Functioning alcoholic trying to pretend I’m not.
I’m a healthy 32 year old girl who works a job with a smile on her face and lives with my boyfriend. However I think I really am not okay. I get into these ruts where I can’t stop day drinking before my shift (career server at a very nice restaurant) but I’m always just the person that everyone thinks is the happiest and most helpful person. I’m well revered and respected and I love my status at work. I train new servers and am often told I am the best worker they have. Sometimes though I wake with a sense of dread and anxiety I can’t place. I will stave it off with a couple of drinks and maybe a shot before going in. I know, go to AA… get help… yeah. I know what I should be doing. But it’s like I can’t. I can’t explain it besides cowardice. I don’t know. Just felt like writing it out. Thanks for listening