u/Triplethreat2870

Or feeling like you’re drowning when everyone else is breathing just fine. I feel it all the time. I’ve never really wrote anything when things feel like that, when I wish I could just disappear. But I did this time. Maybe others can understand.

Swallow it. Swallow the hurt.

Swallow the pain until it sits in your throat like lead-

a cold, unyielding weight that anchors you to the floor while the world floats by.

Swallow all the words you want to say until they are heavy enough to pull you under.

There is no silence here.

Instead, there is the constant, static noise of everyone else’s comments,

a relentless humming that fills the space where your voice used to be.

Swallow it all until you are drowning in your own spit.

Swallow until the lead bubbles to the surface,

jagged and toxic, and you’re forced to vomit it up under the fluorescent lights of the bathroom stall.

Wipe the spit from your face.

I think what I’d like people to understand about OCD is that it’s a version of you that sounds exactly like you, but works against you. It’s like it’s me but not me. Constantly in your mind. And it’s so tiring.