u/Traditional_Ad9091

I’ve seen a lot of posts asking how it worked out for those who “settled” for their partners but I rarely see how kids fit into the decision/outcome.

I’m 35F, single, and have always wanted kids for various reasons. That being said I think I would have a very hard time raising kids alone. Not to mention the significant career, financial, and lifestyle sacrifices I would have to make if I were to do it solo. I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I would rather have kids with a partner, even if they aren’t my soulmate, than do it alone.

I’ve been dating for a few years now and haven’t found the one. I always hear “never settle”, “it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person”, and I agree that I never want to settle for someone who makes my life worse or makes me unhappy. But I’m realistically at a point now where I don’t have much time to start a family, and I can’t help but think about if there are things I should compromise on with respect to a partner. Because in reality, holding off for someone who checks all my boxes is compromising in other ways if it means I can’t have biological kids.

I’m looking for those who committed to and had kids with that person who was “fine”. That guy who you like to spend time with, is a good person, makes you laugh, is stable, who would make a good parent and partner, but there isn’t that spark, attraction, or chemistry you would have hoped for. If you chose that guy for the sake of having kids, how did it work out? Do you have any regrets?

My son moved across the country a few years ago. It’s about a 5h plane ride. He is always saying he wishes we (my husband and I) would visit more often. He hasn’t said this part out loud but he implies we aren’t supportive or enthusiastic enough of his new city which he loves. And often cites how his friends parents visit often. A few years ago we were planning a trip in the area and offered to stay for the weekend but he had already made plans with his friends that weekend out of town so we ended up just staying at his apartment without him and exploring the city. We had a nice time but to be honest, the city is just not our cup of tea. It was fun to visit once but aside from getting to spend quality time with, we wouldn’t have any other reason to go back.

Flash forward to now, we are again being encouraged to visit him again because “last time doesn’t count since he wasn’t there”. I would be open to it, however it’s a long way to go for a weekend and my son has made it clear we will not take PTO if we visit. He wants us to come and spend the weekend with him, and then go explore the surrounding area without him for the rest of the week. He seems to think we’ll have a blast because he loves the area, but my husband and I both know it will be a mediocre trip based on our interests, and it doesn’t feel worth it if he won’t even be there.

I am struggling because I don’t want him to feel like we don’t support his new life or aren’t excited for him. But on the other hand, if he really wanted us to visit him shouldn’t he at least be willing to take the week off to spend it with us?

Additional context: we can afford it pretty easily. We aren’t swimming in extra cash and we do try to budget a certain amount for travel each year so this eats into that. But it’s more about the time and energy commitment if I’m being honest.

Looking for honest advice here from parents who have dealt with this, or children who have moved away.

Does anyone know where I can find rhubarb in the west end of Toronto these days? I need it for a recipe but have been unlucky at my local grocery stores. Preferably in the high park, roncey, junction, bloor west area.

Thanks!!