u/Tine_the_Belgian

Seeing happy pictures on social media… it’s not easy and it gets harder as I get older. It’s still triggering.

It makes me sad about my own childhood, about the life I could have lived, it’s more a day of mourning for me.

I’m just allowing myself the space to feel this grief.

I’ve been hypervigilant for years, I’ve been in a dissociative depressed state for years, I can really see and feel that I’m improving. I’m more myself than I have ever been in my 41 years here. I’m more in touch with my emotions than I’ve ever been.

Still it just sucks or it’s bittersweet.

Tough night, I’m about to breakup with my bf (emotional abuse) and I’m terrified of old feelings surfacing again.

I’m having an emotional flashback because of a contact that feels inconsistent and triggers abandonment trauma. But listen.

Over the past few days, I’ve started to feel that there are different kinds of love.

As I’m typing this, I’m getting tears in my eyes… because it feels so beautiful ..And gives me such a warm, comforting feeling.

Maybe I’ll feel differently about it tomorrow, Maybe I won’t. But right now, in the middle of this difficult moment, Alone, in the dark,

This is everything ❤️

In the past, people have told me this, but for me there was only one kind that mattered: the love of a romantic partner.

Every other kind of love didn’t count. I didn’t want anything else. I didn’t want to hear about it.

I’m incredibly grateful that, in this moment, I can also *feel* other kinds of love, from people I’ve spent beautiful warm moments with, toward me.

I’m having such a hard night, and realizing this, really feeling it, moves me to tears.

I’m growing,

even in difficult circumstances.