u/Turbulent_Road7115

I am in pain pretty much always. I am in pain right now, I know that I am but I struggle so hard to describe it in anyway or even pinpoint/locate it. I just sort presumed most people have a sort of low level pain at all times but it seems that’s not the case?

With most of my body’s needs I usually don’t notice until it’s at its complete limit. I’ve just sort of managed this with routines rather than body cues like I know I should eat a certain amount of times a day or use the bathroom a certain amount of times so I set a time and do it then. If I’m unable to do it at those set times I know that there is more of an urgency but I won’t get a physical signal unless I’m starving or my kidneys are poking at my back.

Usually I can just ignore the pain and it sort of fades into the background with the rest of my bodies sensations/cues and since I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I was able to do that for a while with only a few flare ups now and then. But now it’s got to the point where I can’t. I’m tired of being in pain.

I just don’t know how to describe it and I’m worried it makes me sound like I’m either faking or vying for attention and sympathy. I don’t want to wait months for a doctor’s appointment just to be humiliated or yelled at or looked like an idiot or something.

I’ve gotten some extensive blood tests recently enough to know that I don’t have any kind of deficiency or underlying issue. According to my bloods I am the healthiest boy alive.

I’m tired and I just want to lie down until it all goes away.

I actually love the cinema. It’s great, I go maybe once a month if I can, but also the minute I leave the theatre it’s like my body finally registers the amount of extreme sensory input I just sat through non stop for 2hrs+ and it knocks me on my ass.

Anyway I watched Backrooms for the second time yesterday and it was great :) My friend hated it and said it was awful :(

As usual I had to immediately go and lie down once I got home. Is this weird? Does anyone else do this??

I was talking to my cousin when she brought up her her boyfriends friend had been saying some concerning things and was thinking of taking his own life. She went on saying she encouraged her boyfriend to go back to his home town to see him and tell him to 'not be so stupid, stop being so selfish and think of other people'

…fucking fantastic what a perfect thing to say to someone who wants to kill themselves and likely has a rock bottom self esteem, tell them they’re stupid and selfish so they can go back to living in silent self hatred

I don’t know maybe I’m just projecting but even if your opinion truly is that suicide is a purely selfish act and that suicidal people are therefore horribly selfish it absolutely does not help to fucking say that to someone.

Who knows maybe for some people it’s a 'kick in the ass' or whatever but as someone who has attempted more times than I can count I know for a fact if someone said that to me when I was at my lowest it’d just confirm every shitty thing I already thought about myself and make me want to through with it even more

I didn’t even say anything at the time because I knew it turn into a stupid argument that no one would win and I didn’t have any energy for. I’m just glad I know her boyfriend would absolutely not say that shit.

I don’t leave home all that often and if I do it’s never more than an hour away and if it’s longer I always end up back in my own bed at the end of the day. It’s pretty much the only way I can properly reset.

I’m going on a trip overnight in July and while I have done it before it was purely a case of travel there, go to the event I came for, go to sleep and travel home. While I’m going on what is essentially an identical trip I’m going with an entirely different person who wants to do a lot of sightseeing on top of everything.

The last time I went I found the whole thing incredibly overwhelming despite doing very little. I got to keep my headphones on almost the whole time, wasn’t expected to talk and traveled exclusively in cars.

This time I’ll probably have to talk a lot, walk through the noisy overwhelming city and actually pay attention instead of just focusing on not freaking out on top of what I did last time which was already tiring all on its own.

I tried to talk about my worries with the person I’m going with but the response I got was basically ‘you’ve done it before' and ‘you’ll be fine'

I feel a little silly writing this all out since it’s sounds rather simple but I know it’ll be a lot for me and I’m trying to actually take care of myself for once lol. Anyway if anyone has any tips please let me know :)

I am a grown adult. I’m not stupid, I can think for myself, I can drink, I can date, I can have sex, I can interact with and understand media made for adults, I can understand complex things etc etc

I’m also easily overwhelmed, I have a very limited palate when it comes to food, I cry easily, I suck at socialising, I’ll probably never have a proper job or live on my own.

It’s seems like these two concepts just can’t coexist in a lot of people’s minds. I can mask well enough well enough that most people I interact with don’t realise I’m not neurotypical until I say something 'wrong' or act in a way that’s 'off' or God forbid stim which is when I start being treated and talked down to like a child.

If someone doesn’t figure it out or I am somehow able to prove myself as a capable adult then that means that I’m simply not trying hard enough. 'You can do this thing you’re just not trying hard enough.' ‘You can have a job you’re just lazy' ‘You’re just being childish just try harder'

Almost everyone I know seems to flick back and forth and back and forth between these two things if they don’t stay firm in one of the two categories. I feel like there has to be a way someone can just understand me. There has to be a way that I can be both autistic and an adult and have someone simply be patient and accepting.

Anyway I’m usually fairly optimistic I’m just venting :)