(tried to do a song cover)

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My reading shelf

I had appeared for jee this year with hopes of getting mechanical at some iit, but now left with nothing on my side.

To start with, I enrolled in fiitjee and it guided me with jee adv prep only. No clear guidance for jee mains was provided when I realised that jee mains was totally different from jee advanced it was already November and since I had school so also had to appear for preboards and practical etc.

Anyways, I was regularly giving mocks in the last month i.e. december and was getting a score of 150+ so thought I can get selected. But since I always gave online mocks on the final day of my jan attempt, one night before the exam I felt really scared and cried a lot cause I had given a mock right one day before my jan attempt and scored only 110 so I felt underconfident. Anyways I gave the exam and thought that i will be able to qualify for adv as I had attempted 40 questions and was pretty sure about them. But when the answer key came out it was a huge shocker for me cause I got 18 wrong and was left with a score of 70 and a 86.5 percentile.

Thankfully my parents are very supportive. Hence, they told me to not stress and prepare again this time I was cool and prepared for april attempt alongside boards. This time I targeted accuracy rather than attempts so, I was consistently getting a score of around 127, 140, 150, 137 etc in all the moderate to tough shifts of previous year jee mains.

I had less time so I had not focused on inorganic rather on strengthening organic and physical. I had the first day first shift in april attempt and I was calm. But when the paper started and reached to the chemistry section I realised that there was a heavy inorganic weightage and I was only able to attempt 35 questions, I even cried during the exam but then drank water and worked on maths again for the last 50 minutes

Eventually, I came out crying feeling like a failure. So, I had little to no hopes.

Also, in my bitsat first attempt I scored 180. But I'm reluctant to go to bits because it is very expensive.

One week after jee mains april attempt I appeared for nda just for the sake of it and scored around 296 in the written test.

That very day the provisional answer key had been released but I didn't have the guts to match my answers this time. I thought I'll only look at the result this time. But my father secretly took out all the printouts and had even calculated my score. While sitting in the car he asked me if nta had released the answer key and I told him that they had but I was scared. So he told me he had checked and when we reached home we rechecked once again only to know that I got 5 wrong and was now left with a score of 115. It was borderline.

I googled all possible percentile at these marks and every single one of them said it was a percentile above 93.5 or somewhere near 94, some even said 96. But here came another blow in my face when the result came out and I had got a 92.44 percentile in april attempt.

And a rank I had never expected - 1.18 lakh rank....

But since I was determined to not go into any private colleges I told my parents I'll take a drop.

I wanna do BTech. Hence even though I had filled cuet ka form and iiser, nest form I am not planning to appear for them.

Then on 8th May the result for nda came out and unexpectedly I had cleared the cutoff!!?

Now parents told me to prepare for ssb, but idk if that really where I wanna end up.

Then came the class 12th result.

Surprisingly did well

P-97

C-94

M-86

Eng-98

Multimedia -100

I thought of filling out the ugee direct admission through boards but the very basic criteria is 90+ in maths

My math paper went really well, but, they gave me this score.

I am planning to take a drop.

But just wanna know if there's any chance that i could get into any govt college since I'm not interested in ipu, and I'm FEMALE GENERAL DELHI HOME STATE.

tl;dr ---- JEE MAINS JAN - 86.5 %ile

JEE MAINS APR - 92.44%ile 1.18lakh rank

Qualified nda written

Class 10th boards -97 %

Class 12th boards -95%

BITSAT - 180

FEMALE, GENERAL , DELHI HOME STATE

Please help me to decide if there's any scope in govt colleges and if I should go for a drop.

And this is a thankyou to anyone and everyone who read this to the very end.... I don't have any friend or senior who can guide me with this.

It's been a very mentally draining period since the last 3 months and now I'm experiencing a burnout.