u/Tullytickler

Hi all, I'm a trans man living in Victoria.

I currently have a consult with a surgeon through the transcare route in Abbotsford in September (I was only given options on the mainland).

Given a few things:

1. I will have to pay for my partner and I to travel/stay on the mainland for a few days (or even a couple weeks) until I get my drains out. This means meals, ferry cost, car rental, accommodation, doggy daycare while my partner and I are away, ect.
2. I'd really rather recover at home, and have easy access to go back to my surgeon if something goes wrong.
3. I want to also pursue loose skin removal/body masculinization during the same surgery which I'll have to pay for out of pocket.
4. I can somewhat comfortably afford it.
5. I'm a pretty vain person, and I think my current surgeon's results (from pictures that I've seen, anyway) are just okay. I wasn't super stoked on the results of any of the surgeon options I was given, for that matter.

I'm curious what the process of switching to private pay with a doctor here on the island would be?

If anyone has any insights, I'd really appreciate it, thanks!

So, I (35y/o, and queer) never had much of a relationship with my grandma or anyone in my family, really, and haven't spoken to any of them since my wedding in 2019. To be honest, I regard stepping away from all of them as the best decision of my life. The last seven years have honestly been the happiest I've ever been.

A week ago, I hear from my mum. She sends me a forwarded e-mail (with zero lead in or context) from my aunt that was sent to her and my uncle saying that my grandmother peacefully passed away a couple of weeks ago at the age of 98. She goes on to tell my mum and uncle that she and my other aunt don't want to be at the funeral at the same time as them and has arranged a separate viewing for my mum and uncle on the day, given a recent "rupture" in the family.

My only thought reading all this was, "Okay, well, this sounds messy. Further validation thay I made the right call to not be surrounded by this kind of stress constantly."

I go on about my life for a week.

Then, two days ago, my cousin (my aunt's daughter) fills me in that my uncle tried to get power of attorney 1.5 years ago from my grandmother but was unsuccessful because she passed a mental wellness test. He was also trying to get me and the other five grandkids kicked off of the will and have the money only be split between himself, my mum, and my aunts (so my grandmother's four children). My mum backed him up while my aunts thought that control of the will should be given back to my grandma.

At this point, I'm floored that I'm still in ANYONE'S will given my estrangement, let alone my homophobic grandmother's. For context, chat, she used to send me Christmas cards saying she was praying for me and my "roommate"... said roommate is my wife. She also used to corner me in the basement as a very small child and wouldn't let me leave until I prayed to jesus with her.

But anyways, later that day, I get another no-context, forwarded e-mail. This time, it's from the wealth claims team e-mailing my uncle to tell him that he's out of the will.

I took the contact from the e-mail and asked if I was a beneficiary.

I sure am a beneficiary, buddy. I don't want to go into exact numbers, but holy shit.

Essentially, my grandma kicked my mum and uncle off of the will, and (because my uncle is childless) half of my grandmother's money is being split 3 ways between myself and my sisters.

My mum contacted my wife (in the middle of last night, for some reason), "just wanting to say" that the money my sisters and I are getting is really HER inheritance. I'm genuinely not sure if my mum is saying this to guilt me into giving her the money or if she is trying to save face by making it sound like she was selflessly gifting her inheritance to me and my sisters (when really, she had no choice).

I'm sure the four of them are fighting at the funeral right now as I type this. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home, tempted to just take the money and split it with a good childhood trauma therapist. 🙃