I 16F have been estranged from my father for about 2 years now, have I overreacted or am I right to not wanting to be seeing him anymore?
(sorry I know I'm not an adult yet but really need some help as I don't feel comfortable talking to my mum or anyone else about this)
Hi, just for some context my parents are divorced and have been since I was 1, at first my mum had me for 6-7 days ever fortnight while my dad had me 3-4. When I was 9 he took my mum to court and won which changed it to week on week off. Right now I am currently living with my mum full time. However my dad still pays child support (the same as when it was 50/50). He still sends me money for birthdays, holidays and if I ask.
Over the last month or so I've felt as if I may be the one in the wrong after watching many parents come out saying that they're kids have cut them off for no apparent reason, etc. Even though many people say 'No kid chooses to cut off their parent for no reason' I just don't believe I'm in the right or that what he has done was a big enough reason.
Since I have been 6 my father has been dating his now current wife, she's okay. She would occasionally drop me off at sport and friends house but was never really that close to me despite the fact we had known each other for so long. When I was 8 my father and stepmother had become foster parents. They adopted a girl about 3 years younger than me. During that time I feel as though they treated her alot better than me. I understand she was probably traumatized and had been through alot and none of this is her fault. My father and stepmother would take her to friends houses, organize her school uniform and sign her up for sport. However my mum would be made to do things like that for me, despite my mum asking him many times. The girl stayed with us for about 2 years before she was sent back with her family.
When I was 10 my father, me, my stepmother and older half brother (from his 1st marriage) moved into a new house. It was great, however it was in the country. Which wasn't the best because I go to a city school so a drive to school was about an hour. And a 40 minute drive to my mums house, and football club (which I had already been playing at for a year and a half) Seeing as I was only 10 I didn't see my friends as much as I did now, but over the course of 2 years I had only had 1 close friend over. Whenever I would ask to go to a friends house he would say "no, were busy" despite when the day would come most of the time we wouldn't be doing anything. Or he would say "Just invite them here" which wasn't really an option because he didn't make an effort to get to know my friends parents despite my mum giving him all there contact info. So I rarely saw them at the weeks I was at his house unless my mum drove to come get me and dropped me back off.
One of mine and my mums kind of breaking points was when I was 12. It was coming up to one of my grand final games for football (aussie rules) I had excitedly told my father who was taking me. He didn't seem too excited but he said he was coming so I was happy anyway, when he did come he parked on a car park facing the oval and didn't physically come out and watch (he had done this for all the games he had taken me too aswell) Now I fully understand that sport isn't for anyone but I know for a fact that isn't the case seeing as he has been a member of the same Rugby club for 14+ years. The next year he and my step mother volunteered to work in the kitchen for the whole year without speaking to me about it. They volunteered every thursday and everytime there was a home game day. And at this time he had another foster kid who was a boy that was about 5 and the situation was the same as the first child.
(Just for some more context I am not at all outgoing or have any interest in rugby. I am 100% sure about this because my dad has been taking me to this club since I was 3 as he used to play and watch games. and has tried multiple times to get me to play, all of which I have refused. I knew about 2 children my age that were apart of the club but more in a way that it was just because our parents are friends)
Every Thursday, which was the day I switched from my mum's house to his my dad would pick me up from school, take me to his house. I would have about 20 minutes to shower and get ready before we would head up to the club. Up until 10 to 12 I would have to stay at the club. Because its a sport club people are obviously loud, etc i wasn't able to do homework or anything but sit on my own either on my phone or reading a book. Which I get isn't horrible but it wasn't really the best because I knew no one and the whole time my stepmom and him were behind the counter. And when we would get home I would try to do homework but was just told to go to bed.
The kind of like 'final fight' was when I was 14. A few days earlier my father had informed me that one of his friends (who owned a winery) was looking for a waiter to work weddings and things like that. He had told me he wanted me to go in for an interview. At first I was happy and wanted too, that Friday he had told me he would help with my CV, however that night he had invited his friends over and was drinking so I didn't go for him to help. And instead called my mum telling her about it, however she wasn't as excited. She asked me if I was sure because most people who work at winery's are older than me and gave me a better perspective. It made me realize I wanted to work at more of a teen workplace like McDonald's. So when the next day came (the day of the interview) my dad woke up at about 12, so I hadn't gotten a chance to tell him I didn't want to anymore. When I did he blew up at me saying he bent over backwards to get me this opportunity, and calling me a bitch, and that he was going to cut off my wifi (despite the fact I have a phone plan paid by my mum). I will admit I was giving it back to him, but towards the end I had started to cry and was more trying to leave the room and get away. He didnt let me and got up in my face yelling how he was going to make me go. I was pissed and called my mum to pick me up as I packed a bag with clothes. At this point I feel like I kind of knew that I didn't want to come back as I packed my uniform and other things that were in my room. And left while he was outside so he didn't notice until he saw me in my mums car in the driveway. I had then messaged him saying that the only way I would go back as if he apologized and he didn't say anything back.
Since then he has only really said stuff on holidays when he sends money. I'm really conflicted because I don't want to go back to his house but I also worry that in a few years I will regret this. And I often find myself crying because I believe I'm the problem.
(I'm sorry for bad grammar and spelling I wrote this in a rush)