u/Turbulent_Tea621

Hello I'm scapegoat..

In all seriousness, in the last 6 months I've figured out I'm in an enmeshed family system which has been a bleed realisation as I'm the emotional absorber or scapegoat if you will.

I'm a 38M, single and sober for 5 years where I've gained a lot of clarity, growth and career success which has upset my younger, suspected narcissistic brother, and mother in particular. My brother and I fell out 5 months ago after I set a healthy boundary after he wanted validation about a message a girl had sent him weeks after he separated from his soon to be ex-wife. I asked for space as I was struggling and he flipped out. Gaslit, manipulated and guilt tripped me to which I called the behaviour out and he went to my parents. My mum then I'm attempt to 'get me back in line' gaslit and discredited my reality and when I set further boundaries I was met with subtle threats. This all came as a gut punch to me as the masks hadn't slipped they'd flew off and I knew what I was up against. I've held my boundaries, left the family WhatsApp group and I am very low to no contact with my brother and low contact with parents.

The other day I went round to my parents and discovered my brother had straight up lied and manipulated my mum telling her about a conversation me and him supposedly had which never occured (I went through her messages, I know it's bad but I knew I'd find stuff). He then claimed I'm jealous of him, I'm pathetic and I need to go to him now because I was grey rocking him (one or two word answers).

I've also recently pieces together or at least assuming that the reason my dad has never been able to meet my eye is because of his shame. He doesn't have a problem meeting my siblings eye but with me he can't hold eye contact like I'm a stranger it's very upsetting and makes me doubt myself.

I'm struggling at the moment with isolation, confusion and anger towards them. I've worked hard to get myself well in sobriety and that is now a threat because I say the truth and set boundaries?

I feel very alone and could do with some advice on how to feel a part of and find some good people to meet. Hope someone can help.

Hello lovely people

I (38M) adopted a romanian rescue pup called ginger who is now 8 months old (I live in the UK). Shes been with me just under two months. I live in a little apartment with no garden.

I just want to share with you her behavior, positive signs and undesirable behaviors she's showing and get some encouragement more than anything. There's not a chance if give her up but I'm becoming a little disheartened to be honest.

So she arrived absolutely terrified as you can imagine. Frozen solid on arrival day. She didn't want to go in her crate and chose a safe space under my clothes rack in my bedroom. I let her stay there for a few weeks (around 3) she was having accidents on the carpet so I moved her into the living room where I made her a den under my breakfast bar as advised by a behaviorist I hired. The den was long and she was just hiding in the dark for days and weeks. I shortened the safe space and pulled it out more towards towards the living area and she decided it was safer to jump on the sofa next to me (I was fine with this). She is now glued to that spot. She goes to the toilet in a designated spot which is great as I've just lay puppy pads there for now. When something really scares her if I'm not in the room she's ran to me scared which encouraged me as she sees me as safe. That's the situation so far. Now here are some of the behaviours, positive and negative and her emotional state:

Positives/progress:

- she eats well. Full meals and treats and is happy to jump off the sofa to eat the food off a puppy pad.

- the last 5 days when I've come into the living room in the morning, I've been greeted with a wagging tail whilst she's lying down, her ears go back and she skuffles over on her belly and gives me a few face kisses which is lovely

- she doesn't bark at all

- she's happy to lie down and relax when I'm also sat on the sofa

Negatives/behavior issues

- she is terrified of everything, noises, furniture, the broom, her water bowl, me at times, I just moved the coffee table calmly and she jumped behind the tv and pooed everywhere.

- she won't let me touch her (pulls back, sits upright) clear signs she doesn't want to be touched. Because of this I haven't taken her outside or even put her collar on.

- she has been ripping/biting through the sofa throws during the night and tears up puppy pads. She doesn't really play with her toys.

I just need some encouragement, or advice on how I should help her progress. Im not in any rush but Its also my first dog and rescue. Any help and support would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance

Hello lovely people

I (38M) adopted a romanian rescue pup called ginger who is now 8 months old (I live in the UK). Shes been with me just under two months. I live in a little apartment with no garden.

I just want to share with you her behavior, positive signs and undesirable behaviors she's showing and get some encouragement more than anything. There's not a chance if give her up but I'm becoming a little disheartened to be honest.

So she arrived absolutely terrified as you can imagine. Frozen solid on arrival day. She didn't want to go in her crate and chose a safe space under my clothes rack in my bedroom. I let her stay there for a few weeks (around 3) she was having accidents on the carpet so I moved her into the living room where I made her a den under my breakfast bar as advised by a behaviorist I hired. The den was long and she was just hiding in the dark for days and weeks. I shortened the safe space and pulled it out more towards towards the living area and she decided it was safer to jump on the sofa next to me (I was fine with this). She is now glued to that spot. She goes to the toilet in a designated spot which is great as I've just lay puppy pads there for now. When something really scares her if I'm not in the room she's ran to me scared which encouraged me as she sees me as safe. That's the situation so far. Now here are some of the behaviours, positive and negative and her emotional state:

Positives/progress:

- she eats well. Full meals and treats and is happy to jump off the sofa to eat the food off a puppy pad.

- the last 5 days when I've come into the living room in the morning, I've been greeted with a wagging tail whilst she's lying down, her ears go back and she skuffles over on her belly and gives me a few face kisses which is lovely

- she doesn't bark at all

- she's happy to lie down and relax when I'm also sat on the sofa

Negatives/behavior issues

- she is terrified of everything, noises, furniture, the broom, her water bowl, me at times, I just moved the coffee table calmly and she jumped behind the tv and pooed everywhere.

- she won't let me touch her (pulls back, sits upright) clear signs she doesn't want to be touched. Because of this I haven't taken her outside or even put her collar on.

- she has been ripping/biting through the sofa throws during the night and tears up puppy pads. She doesn't really play with her toys.

I just need some encouragement, or advice on how I should help her progress. Im not in any rush but Its also my first dog and rescue. Any help and support would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance

Hello lovely people

I (38M) adopted a romanian rescue pup called ginger who is now 8 months old (I live in the UK). Shes been with me just under two months. I live in a little apartment with no garden.

I just want to share with you her behavior, positive signs and undesirable behaviors she's showing and get some encouragement more than anything. There's not a chance if give her up but I'm becoming a little disheartened to be honest.

So she arrived absolutely terrified as you can imagine. Frozen solid on arrival day. She didn't want to go in her crate and chose a safe space under my clothes rack in my bedroom. I let her stay there for a few weeks (around 3) she was having accidents on the carpet so I moved her into the living room where I made her a den under my breakfast bar as advised by a behaviorist I hired. The den was long and she was just hiding in the dark for days and weeks. I shortened the safe space and pulled it out more towards towards the living area and she decided it was safer to jump on the sofa next to me (I was fine with this). She is now glued to that spot. She goes to the toilet in a designated spot which is great as I've just lay puppy pads there for now. When something really scares her if I'm not in the room she's ran to me scared which encouraged me as she sees me as safe. That's the situation so far. Now here are some of the behaviours, positive and negative and her emotional state:

Positives/progress:

- she eats well. Full meals and treats and is happy to jump off the sofa to eat the food off a puppy pad.

- the last 5 days when I've come into the living room in the morning, I've been greeted with a wagging tail whilst she's lying down, her ears go back and she skuffles over on her belly and gives me a few face kisses which is lovely

- she doesn't bark at all

- she's happy to lie down and relax when I'm also sat on the sofa

Negatives/behavior issues

- she is terrified of everything, noises, furniture, the broom, her water bowl, me at times, I just moved the coffee table calmly and she jumped behind the tv and pooed everywhere.

- she won't let me touch her (pulls back, sits upright) clear signs she doesn't want to be touched. Because of this I haven't taken her outside or even put her collar on.

- she has been ripping/biting through the sofa throws during the night and tears up puppy pads. She doesn't really play with her toys.

I just need some encouragement, or advice on how I should help her progress. Im not in any rush but Its also my first dog and rescue. Any help and support would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance

I ended things with a woman I was seeing because the relationship was causing me intense, constant anxiety. Early on, she put me on a pedestal (saying I was the exact ideal guy she'd waited for), but it quickly became overwhelming. We had constant heavy, emotionally draining sit-down talks, and she brought up odd interactions with male coworkers and guy friends that left me feeling insecure and off-balance along with her wandering eye and asking me several times if i was messaging other women. When i asked if she was messaging other guys she said 'no' My nervous system was in constant red alert.

My best mate, people on here, all agreed that the situation was full of red flags and that walking away was the right move for my peace and sobriety. Please see previous post for full details of the red flags.

I blocked her on Monday night. The next day, emotional withdrawal hit hard. Her friend’s boyfriend unfollowed me, which planted a seed of doubt. Anxiety tricked me into thinking I overreacted. At 7 PM, I unblocked her number. Today, because her number was unblocked, a missed call and then a massive essay came through from her.

>

I'm looking for guidance as obviously this message has a lot of emotional weight to it..

Last night I (37M) ended things with a girl (33F) after seeing her for just over two months, and even though I know logically it was the right call, it’s still stinging pretty bad. I guess I’m just posting here to get some perspective and reassurance that I didn’t make a mistake

Looking back, the amount of friction, stress, and anxiety crammed into just eight weeks was insane. Here are the main red flags that kept popping up.

1. She would casually drop names of other guys that were apparently attracted to her but she wouldn't word it like that shed say he's being weird and inappropriate. One guy in particular who she saisd was overweight and married. Kept mentioning him messaging her after I just didn't ask about it. Im not that insecure. She then answered the phone to him on her day off in my car on loud speaker. That was when I started to question it. She did the same about her boss commenting that "she doesn't need to lose weight". Again I just brushed off. The latest was after I posted a story on Instagram after a shoot (I'm an actor) it was with me, my acting coach '65M' and a fellow actor '65F' She messaged me shortly after I posted it name dropping some other guy from her work she hasn't mentioned before and that he stuck up for her or something. I talked to her about it and she just denied it through her teeth that it was to get a reaction but she did understand how the first guy made me uncomfortable which she apologized for and I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

The very following evening after we talked we went out on a date. The entire time, she was overtly checking out other guys right in front of me. To the point where one guy actually turned round and looked back at her in a 'is she checking me out m' face whilst we were holding hands. It was humiliating. I almost expected it at that point, as I've noticed her preening herself when we've been out previously and there's other guys around.
She has asked me a weird amount of times if I'm talking to other girls. She asked if any girls have DM'd me on Instagram. I said yes because it was the truth but I didn't even open the message and showed her. She didn't like the fact she has contacted me and it was discussed that I unfollow her. The next night I noticed a guy in her whatsapp messages and asked her about it. She said oh it's just a guy from uni I've known for years he's a bit dopey and sent me a screenshot of the convo which did look innocent. Just don't like the double standards.

Last night I tried being completely transparent and opened my Instagram messages in front of her to show her I had nothing to hide. I made sure she could see all my messages (she didn't ask I just did it because my gut alarm was screaming at this point.) When she opened her Instagram right after, she intentionally avoided clicking her messages. She was totally fine opening WhatsApp because no guys message her there, but watched Instagram stories but did not open her messages.
Every few days felt like a new drama, arguments, anxiety, emotional sit-down talks where she'd say she's confused and that I'm going to leave her and tears. brief 24-hour honeymoon period, and then straight back to boundary-pushing. My best mate warned me early on that hitting this level of emotional burnout at month two is totally mad, but I kept trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Last night we spoke on the phone and I mentioned the wandering eyes and how it made me feel. She just denied it and said "what are you talking about" not the first time she's said that to me either so I ended it.

She's trying to contact me all day today and my stomach is doing back flips. I care about her but my gut is telling me she's so caught up in her insecurities that she'll one day hurt me as it seems she's programmed to. I want to talk to her so badly but also need some reassurance that I've done the right thing and I should keep my distance.

Hoping for some insight. Have I done the right thing?

im just over 5 weeks into 15mg after being on 10mg for 11 weeks. I feel hopeless, sad and scared. Does this pass? Anyone with experience with this please help and reassure me if possible? I feel lost. No interest in things, no routine nor desire to have one. feel depressed.

Please and thank you fellow trudgers x

Hello all.

I'm just over 5 weeks on 15mg lexapro after 11 weeks ago 10mg. A bit concerned but here are my takes:

Positives:

Little to no social anxiety

Physical anxiety greatly reduced. No overstimulation form my ADHD meds and HRV and resting HR improved since treatment.

Negatives

I take one day off my ADHD meds and my god I just sleep. I slept all day yesterday it's crazy. I did the same last Sunday too.

Have little to no interest in things. Haven't felt excitement or joy for a long long time.

A bit lazy

Im debating coming off lexapro and trying amitriptyline. I have insomnia as a result of my depression, anxiety and hyper vigilance and hear amitriptyline is great for this and also good for your mood without the emotional numbing. I'm just now dreading coming off the medication and starting a new one all over again.. any suggestions?

Just bumped from 10-15mg. I'm around day 10 or 11. Feel depressed and waves of anxiety. I bumped because I still felt depressed although my social anxiety is 80% gone. I really need my negative thoughts to piss off 😢

I'm 10 days into bumping to 15mg after 11 weeks on 10mg and I don't want to do anything. No interest in joining in things I'd normally join in on. This feels like my depression. Im not feeling enjoyment out of normal things. Is this normal? Will it pass?

How did 15mg treat everyone's depression? I do the basics well. Wash, exercise, try to sleep the best I can (long term insomniac). Connect with people but this apathy is a bit brutal and worrying me a bit.

Any experiences are welcome 😊. Thank you!

Hi everyone. I had been on 10mg for just over 10 weeks. It was working really well for my social anxiety. Like really well but I've recently gone through abuse by my family so I'm struggling even more than I was. I've bumped up to 15mg. I'm 5 days in now. Not noticing any difference yet. Not really noticing any side effects either but I'm pretty depressed. Been isolating trying to be productive as I've just left my job as i wasn't happy there. My mum has discarded me because I set boundaries so I'm therapy for that which is helping. I just don't want to feel despairing anymore. Looking for positive stories and how long until I feel effects of the upped dose.

Hey everyone, just needed to get this out of my head and share a massive breakthrough I’ve had after weeks of heavy processing.

Since I got sober 4.5 years ago my brother has repeatedly shown signs of bitterness and tried to bring me down. He has added absolutely nothing to my life or our relationship apart from competition, bitterness, and constant demands. When I finally stopped catering to him, he did what he always does, launched a massive smear campaign against me to the rest of the family. He’s done this multiple times over the years. He successfully gets his say in first, distorts the truth, and manipulates everyone into looking at me through a warped lens.

Even though I literally sent black-and-white screenshots of his guilt-tripping and manipulation to my sister and my mother the family default is always to bury their heads in the sand to "keep the peace."

But the real eye-opener through all of this has been my mum. A few weeks ago, while backing my brother and trying to completely discredit my reality and gaslight me, she tried to use a "peace offering" (buying a random golf toy) to sweep it all under the rug. For the first time in my life, I politely declined it. I realized my boundaries are not for sale. I won't let a cheap gift replace an actual, mature conversation and accountability.

Her reaction exposed everything. Because she couldn't buy my compliance or force me to play along with the smear campaign, she weaponized my recovery journey against me saying where in "my journey" does it say to treat your mum with cold contempt (I politely declined the gold toy). Eh also said "I won't forget that". Felt like a threat to me.

When that didn't work, she resorted to silent treatment. It's been over two weeks of radio silence since I sent a text telling her I loved and I want harmony her but needed space.

My therapist and a friend in AA didn't fully catch the nuance of this dynamic at first, thinking I was being "harsh" by refusing the gift. But they don't know the history. This isn't love, it's family politics. It's an emotionally stunted parent withholding love to try and force me to panic, doubt my reality, and crawl back.

Woke up the last two days feeling a heavy wave of depression from the weight of it all. But I went round to my sister’s yesterday to see the kids, and she and my brother-in-law were completely normal and welcoming with me. It proved to me that my brother's smear campaign hasn't completely poisoned the well, even if they don't fully grasp the truth yet.

I'm speaking to my GP tomorrow to adjust my meds, I’m monitoring my habits, and for the first time in a long time, I am choosing my own self-respect over their toxic cycles. If they want to play these games forever, they can play them without me. I have a life to live. The noise in my head about it all is non stop though. Guilt, shame, doubting myself and fear of being cut off or that they don't and never cared about me anyway and that I'm going to f*CK my life up like I'm still an active addict/alcoholic. That's what they like me to think and it works at times 😢

a healthy mother would contact her son by now wouldn't they?

Can anyone suggest any nice things to say to myself when I start doubting or feel guilty? Anyone experienced this?

Thanks for reading. To anyone else holding boundaries against a family smear campaign todays tay strong. It’s heavy, but we deserve better!!

Hi everyone! Hope you're all ok. I wanted to post today my experience to hopefully help people starting out on lexapro.

I've just finished week 11 on 10mg and I've learnt a bit about expectations and results during that time.

What I can say without a shadow of a doubt about lexapro is that it has literally eliminated all of my social anxiety at this point. It's incredible in that regard. I was in London over the weekend doing acting workshops back to back meeting new people and I was super chill, super friendly, approaching people, talking to people with genuine interest and felt really confident. I had to take a moment to say in my head "wow this is the lexapro" this has been building for id say the last 3 weeks. I've noticed myself incredibly calm in social environments.

I go to AA recovery meetings and I'd never share and when I did I'd be shaking and sound so nervous. My mind was full of crap and self critical thoughts and self doubt. That's no longer a thing. I'm sharing coherently with relevance and humour. That's the lexapro. It's been interesting to me because other ssri's I've taken (I've tried many) I don't remember feeling a profound change in my calmness and confidence and a really REALLY important one for me..NOT CARING AT ALL AT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME. that alone has been worth the tough adapting phase. I'm really grateful for these benefits.

These are my wins on this medication. Mood wise, I've been ok for a few weeks now. Not joyous, thrilled or incredibly excited just level. I do have depressive episodes and my mood can be crappy at times even on the meds. Doing things like going to London and working on my goals and going to the gym and for a walk, connecting with friends and trying to be of use. This is what brings the happiness and contentment I find so I've had to realise that the med won't make me happy but it will give me a platform to move towards happiness. Happiness isn't a consistent state but lexapro is helping me find more windows of it by being out of my own crap thinking!!

I hope anyone starting out can take something from this. I'm very grateful this med is working as many didn't. Good luck and God bless 🙏🏼

Hello all you disorganised lot 😇

I'm coming off of vyvanse because Its triggering addictive behaviours in me. So for my safety I need to come off all stimulants. Vyvanse has been brilliant for:

Mood, Motivation, Hyperfocus, Drive to do boring stuff, Slightly better socially

And bad for:

Sleep, Reliance, Overstimulation and anxiety and No desire to be social. Literally can sit in my apartment and play FIFA for hours. It ain't good.

Just wanted to see if anyone could share their experience of using straterra or any other non stim meds and how it benefitted you? Also considering intuniv as my CNS is FRIED from CPTSD that I'm being treated for and apparently its good for that.

Thanks y'all!

Hello all you disorganised lot 😇

I'm coming off of vyvanse because Its triggering addictive behaviours in me. So for my safety I need to come off all stimulants. Vyvanse has been brilliant for:

Mood, Motivation, Hyperfocus, Drive to do boring stuff, Slightly better socially

And bad for:

Sleep, Reliance, Overstimulation and anxiety and No desire to be social. Literally can sit in my apartment and play FIFA for hours. It ain't good.

Just wanted to see if anyone could share their experience of using straterra or any other non stim meds and how it benefitted you? Also considering intuniv as my CNS is FRIED from CPTSD that I'm being treated for and apparently its good for that.

Thanks y'all!

Hi everyone

Won't bore you all with my life story. I have combined type ADHD. Struggle with motivation, RSD and impulse mostly and some executive function.

I also have CPTSD symptoms. I'm in drug and alcohol recovery and have just had to stop lisdex as it was threatening to become a real issue. I'm taking 10mg lexapro (8 weeks in). I have sleep issues that I've had for over a decade and a very reactive CNS.

I'm meeting with my psychologist soon to discuss other treatment options for my ADHD. Just wanted experiences from you guys that have taken non stimulants or found good combos that help!

Thank you in advance 😊!!

Hello all.

It's recently been discovered that I'm the family scapegoat. Been attacked by brother and mother for setting boundaries and now sister is ignoring me. I'm on my own. I was an addict for 12 years. No doubt because of the absolute lack of emotional attunement received at home as a young boy but anyhow. I won't pity myself too much...

I have anxiety about life now. The dynamics have changed forever. I have blocked my brother on everything and have no desire to unblock him. My mum weaponised my recovery (4.5 years sober) in an attempt to drag me back into the victim so she's no longer safe.

I handed my notice in at work a few weeks ago. I have one last pay cheque coming and then that's it didn't find a new job as my current job was making me miserable. I have some inheritance to live off until next year that my dad gave me from his parents. I'm just freaking out a bit. I'm not sure if it's their voice or mine.

I'm a talented actor who's booked paid work on TV and film during my sobriety, I've just got myself a rescue dog and I'm healthy. Yet I'm scared. I'm scared I'll mess up and have to go back to them. I'm scared they want me to. I'm scared I'll be cut off from any sort of inheritance and the pain that will cause me emotionally. I have loads to offer. I'm a hard worker. Loyal, caring and help others but this horrible doubt I have is so unpleasant. Looking for successful scapegoat stories please 🥺 🙏🏼

Hey y'all

My lexapro journey so far for you guys if you need a bit of hope..

Week 1 - no side effects, no therapeutic effects

Week 2 - insomnia, heightened hopelessness

Week 3 - insomnia, bad wave of depression and despair

Week 4 - slightly noticeable decrease in social anxiety. Mood still relatively low. Still struggling with sleep

Week 5 - sleep disruptions. Less general anxiety and significantly less social anxiety

Week 6 - sleep started to improve. Social anxiety nearly gone. Mood has been meh

Week 7 - no social anxiety, noticeably better mood. Still struggling with sleep.

Looking forward to what the next month brings. God bless 🙏🏼 ✨