The Bengaluru curse
This is my(27M) story. Done with my master's in BLR and moved to HYD 3 years ago for work.
Visited my friends in BLR in July, 2024, planned an outing to TORQ- Marathahalli and that’s when I met her (29F now, 27F then), a friend of a friend. We played laser tag, bowling, go-karting, and pool, after which some of us returned to my friend's flat for an after-party. We started to get comfortable around each other as it started to get late, and eventually I convinced her and carried her to the room where I was staying. Being new to this, then, I couldn't perform, and we just cuddled and slept through the night after she showed me some photos of her family. The next morning, we got up and tried to replace the things we used without asking my friend. I was extremely anxious for a week about what had happened and returned to HYD.
A week later, I got her request on IG, and I accepted as soon as I saw that. We started talking on video calls, texts and phone calls. We tried to understand each other. She is from a small town near Vijayawada. Although she works at a well-respected MNC, she has next to no career aspirations. She has been observing her older sister and her then boyfriend (now husband) from childhood and always wanted a great relationship like theirs. Hearing a 2-years older girl discuss these things with me scared me then. I had no thought of marriage ever(I was 25). I could not promise her anything and said we should keep things casual. We kept on talking to each other day and night as we got to know each other better with time(at least I did, IDK about her). Since she lived in a PG, I could not visit her in BLR as we would have no place to stay.
A few months later, I shifted my flat in HYD and invited her to come over for a few days. She immediately booked a bus and showed up at my door. One of the best sights I had ever seen. She stayed with me for more than a week, and she was the best company I ever had. Had no track of time as we glided through the city on my bike, going to the movies, restaurants and bars. She was a calming sight every morning I woke up next to her. As the day she had to return to BLR came, she broke down, hugging me, saying she would miss me, and she was looking for a permanent relationship. I broke down alongside her and could not let her go. Not knowing what to say, I asked her if her parents were looking for any matches. She said yes, and that no one among the matches was coming forward as her father could not afford dowry/ has any properties (her words, not mine). Not knowing what to say, I was trying to console my 2 years older situationship-friend, and we both continued crying till the time for her to start for BLR came. With a heavy heart, I came back to my empty room and struggled for a few days to live in the empty room.
We continued our calls, and I used to send her flowers, chocolates or some food from time to time. Used to listen to her workplace rants day and night. Now I know every good, bad and decent human in her office and how her office layout is, which team sits next to her, all the office politics & affairs and the characters involved, how dogs scare her despite having one of her own husky in her home town, how everyone in her family is, how her relatives react to the topic of her marriage, how she wants a relationship like her sister and BIL have, where her office took her to parties, which place sent her inadequate food, how her mom finds happenstance comfortable, how she gifts her dad some good whisky, what were the struggles she faced in getting a dishwasher installed in her hometown,..basically every thing she lives about. She used to talk to me about liquor, as her work requires her to handle some supply chain stuff for the same. She visited HYD a couple more times, and each time our connection felt better than the last time.
Last november she texted me that she got a match and the marriage was fixed. Being blown over by this, I did not know what to say. I texted congratulating her, and then she asked me why we can't work this out; she even went into self-doubt and asked if she does not meet my standards. These words made me equally happy and scared. The girl never verbally said "I love u"; she always jumped right to marriage, and I kept telling her that I am in no place to marry anyone right now. She even told me that she would wait, and I could not ask her to wait years for me till whenever I am ready. I called her later and told her that I am deleting all our memories and that I am blocking her everywhere, as her marriage was fixed. A few days later, I unblocked her, and she reached out, saying the wedding was called off for some reason. She made it clear that I was not the reason for calling it off. She told me that she needs some space, and she will contact me if she feels like it. Understanding that she is going through a lot and out of respect for her, I gave her just that. Months passed. Had no contact. I started to lose my mind, binge-watched TV shows day and night, and had no sleep for 8 days straight. Understanding that I am destroying myself, I started working out and eating healthy. Missed my friend's wedding in BLR as I had no guts to land in that city, as her memories continued to consume me.
On 7th Feb, 9:07 am, she texted "Gm Dheeraj!". Usually, I would be in deep sleep at that time, but for once, I woke up to the sound of a notification. Had to confirm if I was dreaming and instantly hit video call. The sight of her on my screen made me emotional. She told me that she has been busy the last few months, that she went back to her hometown, did some job prep and cracked a new role within the same organisation. I told her how much I missed her, and we talked for hours. I asked her to come to HYD, and she immediately booked tickets. We spent the entire Valentine's week together. Her innocent charm filled my room for 10 days. Watched many movies in the cinemas, in the room, in restaurants and on night drives. She held on to me tight the entire visit.
Later, she shifted to a flat in Hennur for her new role, and now we have a place to stay if I want to visit her. She sent me a few options while looking for a flat and finalised one in a society. During the transition she was about to go for a credit card EMI, and I did not let her - lent her some (she returned a couple of months later)(ig as a man who can't express anything, this is one of the few ways to show that I care). I was looking for opportunities to visit her, and then I came IPL. She booked us tickets, and I came to BLR. Although I've been to BLR many times, this time the visit seemed like a dream. The traffic I dreaded seemed like a minor flaw throughout the visit. Started to appreciate the city as I came closer to her flat. And there she was, waiting for me by the gate. I was approaching her, not knowing what to say. Went to the flat and held her so tight. I even visited my friend whose wedding I missed in BLR during no contact, as I was afraid of my emotions. We were having the time of our lives. Visited a few restaurants in Kalyan Nagar, Manyata and some expensive tiffin place :P The day before I leave for HYD, I visited a few of my CLG friends in BLR and came home late that night, only to find her crying cause I was late. Hearing this while I was drunk af, I did not know what to do. She just left the room and slept on the sofa for the rest of the night. The next morning, she came to me with a smile, and we were making the most of the time we had left as I was leaving for HYD the same day. The city I hated for its flaws suddenly felt so romantic and worth the metro expense. Guess she made it special for me. We continued our routine for the next 2 months.
Then I noticed that Bakrid and Telangana formation day long weekend was coming soon and I should use this opportunity to visit her again. 1 week before the long weekend, we were on a video call, and my sound system was playing songs in the background. She lost her cool, saying I was watching reels while talking to her. I told her it was the songs and she kept saying Why do you even call me? We are nobody to each other. I told her that I am planning to visit BLR during the long weekend, and she refused, saying I need not come just cause we were fighting over something. I kept begging her for 4 days, and she kept saying no. Since the long weekend has approached, I asked her if I should go to my hometown, as she is not letting me visit her. She told me to go. I booked tickets to my hometown and, with a heavy heart, boarded the bus. As the bus passed out of the HYD outskirts, and it was 12:37 am, 27th May, she texted, " Will you come to BLR?" I was immediately pissed off. I've been begging for the same for over a week now. I can't get off the bus at 1 am in the middle of nowhere. My parents were expecting me at home now. She even asked me to catch a flight to BLR once I reach there, or she will take one to my hometown. I said no to both ideas as it would be very difficult to do both without raising questions back home. She immediately said she could find 100 people like me on Hinge. IDK what to say to something like that. After some time that night, we cooled off and started texting and making calls again. She said
"I’m crying here
Get lost
I’m already not well
I just took half day off
I’m feeling sick
But still sitting & working
I don’t know what to do
I’ve to update the work PPT
I’ve to present tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM
I’m going through a lot
Better leave me alone. Don’t torture me
😭
go home and relax
Honestly I’m missing you
thats why i am turning psychotic
I did not take you seriously when you said you will go home
That’s my mistake
Now, let’s leave everything
I’m normal now
Let’s not drag"
same evening-
"My name- at least try this weekend
do something"
Wednesday night, she was asking for projector recommendations as she felt the room was pretty boring and I gave her some. She ordered that in blinkit and we set it up together over video call. She showed me how the screen was by holding the phone for minutes.
Thursday morning she was WFH and she sent me a 🔥 pic and said she need me there types. Same night we went on a video call for hours talking about whats happening in our lives and I sent her a waffle as she likes them so much.
Then came Friday, she texted me asking me not to contact her, and she would reach out by herself. I waited the entire weekend for her text. On Monday (1st June), she texted me saying she met someone with a similar mindset about marriage in Electronic City, as she went there to give an interview for Schneider Electric, and that they are both interested in each other. She wants to give it a try and give him a chance, and she kept calling him genuine. She said she's been talking to him for 2 days and decided to meet him. She says she did not plan any of it and it all happened by chance. She says she was depressed and wanted to give someone else a chance and never thought that she would meet someone like him and he is really good. she said she wants to take a step and she and i were fighting and she remembers the last time she got a match and I blocked her. This time she wants to do the same to me and blocked me on WA. I did not know what to do. Felt so helpless and returned back to HYD.
June 7- I gave it 5 days as I was confident about what we had and noticed that her IG followers and following went down. I sent her something on IG to start a conversation and she said that they are going to proceed with the next step and that she did not tell him about me and just said bye. With a heavy heart I wrote her my feelings and that we belong together right from the day we cried together. I have always been there when she was low. I told her that 10days is too less to decide about these things and that she's walking blind into a brick wall. She has seen the texts and left me on read. I cannot live through another no contact with her. I immediately booked the last flight to BLR and ran to the airport. Called my friend in BLR to pick me up.
I entered the society and knocked on her door. She did not answer for many minutes, and she came out and dragged me downstairs, holding my hand. She did not let me enter the flat. She kept pulling me away from society onto Hennur roads. She kept asking me if I could not let her be happy and that I had come to harass her. She kept pulling me away and told me that the new guy won't marry her anymore, as I had shown up. Realising she is in bed with a new guy, the same weekend we both wanted to meet so badly, tore me apart. Even after this revelation, I kept asking her to marry me, told her I would sort everything out with him once I spoke to him, and I admitted to my commitment issues. She kept saying she was not interested in me and even told her parents about the new guy(within 10days of meeting him). She had no concern about me whatsoever in her eyes. The same eyes that begged for my contact when we had our moments. She kept saying that I am harassing her and had no regard for our 2 years of relationship. She just dropped me like a toy she does not want to play with anymore. She was only concerned about someone she met 10days ago. She says she has been on Hinge for months now. I tried to convince her as much as I could. While all this was happening, the street dogs showed up, and she came running to me. As I mentioned earlier, she is scared of dogs. She started running away from me, and I was confused about why she was doing so. I followed her and then realised how the CCTV around us would record this, and I slowed down. Then she called the police on me, saying that I am harassing her. I asked her if this is what our 2 years of relationship gets? She continued talking to the police. I tried for 5 more mins and realised the cops could show up any minute now. I started running away from her on Kalyan Nagar roads. The same roads we had our biryani, pizza and tiffin dates. The same roads we were making memories on a couple of months ago. The same roads I walked beside her, deciding if we had enough room for more dessert after a heavy biryani lunch. So many questions, so many memories, so many tears shed together and the ending (?) I get. Did she ever love me, or was I just a convenience? Was she always like this? Bringing others into her room when she wanted as blamed it on depression? Always used me? I know she did not. But till what point was it real? How can she act so cold? She was literally missing me so much and said she was depressed and gave someone a chance. She is 29years old, goddamit. How can an adult act like this if she were just depressed? Depression is not reason enough. Must she have been disloyal right from the beginning? IDK so many questions since last month.
While all this was happening, the new guy came downstairs and was confused about which way we went. He was just waiting downstairs and calling her phone. (My friend who came to pick me up was just outside the society waiting for me, observing everything). Is he really that stupid to promise a girl marriage 2-10days after knowing her, or is he taking advantage of a vulnerable girl? If he had any right intentions and wants to consider spending his life with someone he just met, wont he have questions when other men come knocking at his new girl's door? And guess what, he is the same age as I am and from the same hometown as mine. I did not get to meet him, though.
I've read that women treat possible romantic relations differently than men do, as they are always presented with options during this Hinge and Bumble era. Bengaluru has always recorded the highest online dating activity. The options presented keep tempting people into disloyalty in relationships and infidelity in marriages, as people do not want to put effort into what they already have. I am not trying to generalise Bengaluru, and I hope you guys understand what I mean. If you have a long distance relationship with someone in BLR, think again.