3 days into tapering and terrified.
I have been in Effexor for about 3 years after hitting my head and being diagnosed with a TBI. I am someone who has never been able to take SSRIs because they make me suicidal (many many years ago I tried everything under the sun for my CPTSD and panic attacks). After many years I got to a great point and then hit my head. This TBI caused mood swings that we tried to wait out and inevitably my neurologist wanted to watch me closely on Effexor.
It actually did help for quite some time but then my concussion and TBI care switched to my PCP after insurance changes. Around 1.5-2 years in I started getting that suicidal ideation and asked to come off, instead she added medications, began treating me for ADHD with Adderall, and even upped my dose of Effexor. I was on 75mg for the last 1.5 years and notice it’s just getting worse. After asking my doctor to ween me off she refused, which all in all became a disaster until I found a new PCP.
This new doctor took me from 75mg to 37.5mg about 3-4 days ago and I’m not good. I expressed my concerns about withdraw and asked to taper slower but she said I should be fine… well I’m not fine and need to know if anyone experienced something similar and what they did to get through.
I can’t stop crying and I get irate about the smallest things. I am struggling more than ever with suicidal thoughts. I don’t actually want to die but I feel like I can’t live. It’s like I’m fighting my own brain. But I also don’t feel comfortable going to get help because 1. So many of my friends said hospitals made this worse and 2. Because of my career this could cause issues long-term. I am in a field with high vicarious trauma which doesn’t help and I’m trying to pull back at work until this is under control. I however, don’t want to ruin my career over talking to the wrong person.
Now, I feel like in order to stay alive I have to run away. I haven’t been able to respond to calls or texts from my husband, family, etc. I feel numbed out when I separate from everyone and everything but this keeps the suicidal thoughts, emotional breakdowns, crying, agitation, and panicking at bay.
I also am sooooo nauseas with horrible brain zaps.
I am powering through but I need to know if this is something that is normal and I should expect will go away. I can get through it if I know what to expect and about how long to expect it. I’m trying to fight my brain with logic and if I know this will pass then I can overcome it.