u/Unable_Reality_8008

Throwaway account because I know manny people on reddit!
So sorry for the long post, but just looking for outside opinions! Also sorry if this is everywhere, this is my first post! I [21 F] and my [22 M] boyfriend have been on and off for about three years now. We met each other through a dating app and he was simply one of the guys that did not say something disgusting. From the beginning I was bit off about him but I knew I enjoyed his personality. My friends immediately did not take a liking to him whether it was the way he looked to the first time they met him, just simply did not mesh. Even now they do not fancy him at all and do not care to invite him anywhere and or hangout with us so much so I do not talk about my relationship at all with them because I know I will have some eye rolls and such. I have been the one to break it off each time the 1st time because I felt like he wasn’t communicating the best such as when he would leave somewhere I just wouldnt here from him for hours, or just him not communicating how we were going to hangout. All of these things were just things I had to assume which is something I knew I didn’t like. We got back together because I felt he could grow and he did, he has become way better with communication! The 2nd time around I mentally checked out of the relationship because I felt like I could do better if i am being completely honest. After this we got back together again because I second guessed myself and though I was wrong. The last time we broke up was because of me again and this time It was the same thing as the second, felt like I was over it and wasn’t being treated to the potiental I should be. Between all of these breakups we have only not talked to each other for a week. During that week I was trying to be happy and I was expect I couldn’t stop thinking about what he was doing and if he was with someone else etc. We ended up getting back together and have been together now for about a year and some change but all together 3 years. During this time he graduated from college and moved away to a job 3 1/2 hours away while I was working and staying college. We resecued a dog together at the beginning of the year. I started missing them a lot and made the decision to move in with both of them 3 hours away from my family and friends. I started a completly new job from my family and the friends I made at the previous job and I was getting free school for working full time at my job but I had to commute an hour to work. We have only been living together for about two months now and I have only been at my new job for 1 1/2 months. I will say the commute now is wayy better than the previous one. Most of my family and friends were shocked with this decision as I didn’t tell anyone until I put my two weeks in at my previous job and let them know shortly there after. I told them I did this because I did not want anyone to convince me out of this decision and I wanted to have all my answers aligned before telling everyone. Fast forward to know on why I am feeling like iffy in my deicision. For context I am in an interracial relationship so black and white. We have had many dicussions on various topics that we tend not to agree on such as one about the 4th of July. I do not feel the need to celebrate it as the 4th of July is celebrating the indepdence of the white men in america and not the african americans who were still enslaved and brutally being beaten. He feels like it is our countries holiday and sort of the “why not ?” stance on the situation. This also came up with the discussion about the american flag being hung from our house and i disagrred as it doesn’t align with what I believe in. He feels like it is honoring our troops and I stated I love to honor our troops but that is not fully what my opinion of the american flag is. I have never been okay with it but sort of shoved down because I can somewhat just ignore it. We had discussion about statues being removed specifically the statues of Robert E. Lee, the confederate army leader, and i believed his statue is fine to be taken down because he was simply racist whereas he feels like it is apart of history and it should stay up, this same argument went for Dr. J Marion Sims. Another situation is I have always felt like I am begging him to just do things without me having to ask. This has been a big constituent for me as I get frustrated having to say things repeatedly and it makes me feel like someone does not truly understand me. Same thing goes for gift giving, I have always went above and beyond for gifts to let him know i care, and understand what he wants. I have never needed a list of items to go off of and this is truly how I show my love language.
For my birthdays or christmas, I usually recieve one item after explicitly telling him what I want and or giving him an option between two items.I express many time I LOVE getting flowers as it is a way I feel like someone cares about me as well and he will get them every know and then but only when im upset about something or I bring it up to him that I havent gotten them in a long time. Valentines day as well, it is so small but forcing your boyfriend to ask you to be his valentine is not sexy or hot and BEGGING for him to get you just something especially being long distance at that time was not the best feeling. I have been left feeling disappointed pretty frequently through this relationship. I have been thinking about the future and in terms of children and have asked him multiple times. “ Can you live without children or is it a non-negotiable?” He typically answers with I dont konw, thus telling me all I need to know that he can not live without them. I have never wanted children and I do not see them in my future , I love beieng an aunt and being a dog mom but children have never been on my mind or in my future really. I would only be having kids for him honestly. I do believe I have an issue of control when it comes to him doing things. I can never truly trust that things get done the right way if he is doing it. When it comes to my dog I always feel like he will go the cheapest route even if it does not work for the long term. In the beginning of the relationship I was making more money so I would pay for things I have bought him tickets to a college football game that cost $900, I drove the whole to the game , bought the place we stayed and drove back. I bought tickets to another game which was $800 , and the same thing , he paid for my whataburger so there is that. And I took him to Disney/Universal, My mom paid for his flight to Orlando, I paid for half of his disney ticket and paid for his halloween horror night ticket. I understand this was all my decisons but i guess I expected him to step up and help me out more. He is the one now making more money specifically since I moved away and now paying for half of the rent and also only making around $15 an hour. He does pay for our groceries just because this is only fair as I am left with about $100 after paying for everything. Our deal was if one of us cooks then the other cleans and does the dishes. Well I have stuck to this deal expect one night because we were watching a show and time passed me and before I knew it, I had to get ready for work the next morning. This night he was frustated about it and did not want any of the dishes to sit in the since so I did the dishes and did not get into bed till about 11;30 that night. Well when I cooked dinner and catered to him without him asking, the dishes sat in the sink until it was just about bed time. I asked if he was going to do the dishes as it was his night and he said “ I will get them in the morning”. So I went ahead and did them because I did not want them to sit in the sink. The same thing happened the other night but this time his argument was that he bought the groceries so the least I could do was wash the dishes. I am a high enthustaist of reality tv and I understand it is not for everyone but that does not give you the right to just simply think you are better than everyone on the show. Everytime I turn on one of my shows , it is immediate faces and also him just constantly bashing the women on the shows for their looks and how they do not look natural. He gets upset with me everytime he asks me to go the gym and I simply do not want to some days and other days I am totally up for it. I have PCOS so it does not help being pushed to do something rather than me having my own motivation to go and also hearing you need to go to the gym is not the best thing mentally for me because it can be taken many ways to me. Last example of my frustation is over the past weekend, we attended my sisters baby shower and I was a big part in planning it, I havent seen my family in a while so I was super excited to see and hang out with anyone. We had planned to go to his parents the next day which was fine and I was the one who planned it that way. What came up DURING the baby shower was that we NEEDED to RUSH out of the shower and my sisters home to eat with his family. When I say rush like he was grabbing everything that we forget multiple things and my mom asked me if everything was okay because she could see the clear disdain on my face. He is loving guy and truly is not mean, he does take care of me like cooking for me all the time.

Throwaway account because I know manny people on reddit!
So sorry for the long post, but just looking for outside opinions! Also sorry if this is everywhere, this is my first post! I [21 F] and my [22 M] boyfriend have been on and off for about three years now. We met each other through a dating app and he was simply one of the guys that did not say something disgusting. From the beginning I was bit off about him but I knew I enjoyed his personality. My friends immediately did not take a liking to him whether it was the way he looked to the first time they met him, just simply did not mesh. Even now they do not fancy him at all and do not care to invite him anywhere and or hangout with us so much so I do not talk about my relationship at all with them because I know I will have some eye rolls and such. I have been the one to break it off each time the 1st time because I felt like he wasn’t communicating the best such as when he would leave somewhere I just wouldnt here from him for hours, or just him not communicating how we were going to hangout. All of these things were just things I had to assume which is something I knew I didn’t like. We got back together because I felt he could grow and he did, he has become way better with communication! The 2nd time around I mentally checked out of the relationship because I felt like I could do better if i am being completely honest. After this we got back together again because I second guessed myself and though I was wrong. The last time we broke up was because of me again and this time It was the same thing as the second, felt like I was over it and wasn’t being treated to the potiental I should be. Between all of these breakups we have only not talked to each other for a week. During that week I was trying to be happy and I was expect I couldn’t stop thinking about what he was doing and if he was with someone else etc. We ended up getting back together and have been together now for about a year and some change but all together 3 years. During this time he graduated from college and moved away to a job 3 1/2 hours away while I was working and staying college. We resecued a dog together at the beginning of the year. I started missing them a lot and made the decision to move in with both of them 3 hours away from my family and friends. I started a completly new job from my family and the friends I made at the previous job and I was getting free school for working full time at my job but I had to commute an hour to work. We have only been living together for about two months now and I have only been at my new job for 1 1/2 months. I will say the commute now is wayy better than the previous one. Most of my family and friends were shocked with this decision as I didn’t tell anyone until I put my two weeks in at my previous job and let them know shortly there after. I told them I did this because I did not want anyone to convince me out of this decision and I wanted to have all my answers aligned before telling everyone. Fast forward to know on why I am feeling like iffy in my deicision. For context I am in an interracial relationship so black and white. We have had many dicussions on various topics that we tend not to agree on such as one about the 4th of July. I do not feel the need to celebrate it as the 4th of July is celebrating the indepdence of the white men in america and not the african americans who were still enslaved and brutally being beaten. He feels like it is our countries holiday and sort of the “why not ?” stance on the situation. This also came up with the discussion about the american flag being hung from our house and i disagrred as it doesn’t align with what I believe in. He feels like it is honoring our troops and I stated I love to honor our troops but that is not fully what my opinion of the american flag is. I have never been okay with it but sort of shoved down because I can somewhat just ignore it. We had discussion about statues being removed specifically the statues of Robert E. Lee, the confederate army leader, and i believed his statue is fine to be taken down because he was simply racist whereas he feels like it is apart of history and it should stay up, this same argument went for Dr. J Marion Sims. Another situation is I have always felt like I am begging him to just do things without me having to ask. This has been a big constituent for me as I get frustrated having to say things repeatedly and it makes me feel like someone does not truly understand me. Same thing goes for gift giving, I have always went above and beyond for gifts to let him know i care, and understand what he wants. I have never needed a list of items to go off of and this is truly how I show my love language.
For my birthdays or christmas, I usually recieve one item after explicitly telling him what I want and or giving him an option between two items.I express many time I LOVE getting flowers as it is a way I feel like someone cares about me as well and he will get them every know and then but only when im upset about something or I bring it up to him that I havent gotten them in a long time. Valentines day as well, it is so small but forcing your boyfriend to ask you to be his valentine is not sexy or hot and BEGGING for him to get you just something especially being long distance at that time was not the best feeling. I have been left feeling disappointed pretty frequently through this relationship. I have been thinking about the future and in terms of children and have asked him multiple times. “ Can you live without children or is it a non-negotiable?” He typically answers with I dont konw, thus telling me all I need to know that he can not live without them. I have never wanted children and I do not see them in my future , I love beieng an aunt and being a dog mom but children have never been on my mind or in my future really. I would only be having kids for him honestly. I do believe I have an issue of control when it comes to him doing things. I can never truly trust that things get done the right way if he is doing it. When it comes to my dog I always feel like he will go the cheapest route even if it does not work for the long term. In the beginning of the relationship I was making more money so I would pay for things I have bought him tickets to a college football game that cost $900, I drove the whole to the game , bought the place we stayed and drove back. I bought tickets to another game which was $800 , and the same thing , he paid for my whataburger so there is that. And I took him to Disney/Universal, My mom paid for his flight to Orlando, I paid for half of his disney ticket and paid for his halloween horror night ticket. I understand this was all my decisons but i guess I expected him to step up and help me out more. He is the one now making more money specifically since I moved away and now paying for half of the rent and also only making around $15 an hour. He does pay for our groceries just because this is only fair as I am left with about $100 after paying for everything. Our deal was if one of us cooks then the other cleans and does the dishes. Well I have stuck to this deal expect one night because we were watching a show and time passed me and before I knew it, I had to get ready for work the next morning. This night he was frustated about it and did not want any of the dishes to sit in the since so I did the dishes and did not get into bed till about 11;30 that night. Well when I cooked dinner and catered to him without him asking, the dishes sat in the sink until it was just about bed time. I asked if he was going to do the dishes as it was his night and he said “ I will get them in the morning”. So I went ahead and did them because I did not want them to sit in the sink. The same thing happened the other night but this time his argument was that he bought the groceries so the least I could do was wash the dishes. I am a high enthustaist of reality tv and I understand it is not for everyone but that does not give you the right to just simply think you are better than everyone on the show. Everytime I turn on one of my shows , it is immediate faces and also him just constantly bashing the women on the shows for their looks and how they do not look natural. He gets upset with me everytime he asks me to go the gym and I simply do not want to some days and other days I am totally up for it. I have PCOS so it does not help being pushed to do something rather than me having my own motivation to go and also hearing you need to go to the gym is not the best thing mentally for me because it can be taken many ways to me. Last example of my frustation is over the past weekend, we attended my sisters baby shower and I was a big part in planning it, I havent seen my family in a while so I was super excited to see and hang out with anyone. We had planned to go to his parents the next day which was fine and I was the one who planned it that way. What came up DURING the baby shower was that we NEEDED to RUSH out of the shower and my sisters home to eat with his family. When I say rush like he was grabbing everything that we forget multiple things and my mom asked me if everything was okay because she could see the clear disdain on my face. He is loving guy and truly is not mean, he does take care of me like cooking for me all the time.

Throwaway account because I know manny people on reddit!
So sorry for the long post, but just looking for outside opinions! Also sorry if this is everywhere, this is my first post! I [21 F] and my [22 M] boyfriend have been on and off for about three years now. We met each other through a dating app and he was simply one of the guys that did not say something disgusting. From the beginning I was bit off about him but I knew I enjoyed his personality. My friends immediately did not take a liking to him whether it was the way he looked to the first time they met him, just simply did not mesh. Even now they do not fancy him at all and do not care to invite him anywhere and or hangout with us so much so I do not talk about my relationship at all with them because I know I will have some eye rolls and such. I have been the one to break it off each time the 1st time because I felt like he wasn’t communicating the best such as when he would leave somewhere I just wouldnt here from him for hours, or just him not communicating how we were going to hangout. All of these things were just things I had to assume which is something I knew I didn’t like. We got back together because I felt he could grow and he did, he has become way better with communication! The 2nd time around I mentally checked out of the relationship because I felt like I could do better if i am being completely honest. After this we got back together again because I second guessed myself and though I was wrong. The last time we broke up was because of me again and this time It was the same thing as the second, felt like I was over it and wasn’t being treated to the potiental I should be. Between all of these breakups we have only not talked to each other for a week. During that week I was trying to be happy and I was expect I couldn’t stop thinking about what he was doing and if he was with someone else etc. We ended up getting back together and have been together now for about a year and some change but all together 3 years. During this time he graduated from college and moved away to a job 3 1/2 hours away while I was working and staying college. We resecued a dog together at the beginning of the year. I started missing them a lot and made the decision to move in with both of them 3 hours away from my family and friends. I started a completly new job from my family and the friends I made at the previous job and I was getting free school for working full time at my job but I had to commute an hour to work. We have only been living together for about two months now and I have only been at my new job for 1 1/2 months. I will say the commute now is wayy better than the previous one. Most of my family and friends were shocked with this decision as I didn’t tell anyone until I put my two weeks in at my previous job and let them know shortly there after. I told them I did this because I did not want anyone to convince me out of this decision and I wanted to have all my answers aligned before telling everyone. Fast forward to know on why I am feeling like iffy in my deicision. For context I am in an interracial relationship so black and white. We have had many dicussions on various topics that we tend not to agree on such as one about the 4th of July. I do not feel the need to celebrate it as the 4th of July is celebrating the indepdence of the white men in america and not the african americans who were still enslaved and brutally being beaten. He feels like it is our countries holiday and sort of the “why not ?” stance on the situation. This also came up with the discussion about the american flag being hung from our house and i disagrred as it doesn’t align with what I believe in. He feels like it is honoring our troops and I stated I love to honor our troops but that is not fully what my opinion of the american flag is. I have never been okay with it but sort of shoved down because I can somewhat just ignore it. We had discussion about statues being removed specifically the statues of Robert E. Lee, the confederate army leader, and i believed his statue is fine to be taken down because he was simply racist whereas he feels like it is apart of history and it should stay up, this same argument went for Dr. J Marion Sims. Another situation is I have always felt like I am begging him to just do things without me having to ask. This has been a big constituent for me as I get frustrated having to say things repeatedly and it makes me feel like someone does not truly understand me. Same thing goes for gift giving, I have always went above and beyond for gifts to let him know i care, and understand what he wants. I have never needed a list of items to go off of and this is truly how I show my love language.
For my birthdays or christmas, I usually recieve one item after explicitly telling him what I want and or giving him an option between two items.I express many time I LOVE getting flowers as it is a way I feel like someone cares about me as well and he will get them every know and then but only when im upset about something or I bring it up to him that I havent gotten them in a long time. Valentines day as well, it is so small but forcing your boyfriend to ask you to be his valentine is not sexy or hot and BEGGING for him to get you just something especially being long distance at that time was not the best feeling. I have been left feeling disappointed pretty frequently through this relationship. I have been thinking about the future and in terms of children and have asked him multiple times. “ Can you live without children or is it a non-negotiable?” He typically answers with I dont konw, thus telling me all I need to know that he can not live without them. I have never wanted children and I do not see them in my future , I love beieng an aunt and being a dog mom but children have never been on my mind or in my future really. I would only be having kids for him honestly. I do believe I have an issue of control when it comes to him doing things. I can never truly trust that things get done the right way if he is doing it. When it comes to my dog I always feel like he will go the cheapest route even if it does not work for the long term. In the beginning of the relationship I was making more money so I would pay for things I have bought him tickets to a college football game that cost $900, I drove the whole to the game , bought the place we stayed and drove back. I bought tickets to another game which was $800 , and the same thing , he paid for my whataburger so there is that. And I took him to Disney/Universal, My mom paid for his flight to Orlando, I paid for half of his disney ticket and paid for his halloween horror night ticket. I understand this was all my decisons but i guess I expected him to step up and help me out more. He is the one now making more money specifically since I moved away and now paying for half of the rent and also only making around $15 an hour. He does pay for our groceries just because this is only fair as I am left with about $100 after paying for everything. Our deal was if one of us cooks then the other cleans and does the dishes. Well I have stuck to this deal expect one night because we were watching a show and time passed me and before I knew it, I had to get ready for work the next morning. This night he was frustated about it and did not want any of the dishes to sit in the since so I did the dishes and did not get into bed till about 11;30 that night. Well when I cooked dinner and catered to him without him asking, the dishes sat in the sink until it was just about bed time. I asked if he was going to do the dishes as it was his night and he said “ I will get them in the morning”. So I went ahead and did them because I did not want them to sit in the sink. The same thing happened the other night but this time his argument was that he bought the groceries so the least I could do was wash the dishes. I am a high enthustaist of reality tv and I understand it is not for everyone but that does not give you the right to just simply think you are better than everyone on the show. Everytime I turn on one of my shows , it is immediate faces and also him just constantly bashing the women on the shows for their looks and how they do not look natural. He gets upset with me everytime he asks me to go the gym and I simply do not want to some days and other days I am totally up for it. I have PCOS so it does not help being pushed to do something rather than me having my own motivation to go and also hearing you need to go to the gym is not the best thing mentally for me because it can be taken many ways to me. Last example of my frustation is over the past weekend, we attended my sisters baby shower and I was a big part in planning it, I havent seen my family in a while so I was super excited to see and hang out with anyone. We had planned to go to his parents the next day which was fine and I was the one who planned it that way. What came up DURING the baby shower was that we NEEDED to RUSH out of the shower and my sisters home to eat with his family. When I say rush like he was grabbing everything that we forget multiple things and my mom asked me if everything was okay because she could see the clear disdain on my face. He is loving guy and truly is not mean, he does take care of me like cooking for me all the time.