u/TowardForward

For months now I’ve been dealing with constant panic attacks of varying degrees of severity. Sometimes it’s just the chest pain, trembling and occasional vomit, but other times it’s that plus crying and hyperventilating. It happens nearly every morning, noticeably worse during work days.

I also can’t stand to be around people. I can feel my adrenaline everytime I have to participate socially in literally anything. Even just being in the presence of another human being feels…wrong. Like I can’t relax. This applies to even family and friends too, although less intensely than with strangers. When I go to stores or other public places and a person walks by me even a little close, I tense up and feel awful. The kind of feeling you would get expecting someone to randomly come up and stab you, and truly if it happened one of these days, I honestly don’t think I’d be as surprised as one should be.

It’s even worse at my job since for the moment I work front desk, so I take calls and walk-ins, and everytime I get a call or a walk-in it feels entirely draining, and by the time lunch time comes around, I can’t even bring myself to go somewhere to get food because I know I’ll have to interact with someone to do so, and the work morning would have already burnt out my social battery too much that I end up just sitting in my car the full hour.

I haven’t even seen my friends in months because of this. I just don’t have the energy or courage anymore. I only tolerate my family because I still live with my parents. And I love them and their company, but even their presence is overwhelming at times. The only living creatures I can interact with without feeling like trash is animals. Probably because they can’t talk back, but even that I’m not entirely sure of.

I just don’t know what is causing this. I’ve tried therapy many times, but therapists are human too. I can’t interact or speak to them at all. I just either go mute or give them one word answers that lead nowhere and just ends up wasting both of our time, and my money. I tried medication, but I stopped because so SO many of them caused issues with my health. I even have a permanently damaged digestive system because of a medication that caused it. I no longer trust in these medications.

I’m totally lost on what I have left to do. I can’t stand people and the “help” isn’t something I’m capable of getting for myself. I’m afraid that all I can do at this point is let this feeling waste me away until I decide I can’t take anymore and then I do something stupid. Any advice would be helpful at this point.

Please help. And thank you for reading.

Don’t even know a good opening sentence so I’ll just get to the point. Basically I’ve been struggling with some extreme anxiety for almost a year now. I’ve had an anxiety issue for years now, but recently it’s gotten a lot worse.

I wake up nearly everyday with symptoms of a panic attack, some days stronger than others. Usually on my work days. I also get overwhelmed very easily at work when dealing with clients, and it’s especially bad since I work front desk. Dealing with a number of clients makes me feel very uncomfortable; I feel the urge to cry (and do), my hands start shaking, I am unable to focus, and I struggle to breathe.

Even when I am out shopping on my own, if someone walks to close to me I get this intense feeling of fear as if they are about to pull out a knife and stab me, but it’s strange since I don’t actually expect that to happen, but my body just reacts like it will. I do not know why any of this is happening.

Before it got this bad but still had a lot of anxiety, I tried to get a therapist, and I did get one. I tried three therapist before I gave up. This is because I was not able to communicate with them. I would answer their questions with short and usually not correct answers, and then the meeting would end. I just am too afraid to say anything whenever I am meeting with them. It’s like I physically cannot get the words out and I’m just mute save for the surface level questions like “how are you feeling?” and I would just answer “ok” or “fine”.

Ive had therapist that also just share their screen and show me a textbook page of coping mechanisms and just read it to me like I’m back in middle school or something, so that didn’t help me open up at all either.

It just seems like I’m too terrified to talk to therapist, but everytime I look up alternatives, I find none. At this point I might just have to endure this torture for the rest of my life if google says talk therapy is the only solution for my problem. Is there really only talk therapy as an option? What do I do if I’m too afraid to speak? Any advice would help.