u/Timely_Anxiety191

I have been in denial for a while now, but I think I have to start admitting to myself that I am a lesbian (even that much is scary and difficult for me). The problem--and part of the reason I've become more certain of my identity--is the man I'm currently dating.

I feel like an awful person. I was questioning my sexuality even before I started dating him, but I got with him anyway because I thought maybe I'd like it. I was hoping I'd be "normal" after all--and honestly I think the reason I haven't broken it off yet is because I'm still hoping I'm straight. That maybe it's him I don't like, not men as a whole. But deep down I know that isn't reality--straight women enjoy being near their male partners, they enjoy kissing them, they like spending time with them, they crave physical intimacy... and I don't. I realistically can't see myself ever enjoying that, with this man or any other man. My body is repulsed by his--not in its appearance, but its proximity to my own--and I feel so guilty for it.

I know that the moral thing to do is to stop seeing him. But on top of being new to the dating game in general and breakups, I am also selfishly afraid of losing the security he offers me. With him, I can be "straight." I don't have to do any real, difficult digging into my identity or what I want. I don't have to come out and risk losing people from my life or changing how my loved ones see me. Selfishly, I'm waiting for feelings that I know can never exist for him because it'd make my life easier. I know that makes me so bad.

Edit: I broke things off w him and I feel so much lighter now. Even though I’m scared bc I know it’ll be harder to move forward being the person I truly am, I just feel so relieved to be free of that situation.

Posting this bc I really don’t know how to proceed and would appreciate any advice to sort out my thoughts :(

I’ve been seeing this guy for a month now, and he’s genuinely such a great person. We have a lot in common—similar goals, sense of humour, values, etc…. But now that our relationship is becoming more serious I’m having doubts about whether I like him romantically or not (or whether my attachment style is just making me detach from him).

Honestly my doubts started right after we kissed for the first time. I don’t know how to describe how I feel now other than uncomfortable?? Maybe a bit suffocated. I hate feeling this way bc he’s such an amazing guy, but the knowledge that he has certain expectations of me/our relationship (emotional/physical intimacy) makes me feel trapped. I’m not sure what to do now. I feel disgusted by him and resentful of small things that wouldn’t have even bothered me before we started to become more emotionally intimate. This is why I’m confused over whether I’m losing feelings or just detaching. Especially since we’re so early on, I feel I could easily leave him without disappointment on my end and that only makes me more confused about how I truly feel about him.

Should I break things off with him before they get too serious and work through my issues? I’m afraid I’ll never be comfortable enough to give him the closeness he deserves.