u/Top_Contribution5250

Long story short I was in an on and off relationship with LO for years. She was horrible to me almost the entire time except for the post breakup phases where she would love bomb me and try to win me back. I wasn’t perfect either but she definitely took advantage of my limerance and abused the fact that she knew I would always take her back. But I want you all to know it is possible to recover and move on because I have found my way into a new stable relationship and last week former LO called me blackout drunk begging for me to come see her and for the first time in years I was able to reject her and prioritize myself and my new life. There has been plenty of grief over giving up on her and realizing that she will never change and be a part of my life again but what matters is that I made that realization and finally closed the door. And you all can do it too. Sometimes it takes years but you can.

Context: I make about 50k a year pretax at my first “adult” job and have 3k in HYSA and after my quarterly bonus I will have another unneeded 3k in checking that I can’t make up my mind about. Is it a better idea to throw the other 3k in the HYSA for a total emergency fund of 6k and then after my next quarterly start investing? I don’t have any big purchases planned so I could technically invest safely now but I also want to avoid getting into a situation where I’m pulling out of my investments in the event of car trouble etc. 401k is churning away so no need to worry about retirement for now.

I’ve recently discovered that I have been dealing with Limerence for my entire life (m25). I have had 2 all consuming LOs since ending my 7 year relationship a few months ago. Both of them are now completely no contact and both of them were very hurt when I made the decision to end things and I’m consumed with guilt for wasting their time and causing unnecessary pain. For some reason whenever it starts to feel too close to a relationship I just get overwhelmed with the intrusive thoughts and withdrawing is the only way to feel at peace. Has anyone else had this experience? I’m wondering if maybe a full commitment to being completely single for a while could provide a much needed reset but I also know that the first woman who shows me a little bit of attention will activate the Joe Goldberg in me and I just want to learn how to form a normal relationship and I don’t know where to begin.