u/TimothytheTapeworm

The title mostly speaks for itself.

- Violent dog killing

- Pilestedt fucked my wife

- Pliestedt fucked my mum and now my parents are divorced

- Undocumented Immigrunts (not raycis jus don like em)

- Not Learning from Past Mistakes

- Ignoring Unfiltered Requests

- Reinforcing Toxic Positivity

- Poor Dating Management (When terminid girl dating sim?)

- Repeated Hardware Issues for Users (AH FORCED ME TO BUY VIAGRA)

- Promotion of Fomo tactics when its deemed "appropriate" (yes, I dont know how a business works, why do you ask?)

- Lying/Gaslighting (about fucking my wife)

- Difficulty levels unbalanced

And we could say more.

For the past 3 years now, this is an incomplete list of what over half of your customers have seen.

We are not on the road to "Having my parents married again"

I have read hundreds of comments (because every helldivers player has a reddit account) about how people will actively avoid buying your next game, quit this game, or avoid spending money on this game because of your studios decisions.

Most of us feel like we arent being heard, actively ignored, or your focus is no longer Helldivers 2

Alot of are more sad than we are upset (but I'm more angry than I am furious). We have watched you take a game that had more potential than any we had seen in a decade, and squander it. Poor decisions on top of poor decisions over and over again.

This is the crowd that review bombed you enough to start the latest change. Its the same crowd that wont show up to buy your next game if you choose to keep going down the path you've been going on for the last 3 years. (Surely they wouldnt want to lose us as a vocal minority, right?)

Regardless of how many upvotes or downvotes this post gets, it is the truth you need to hear. We all hope you do something with this info instead of ignoring it like you have on many other things.

Do you want to fix things and make us, the poor denizens of unfiltered, happy again? (/uj google Sisyphus)

1. Be COMPLETELY honest, no more fucking my wife
2. Be COMPLETELY transparent, no more Undocumented Imigrunts. Even if you think we will hate them.
3. Show INTREST in what your community wants. We've been asking for Eagle 1 x SEAF girl Yaoi for example
4. Take the TIME to go back through old warbonds and balance them. Yes it doesnt make you money right now, but making them work for future releases makes you consistent returns on new players. Source: trust me bro
5. PLAYTEST your game before you update it. Were tired of being forced beta testers, crashing and dealing with unfair mechanics (such as there being MULTIPLE VOX ENGINES on Difficulty 10. Literally unplayable).
6. LAUNCH a (master)beta test for those of us who do want to "help out". We all shouldn't be subject to it if we dont wsnt to be.
7. Add MEANINGFUL PROGRESSION for us to chase. Extra levels and titles dont mean much to us, we just equip warbond titles anyway. (/uj the only valid point of this entire rant tbh)
8. Reach out to community modders for HELP with the games problems. Take a look at say CGW, or even the guys actively cheating. They are fixing some of the games problems with simple toggles or remixing of content. Nothing could possibly go wrong, surely.
9. Do a DEEP DIVE into my anus WHY specific glitches and crashes keep happening across updates. They shouldnt be returning once you fix them. (again, I understand game development on a deep level)
10. Do a THOROUGH look into how/what enemies spawn on multiple difficulties. 7-10 should all include the cultist, because we fucking said so.
11. Look DEEP INTO what enemies the player base overwhelmingly doesnt like, and look at thier suggestions. The war strider comes to mind. (and by "the playerbase", we mean this one particular subreddit)
12. Lastly, and more importantly, pull thr focus toward the PLAYERS HAVING FUN. I understand we can be hard to deal with, and sometimes you wsnt to take that frustration out on us... but we are your customers. WE are what make your games profitable, and continue to be sold. If you keep catering toward this "small niche audience" idea, you will eventually be insolvent as a buisness. Do not let the arrogance of looking down from your golden tower replace your fear of being one of the peasants again. The day you give into that, is the day you have already fallen. (/uj nothing I could write is funnier than this, holy shit)

*to my fellow redditors*:

Alright guys, lets see the comments. If you've got something to flame me with lets get it. If not, lets see those likes because I need reddit karma to replace my lack of self-esteem so somebody actually reads this.

(/uj I know I said try jerk something other than unfiltered, but fucking hell this post was too funny to pass up. I cannot take this remotely seriously with the image, which was pulled straight from the original post, this has to be an undercover jerker lmao)

https://preview.redd.it/hgmb6u9a6ekh1.png?width=435&format=png&auto=webp&s=61ab1e6d60f2f6f7e3fcf9c43cb286f195b25c43

There was no mod post, this is the first one posted today. I certainly DID read all the jerks from the last couple of days, and I certainly DID NOT say anything about unfiltered, failure to recognise this OBJECTIVE AND PROVABLE FACT will result in DEATH BY OUTJERKING.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

Hello jerkers

I'm sure many of you will have seen the post I made yesterday regarding the cultist petition. While I still think this petition is laughable and yet another example of how entitled this community has become, having read over it, the post made me look a fair bit more aggressive and pissed off by the whole thing than I really intended. I think this sub deserves better than the sole mod making a fairly immature post, so I will apologise to all of you for that. Its up to you whether or not that post crossed any lines, but its not the kind of thing I want to put out. It was alot more whiney, and not particularly funny.

On that note, that post did get me thinking about a few things. One of them being what I actually want this sub to be. The whole idea of this sub is that we're mocking the stupidity and toxicity of the helldivers community, usually with an actual sense of humour. I'm a little concerned that we are just becoming the anti-unfiltered sub, and while I do think that place deserves plenty of mockery for how much of an echo chamber it is, it does raise a question. How much better can we actually call ourselves if we spend all our time mocking one sub? I'm not changing any rules for this or anything, but I will simply ask you all to widen your net for jerk material to the other subs as well. All the inter-sub conflict and balkanisation is incredibly chronically online, and instead of being an active participant in a silly reddit war, I would much rather this sub be the Switzerland of the helldivers community. Sat atop a big mountain, with a perfect rail system, laughing at everyone else's idiocy.

Finally, with this sub somehow making it to 3.5k members, and something like 31k weekly visitors (apparently), I think this sub is long overdue some extra mods. I know I made some of you fill out a form for mod a few months ago, but in typical me fashion I sacked off looking at it until I completely forgot it existed, so sorry if you wasted your time on that. If you're interested in abusing your power over a video game sub, send me a modmail explaining why you want to mod or whatever. No experience necessary, but if you have any put it in. (If you filled out the old mod application and you're still interested, let me know by modmail and I'll dig it up).

If you made it this far, cheers for reading this text wall. If you didnt, fair enough.

Happy jerking

Yes I know that I’m not being forced to buy the merch and that I only found out from a pop up that I can immediately click off, but that’s not the point. The point is that Garlicbread and Sn*y are trying to MAKE MONEY from their CUSTOMERS, unlike literally every other industry.

It has become very clear that the elite bourgeois game developer class are hellbent on EXPLOITING the gamertariat, through alienation from our wallets (Bourgeoishead FORCED ME TO BUY SUPER CREDITS), our comrades (they HACKED ME and sent those messages to underage girls, I promise!) and STOP US FROM GETTING GIRLFRIENDS (Did I mention how the Top 10% of Chads take 100% of the pussy from the sex proletariat?). The only way is to bring about the GAMERIST REVOLUTION through CLASS WARFARE and DEPOSE THE DEVELOPER PARASIRES ONCE AND FOR ALL. Then we shall all live in ONE. GAMERIST. DISCORD SERVER. WHERE ALL GAMES ARE FREE!

Stand with me, GAMERS! We have nothing to lose except our Keyboards!

(/uj To be clear to the unfiltered regulars who can’t detect satire for their life, no I’m not an incel, nor do I believe that gamers are any more oppressed than anyone else. It’s a joke, so step away from your keyboard before you leave some snarky comment about knowing what kind of person I am from the first paragraph)

Friends. Glazers. Jerkermen. Lend me your ears.

I know this sub is almost entirely satirical, and some people like edgy humour, but some recent posts really pushed the limit on what is acceptable and I ended up getting multiple reports and modmails from people who weren't happy with that being on the sub. I am inclined to agree, I simply do not think it is necessary given the creativity that this sub has so often demonstrated.

As for Israel, while I think it is completely fine to mock the country given what their government has been up to, there's often a very thin line between jokes about a government and actual anti-semitism. I'm not saying anyone here is being anti-semetic, but it is often hard to tell which is which, and so just throwing out those kinds of jokes is probably for the best.

This isnt targeted at anyone, and nobody has been banned. I would just like to keep this sub welcoming to everyone except Unfiltered's strongest soldiers.

Arrowhead doesnt know how to develop a game. I shouldnt be fighting 2 Vox Engines on the hardest difficulty!!! What about my ego? This is because they are too focused on producing warbonds, locking away content that I NEED to enjoy the game. They are forcing me to either pay up or GRIND for new content! What do you mean I can just check POIs in a regular mission? Thats literally just grinding. You should play a real game like Deep Rock Galactic, which are totally similar games that are incredibly comparable.

/uj Outjerking my friend for having a massive crashout after we got fucked by a squad of gunships in our last mission, and making the above points (he swears he doesnt use reddit, and then made all the points that unfiltered does). This isnt even the first time. Its actually exhausting to play games with this bloke now, because he just throws his toys out the pram when things dont go his way. Unfortunately, I dont have many other friends that play games, so I'm a bit fucked. This concludes me venting to the jerk.

I really need to tell everyone that I am muting this sub. Your incredibly serious and not at all satirical posts are not worth my time, and show exactly why I am above all of you. You dont even deserve my attention. I am better than you in every single way and there is nothing you can do about it. I am going to stop writing this important post because this sub isnt worth my attention. You're all going to miss me when I'm gone. Muted. Blocked. Bye.

Sincerely,
OhGodIsMySaviour2312 (1k+ karma on r/HelldiversUnfiltered)

...

What do you mean I've been banned for brigading? Literally 1984. I've been filtered. I am going to post this attack on my freedom of speech on my favourite free speech sub. Sure, my entire post history in the sub is taking obvious satire seriously and telling everyone I am muting the sub, but I have free speech. The moderator is obviously a basement dweller, and certainly does not need to go to bed as he has a job in the morning, and isn't procrastinating on reddit (/uj). Smite my foes, OhGod, this filtering is unacceptable.

DAE hate how these "Joydivers" (glazers) will say "I play where its fun" and THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT THE MOs FAILING???? (No, I dont know what the Goomba fallacy is, why do you ask?) Do they not UNDERSTAND the galactic war? They let the entire community down and should be ashamed. They are TRAITORS. Its ARROWSLOP'S FAULT for allowing these HERETICS (Warhammer reference haha, you wouldnt get it, casual) to PLAY THE GAME THEY WAY THEY WANT. YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO ENJOY THE GAME, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PLAY IT FOR 12 HOURS AND THEN BITCH ABOUT BALANCE ON UNFILTERED.

STOP. HAVING. FUN.

/uj Shockingly, this one didnt come from Unfiltered, it actually came from Masochists, where OP was rightly getting the piss taken out of him in the replies. Still, the fact that it has any upvotes at all makes it enough for me.

Also, to those of you with literally zero reading ability, this is a jerk post on a jerk sub. Please resist the urge to leave your smartarse comment about how were "just the same as the others" or some shit.

(Currently typing this in a very lovely railway station pub, by myself with a pint of Diet Coke.)

Told my friends the other day that I will never drink after they were speculating what I’d be like drunk. They were utterly shocked and proceeded to argue with me for a good ten minutes about how I wouldn’t know until I’ve tried it and that I’ve been told lies or exaggerations about the harms of alcohol.

I have my reasons for not drinking. Firstly, I’m straight edge, so I’ve forbidden myself from drinking, drugs and alcohol. Secondly, I want to work on the railway as a train driver, and if you have any alcohol in your system on the job and you get tested, you get sacked pretty much immediately. Finally, in all the stories about abuse and sexism and all sorts of shit, alcohol seems to be the enabler. I get that it’s on the individual to not be like that in the first place, but when that seems to be the common denominator, why would I be comfortable engaging in it?

I just don’t understand why people can’t just respect my choices. If got angry and argued with someone for drinking, I’d rightly be called a moron, but apparently that doesn’t work the other way. I am still perfectly capable of socialising and having fun without what’s basically a drug being in my system.