u/Unable-Sprinkles-354

For context: I´m 3 years older than my brother who now a days is 14. Our parents are divorced for almost 10 years. He is my height and weight, if not higher. (And this used, and sometimes is, an insecurity of mine, because of feeling like I´m underdeveloped for my age, or that he is overdeveloped for his. Making me feel like a mix of envy and jealousy.)

Since my brother was a child he has had behaivour problems. Like diagnosed by psychiatrists and so. Mostly related to expressing and communication. For example when something bothered him, he would make it a big deal, not try to fix it, and started throwing thing and breaking things. ( When he was like 3-9 )

Then as he grew up things evolved to new forms of doing a tantrum about small, easy fixable problems or discutions. Now cursing, and saying thing that hurted both me and my mom. Developing some cruelty.

But something I want to mention before continiuing is that there are times ( we both are in good mood) were we where brotherly and enjoyed our company, or shared intrest, etc.. And I always try to revive this times/moments, but its getting hard to keep trying to making he realize that he is somethimes an idiot. And a real one. Like an asshole.

The new problem, is that 2 months ago he insisted to get cats, and promised he would take care of them, to basically start becoming responsable of our pets. Because in previous occasions he didn´t do to take care of our pets. And when they arrived, the first day he cleaned the sand, etc.. But when one of them dislocated its leg, or they got ringworm, he didn't took initiative in helping with their needs. If they would have depended in him and not in me and my mom, they would have died.

Another example is last week, when my mom got phone scamed and lost a lot of her saving and credits, obviously as an accident, and my brother blamed her of ruining his life, and saying that why does he has to have a mom like her, plus some other things. Not trying to comfort her or helping her fix this issue.

My mom has always been the structure of my family, even when my dad was around. I mean like, the house is her, the car is hers .She always puts us in the first place, does everything for us. Pays for a expensive school. All alone, plus she always is there for us to help us, or hear our problems. And especially last year, like when she isolated with me for 3-4 months while i was battling leukemia. I mean she alone is the reason I´m alive. And for my brother who by the rest of my family was treated like a monster when little, she protected him and defended him, even when my dad rejected him.

In that case I talked to him, and he appologised but, the issue is that is not a one time thin. He is like that frecuently. Mainly with her or me. And when i try to defend my mom, or plead for something that is right but his foul, he takes it real bad and ends with more problem than solution.

So in synthesis he has become a really selfish, disconected, irresponsible, nasty and cruel person, and the years an years of dealing with it , and beliving he would change when he got more mature has make me tired of it. Now i don´t want to talk to him, be with him, see him, nothing at all.

I´m tired of everytime that when problems and tensions appear, after these incidents, I always try to help him understand what happened and how to avoid similar fights. Or I offer constructive criticism to help him change some of his behavior. Sometimes he changes for a while, but then he falls back into the same vicious cycle, shattering that trust and hope again.

I think right now i hate him, because of actually not wanting to change, and franklly blame him of making the mayority of issues in our house.

I need help with what to do now, how to end this disgusting feeling of hating someone so close, or this deep disapoinment. Idk.

I´m sorry if something is spelled wrong, English is no my first language. And sorry for the size but i needed to relieve some of it. ( t is a lot longer, and a lot of details)

For context: I´m 3 years older than my brother who now a days is 14. Our parents are divorced for almost 10 years. He is my height and weight, if not higher. (And this used, and sometimes is, an insecurity of mine, because of feeling like I´m underdeveloped for my age, or that he is overdeveloped for his. Making me feel like a mix of envy and jealousy.)

Since my brother was a child he has had behaivour problems. Like diagnosed by psychiatrists and so. Mostly related to expressing and communication. For example when something bothered him, he would make it a big deal, not try to fix it, and started throwing thing and breaking things. ( When he was like 3-9 )

Then as he grew up things evolved to new forms of doing a tantrum about small, easy fixable problems or discutions. Now cursing, and saying thing that hurted both me and my mom. Developing some cruelty.

But something I want to mention before continiuing is that there are times ( we both are in good mood) were we where brotherly and enjoyed our company, or shared intrest, etc.. And I always try to revive this times/moments, but its getting hard to keep trying to making he realize that he is somethimes an idiot. And a real one. Like an asshole.

The new problem, is that 2 months ago he insisted to get cats, and promised he would take care of them, to basically start becoming responsable of our pets. Because in previous occasions he didn´t do to take care of our pets. And when they arrived, the first day he cleaned the sand, etc.. But when one of them dislocated its leg, or they got ringworm, he didn't took initiative in helping with their needs. If they would have depended in him and not in me and my mom, they would have died.

Another example is last week, when my mom got phone scamed and lost a lot of her saving and credits, obviously as an accident, and my brother blamed her of ruining his life, and saying that why does he has to have a mom like her, plus some other things. Not trying to comfort her or helping her fix this issue.

My mom has always been the structure of my family, even when my dad was around. I mean like, the house is her, the car is hers .She always puts us in the first place, does everything for us. Pays for a expensive school. All alone, plus she always is there for us to help us, or hear our problems. And especially last year, like when she isolated with me for 3-4 months while i was battling leukemia. I mean she alone is the reason I´m alive. And for my brother who by the rest of my family was treated like a monster when little, she protected him and defended him, even when my dad rejected him.

In that case I talked to him, and he appologised but, the issue is that is not a one time thin. He is like that frecuently. Mainly with her or me. And when i try to defend my mom, or plead for something that is right but his foul, he takes it real bad and ends with more problem than solution.

So in synthesis he has become a really selfish, disconected, irresponsible, nasty and cruel person, and the years an years of dealing with it , and beliving he would change when he got more mature has make me tired of it. Now i don´t want to talk to him, be with him, see him, nothing at all.

I´m tired of everytime that when problems and tensions appear, after these incidents, I always try to help him understand what happened and how to avoid similar fights. Or I offer constructive criticism to help him change some of his behavior. Sometimes he changes for a while, but then he falls back into the same vicious cycle, shattering that trust and hope again.

I think right now i hate him, because of actually not wanting to change, and franklly blame him of making the mayority of issues in our house.

I need help with what to do now, how to end this disgusting feeling of hating someone so close, or this deep disapoinment. Idk.

I´m sorry if something is spelled wrong, English is no my first language. And sorry for the size but i needed to relieve some of it. ( t is a lot longer, and a lot of details)