u/Unillustrated_words

TL:DR not sure where I fit but want to understand how I experience attraction, and find others with similar thoughts and feelings about it, because it's a bit lonely sometimes. Wondering about the influence of negative experiences on attraction also.

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Not necessarily wanting a label right now but I feel uncertain and a bit isolated about sexuality, and have done for a long time.I've always felt a bit different to how many people describe their experience of sexuality/attraction.

Don't know if I just don't experience much attraction or if I experience it in a different way, or if it's partly a result of negative experiences. Or a combination. I tick the "don't know" or "don't want to say " box on demographics forms when they ask about orientation.

For example, I've never quite understood what people mean by "fancying" other people as an experience (not sure if this is mostly a British term). How do they know that's what they're experiencing?

I've had relationships which included sex previously and (I think) have some possible interest in/curiosity about a future relationship which could include it, in the right circumstances. Although those seem very unlikely! I don't think I'm totally "asexual".

I can notice people as being attractive (some in a "they're conventionally attractive but no" way, others in an "I admire their style/energy/interaction/I want to be them, or they're striking" way - can be same or other sex) but I don't see people and think "I want them" or about sex with them (is that really what some people do?). Am I just really repressed? My friend has crushes on actors, and I'm like "huh? I can see he's sort of pretty but I don't get the intensity".

I had a couple of boyfriends when younger (I'm 43, f). One was for two years in my late teens (the other was 2.5 months in my late 20s). The two year one was initially exciting, flattering, I suppose, to be wanted and be close to someone, to have someone to go places with, but eventually I didn't want him touching me and ended up kind of - repulsed? Repelled? Not sure if something happened to trigger that. I ended things but really the relationship continued for way too long - I liked his family and was scared I'd lose my friendship group, plus it was a long distance relationship for a chunk of time. And I was like 18/19 also.

I was single for most of my 20s - no kissing... nothing. I didn't understand my housemates going out and kissing people they met in clubs, bringing them home. How did they know they liked them?

Also had an unpleasant experience of a man I knew manipulating etc and I experienced what I've since realised likely amounted to sexual assault. Have talked to a professional about it previously. Still feels a bit gross, shameful and wtf.

A few men have been interested in me over the years, but they've not been appropriate or attractive to me and I felt a sort of, I dunno - Embarrassment? Fear? Much discomfort!

Sometimes I don't realise they're interested in *that* way and then I catch on and I'm like "oh no". I will generally try to avoid/deflect if I can.

I looked into online dating previously but I don't get it and don't really want to. I felt uncomfortable even just looking.

It's been about 14 years since my last relationship, I think.

I rarely think about sexual stuff, but occasionally my hormones presumably have a bit of a flux and I will have some interest in thinking about it, or aspects of it. Also sometimes I think about women too. Just to add to the general muddle of things. Not labelling that either.

Anyway, if anyone has experiences of attraction that are similar, or like you just don't "get it", I'd be interested to hear. I feel like how I experience these things is a bit different to the majority in some ways (is it?). I do also think there may be some fear influencing aspects of it. Also interested if I'm in the wrong subreddit entirely as would like ways of understanding it better.

Hi all,

I used to knit, quite a lot, mainly accessories for me and items for my nephews, but it took a massive back seat for a few years. I've recently changed jobs and started knitting again. I love the portability but I feel like I've forgotten so much!

I have a couple of patterns on the needles which are currently in time out because of silly errors (e.g. stitch count seems off at the underarm split even though I was careful and marked every 20 stitches during the cast on), or (in one case) because I don't like how the designer has discontinued the pattern at the neckline and I want to adapt it so it's continual!

I also have a sock (yes, of course just one) where I keep making the same daft errors at the heel (even though I've done heels like that before!). I feel we mutually dislike each other now, me and the sock.

I even completely frogged one jumper when I'd knitted the body as I decided I didn't like the yoke pattern after all. Sigh.

It's also been stupidly hot here in the UK (and in other parts of Europe) so my motivation is not great for sitting with anything on me, even if it's cotton!

I felt so enthusiastic about making myself some tops and cardigans, seeing others' beautiful projects, but I'm now also frustrated with myself. Some of it is user error (me) and some of it is perfectionism. I've done loads of knitting without anything much to show for it!

Is this all normal and I've just forgotten? Are the knitting goddesses punishing me for abandoning the ol' sticks and string? Am I actually just not very good at knitting? Should I abandon hope?! I don't know!

Mostly this is a small rant, but if anyone has overcome similar issues (or can tell me it gets better!) when they've returned from a protracted knitting hiatus, let me know.

Hi all, it's been really refreshing to read about your experiences and also, I *think* I may fit here.

I have been aware of the bi possibility for a long time, but I've never really said it out loud. I'm 43 and have also been single for ages (I'm sort of embarrassed by how long). The thought of dating feels very scary, let alone navigating this in my 40s. I have had hetero relationships in the past (very few) but I've also had experiences which have left me feeling pretty unsettled about men.

I don't tend to feel attraction/connection often but I think I've experienced this with both men and women. With women, I used to think it was admiration but I suspect sometimes it's more than that. I don't know. I find attraction quite confusing because it's pretty rare for me. An example...a couple of months ago, I spotted a striking woman across a supermarket carpark (of all places), and I thought about her for weeks on and off.

I grew up in a family where relationships were not really discussed, and definitely not things like this. I'm finding writing this surprisingly difficult. I've spent my life ticking the "do not want to say" or "don't know" boxes on demographic forms.

What if I'm wrong about this aspect of myself (I know I don't have to tell others if I don't want to)? But I also think I might feel better if I was able to talk about it to someone. Growing up in the 90s it wasn't really something you could talk about much.

Thoughtful advice, shared experiences, directions to resources all welcome. I'm based in the UK, btw.