▲ 23 r/sex

Can’t talk to my long term partner about sex anymore. Long dry spells have created a separation. TLDR included.

Me (23M) and my partner (23F) have been experiencing a major set back in our intimacy. Our rate of sex decreased dramatically with us moving in together, The gaps are larger, 2-3 sometimes even 4 weeks. And the first time we break the gap the sex is awkward and clunky, almost like it’s our first time together again. we end up having a do over the next night which is better, but then we start another 2-3 week dry spell again and repeat the process.

Throughout our 5 years together we’ve multiple times gone over our wants, our needs and our general expectations/goals with a long term physical relationship. The conversations have always felt like a slight dance though. Maybe I word things wrong or maybe it’s too sensitive to her, but I’m often avoiding the full statement “I’m not happy with how little we’re having sex”. I fear that I make her feel as though it’s an obligation she must forfill, which just pushes her away further. The catch 22 being that, with how long we’ve been together, and just like all things in a relationship, I feel it’s fair to say that we should be putting effort towards being physically there just as much as emotionally there.

I’m often on the receiving end of most the conversation. It usually revolves around her mental health and how her medications affect her libido. That has been a consistent through all previous conversations though. Lately it’s been a circle of many smaller issues, little spats or small zero sums are usually pointed out as things that are spacing us apart. Date night frequency, small gestures of love and affection, deeper emotional honesty are all brought up as things that might make her feel more attached. It’s often ignored that I feel like we simply let the intimacy slip away, and with that so did our emotional attachment. It seems much more complicated to her.

I’m now at a point where I don’t know how to push the conversation I feel needs to be had. We discuss our future often, do lunches and movies every weekend, had many hard conversations to mend loose ends from previous spats, spend silent time simply cuddling and decompressing together after work days… despite it being what she says she needs, the intimacy only seems to be slipping away more.

If I’m being fully honest I don’t know how to, as a man, tell the woman I’m with that her not having sex with me is leaving me feeling alone and separated. I don’t want to come off as gross, demanding, making sex seem like an expectation or a necessity. I still can’t help the feeling that it’s, at least for me, killing us though. In my mind, it’s starting to seem if we can’t acknowledge the actual lack of sex as the issue, it won’t ever be fixed.

TLDR; my sex life with my partner is now becoming awkward due to how infrequently we are having it. Despite addressing her concerns/ideas, this hasn’t changed. I’m not sure how to express to her that letting the intimacy slip away for so long is what I feel has created the separation and the emotional strain. I want to tell her that I think we need to make an effort to be more physical if we actually want to work on this, without making it sound like an ultimatum or have it come across gross.

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u/Tr1padvisor420 — 21 days ago

New renter in search for a house, can’t seem to get any viewings?

Title pretty much says it all. Moving out of my parents asap and can’t seem to get any viewings for listings. On my 10th request now, with only a response from 1 that was already signed for. I’ve tried calling, emailing, messaging and even having my girlfriend try the same listings to no success.

Any advice on what I might be doing wrong/could be doing better?

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u/Tr1padvisor420 — 21 days ago

Bobkontakt “Overwrite native access.xml” doesn’t appear when I run the patcher.

Can’t get through any of this set up as the patcher doesn’t seem to be running right?

u/Tr1padvisor420 — 1 month ago

Can’t download torrents to my D drive. Security trouble shooting not working.

I’ve messed around in the property’s tab of the drive and switched a bunch of things around but I still can’t manage to download shit to my D drive. Keeps saying access denied, cannot for the life of me figure out why?

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u/Tr1padvisor420 — 1 month ago

Legit kontakt8+cracked library’s? Or fullly cracked operation?

I’ve seen a lot of posts regarding file management in cracked versions of kontakt 8. Library’s not showing in browsers, loading up but not playing sound, not saving with projects ect… I haven’t been able to find anything about compatibility between legit Kontakt 8 + cracked libraries though. Is this a valid process, possibly with less file management issues?

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u/Tr1padvisor420 — 1 month ago

I’ve watched about five tutorials (not the stupid midi note ones actual people playing it and breaking it down) but the last part of the first verse sounds nothing like the piano part in the song, ever. (Maybe the last measure of the first verse is the right terminology?) Not sure how to describe why it sounds wrong better than just plain wrong.

I’ve only just started learning piano again at 25. I am taking in person lessons, starting right at square one, but I’m having fun picking up a few songs in my spare time… figured someone here might have a quicker answer than my next lesson in 2 weeks.

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u/Tr1padvisor420 — 2 months ago

Burnt myself on 2 different stands for my powered monitors and honestly can’t tell if Yamahas just suck for mounting to a stand? Both stands were fine to just place the speaker on but nothing worked to secure the monitors to the stand.

Any brands anyone can recommend or anything I might be missing?

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u/Tr1padvisor420 — 2 months ago