u/U-Might-Wanna

An unknown person or persons is at your door.

Unless you're at a funeral.

I regret to inform the Sarah Boone community... I was recently self diagnosed with pre-cancerous diabetic genealogy. My primary physician informed me this is a completely new disease he didn't know existed. He was not very nice about it so I suggested we should play "pretend doctor" but he dropped me as a highly successful patient instead. I'm sure if I Googled my imaginary symptoms I might find the only cure is expensive high carb-high sugar treats while renting movies on my tablet.

Unfortunately, my probable disability has debilitated my ability to want to work outside the home. You will all agree all of my previously prior straight 'A' comments on Reddit have been the most entertaining posts this community has ever read, I believe you guys owe me about five years of back pay for each comment. I have roughly figured the amount each of you owe me to be about $45k to $67k. If everyone could just "top off" my bank account, which I have had for over 30 years, then you will all owe me less than you currently do!

I know you guys are thinking, "Why is this happening?" Well in my soft spoken reply I would like to quietly blame each of you with my golden forgiveness. So, please, this is me telling you, I need you to Venmo me like you've never Venmoed me before. And to show my minimal appreciation for each contribution I will find some reason to not thank you for your incompetent attempts to complete this one simple task. Now, please and if you don't mind, hopefully I will be able to leave this comment with some money in my pocket and my 34 year old son in my arms. I would say thank you, but really, you people should be thanking me. Know that.

I was just re-watching Owens question Sarah and her smug looks to the gallery stood out more than usual this time. I always assumed it was just Sarah being her usual arrogant over-confident self. But I just now realized, Sarah was thrilled to finally prove Owens wrong in public! I'm sure Owens told her to appear helpless, admit her "mistake," and show remorse. So, of course, Sarah had to show her contempt for his stupid advice! You could hear how frustrated she was when Owens would ask a question she clearly disagreed with in trial prep. And you could see Owens heart sink when Sarah responded with answers he clearly advised against. Ultimately Sarah was focused on proving her defense strategy was better than a so-called "real" attorney. Sarah was more concerned with impressing a gallery full of strangers with her intelligence than convincing a jury of her innocence. How can anybody be that f-ing delusional and not be notorious for running into walls, and hall trees, constantly?

Sarah does so much dumb stuff it's hard to keep track but my new top 3 (*with a tie for third) dumb things Sarah has done are:

1. Unintentionally left a man in a suitcase overnight
2. Rejected a 15 year plea deal
   3(a). Proudly "shamed" her own attorney in court
   3(b). 58 page Professional FahQue to "Mister" Kraynick

https://preview.redd.it/kuu4sehxklkh1.png?width=1110&format=png&auto=webp&s=62e32f50dac27bab9ad11f165c2770983644580d