u/Tu_Mala_Suerte

I (29f) need some objective perspective on my relationship and how to handle the current fallout with my partner (27M) I am completely heartbroken and filled with a deep sense of sorrow and regret over my actions, but I want to lay out every fact as clearly and unbiased as possible.
My partner and I have been together for 8 years and have two sons. For the last year or so, we haven't been living together and haven't been able to see each other very often. On top of the physical distance, he has been completely distant and closed off whenever I try to have emotional conversations. Between that and being a stay-at-home mom, I have been living in a state of constant isolation.
To give context on our foundation: when we started dating 8 years ago, he established a rule that his side of the relationship would be open, but mine would be closed. I agreed to it, hoping the dynamic would change. For the first 5 years, he didn't physically cheat. However, after our first child was born, he did. The most severe instance occurred when I was one month postpartum with our second son and grieving the death of my cousin; he cheated with my then-best friend. I chose to stay to keep our family together.
Adding to the strain, I have spent months being targeted by an anonymous hacker. This person has been systematically tearing my mental state apart by sending me private conversations between my partner and other women, or him talking about other women to his cousins and friends. They have sent me images of women he has attempted to pursue. It has been a relentless, agonizing weight to carry.
Recently, I reconnected with a guy from middle school through Fortnite. It started as an innocent friendship, but when we hung out in person, he kissed me and I kissed him back.
Honestly, I am not even sure why I cheated, why I met up with this man, or why I was even texting him. I regret it with everything in me. I think I was just so profoundly lonely. I desperately wanted my partner's attention, but it felt like he was giving it to everyone but me.
I didn't confess immediately. Instead, the same anonymous hacker maliciously leaked private, adult images of me to this friend without my consent. My partner discovered this and confronted me. Out of sheer panic, I initially denied everything, but I quickly broke down and told him the full truth about the texts and the kiss.
I know I broke our established boundaries, and I know my initial denial made the breach of trust worse. I accept full responsibility for that, and I understand why he is hurt and betrayed.
However, since finding out, his reaction has involved constant disrespect and cruelty. He literally said to my face, "I will not call you my girl or queen anymore, you’re just my bitch or bae." While I am accountable for my actions, I feel his level of hostility is hypocritical given his history of multiple physical infidelities, specifically the postpartum betrayal, the fact that he has always been permitted to see other people, whether he chose to pursue it or not, and his own emotional withdrawal from me.
I love him, I don't want to end the relationship, and my ultimate goal is to build a healthy environment for our sons. But I need clarity on how to address this without completely losing my self-respect in the process. AITA for thinking his current treatment of me is uncalled for, and how do we actually fix a dynamic like this?

I (29f) need some objective perspective on my relationship and how to handle the current fallout with my partner (27M) I am completely heartbroken and filled with a deep sense of sorrow and regret over my actions, but I want to lay out every fact as clearly and unbiased as possible.
My partner and I have been together for 8 years and have two sons. For the last year or so, we haven't been living together and haven't been able to see each other very often. On top of the physical distance, he has been completely distant and closed off whenever I try to have emotional conversations. Between that and being a stay-at-home mom, I have been living in a state of constant isolation.
To give context on our foundation: when we started dating 8 years ago, he established a rule that his side of the relationship would be open, but mine would be closed. I agreed to it, hoping the dynamic would change. For the first 5 years, he didn't physically cheat. However, after our first child was born, he did. The most severe instance occurred when I was one month postpartum with our second son and grieving the death of my cousin; he cheated with my then-best friend. I chose to stay to keep our family together.
Adding to the strain, I have spent months being targeted by an anonymous hacker. This person has been systematically tearing my mental state apart by sending me private conversations between my partner and other women, or him talking about other women to his cousins and friends. They have sent me images of women he has attempted to pursue. It has been a relentless, agonizing weight to carry.
Recently, I reconnected with a guy from middle school through Fortnite. It started as an innocent friendship, but when we hung out in person, he kissed me and I kissed him back.
Honestly, I am not even sure why I cheated, why I met up with this man, or why I was even texting him. I regret it with everything in me. I think I was just so profoundly lonely. I desperately wanted my partner's attention, but it felt like he was giving it to everyone but me.
I didn't confess immediately. Instead, the same anonymous hacker maliciously leaked private, adult images of me to this friend without my consent. My partner discovered this and confronted me. Out of sheer panic, I initially denied everything, but I quickly broke down and told him the full truth about the texts and the kiss.
I know I broke our established boundaries, and I know my initial denial made the breach of trust worse. I accept full responsibility for that, and I understand why he is hurt and betrayed.
However, since finding out, his reaction has involved constant disrespect and cruelty. He literally said to my face, "I will not call you my girl or queen anymore, you’re just my bitch or bae." While I am accountable for my actions, I feel his level of hostility is hypocritical given his history of multiple physical infidelities, specifically the postpartum betrayal, the fact that he has always been permitted to see other people, whether he chose to pursue it or not, and his own emotional withdrawal from me.
I love him, I don't want to end the relationship, and my ultimate goal is to build a healthy environment for our sons. But I need clarity on how to address this without completely losing my self-respect in the process. AITA for thinking his current treatment of me is uncalled for, and how do we actually fix a dynamic like this?