u/Vegetable-Claim-9329

I am not catholic, but have been exploring converting since I was dating a catholic. He proposed to me last year and we were deeply in love. We had our issues and arguments, but never gave up on each other and were able to work things through. The first time “broke up” he shared readings of the Bible with me and we reconnected stronger after. This was 5 years ago. Over the last 3 years, our relationship has grown and we also have grown as individuals a lot.

We were the happiest for 2 months after the engagement until his mother arrived and lived with him for up until recently. I never asked for a grandiose wedding and would have been the happiest with getting married in Church (he wanted to make sure it would be in Church) with close family, him and I and the priest officially joining us. His parents offered to pay everything for a larger wedding, but never paid any deposit although we had 2 potential dates in mind.

Since we are in long distance, his mom coming living with him prevented him to visit me or me visiting him as we used to do. He started communicating less and I would get frustrated with the lack of decision for the wedding. I had a bad feeling that his family was just making excuses to push the wedding off.

As time went, we argued more and more and he communicated less and less. His mother never liked our engagement pictures and always made the wedding planning about herself.

The mom just left the country and he “broke up” via text with me. I have asked to at least call and communicate as basic respect.

I am at a lost. I understand that it might not be a sin to break an engagement, but for me, even though I didn’t grow up catholic, that promise was sacred. I feel lied and manipulated into thinking there was a wedding and a future while his mom did everything she could to prevent this.

I know I should give up, but it almost feel like a voice is calling to ask me to wait??? I am so confused. I have also had a feeling last December that a voice was telling me the relationship is not good for me.

He hasn’t been going to Church and multiple times, I have had to ask him to please go together (even if I cannot take the “bread”. I really enjoyed going with him).

I want some help to help me understand the voices (I assume God?). Should I give him time to think this through more as it seems like he has been under a lot of pressure?

I know that we were no officially married, but it always seemed that we were to me. Idk how wrong this is, but almost as if God planned it for us to go through hard time, overcome, grow and be together.

“Matthew 19:4-6: Jesus quotes Genesis, emphasizing that a husband and wife are "no longer two, but one flesh," and warns against anyone separating what God has joined.”

I feel like his mother separated us and I am at a lost. He realizes that the past year has not been fair to our relationship because of her. How can he just end things over text? He still interacts with me over social media and would selectively reply to my messages, but ignore all the requests to communicate.

How can I help us and him get back to God? It almost feel like I am responsible to do so. I am very confused, because I have never felt that way (I am not religious), but I feel a calling to be together and bring him back to Church and have us talk to God.

Please help me understand

I am not catholic, but have been exploring converting since I was dating a catholic. He proposed to me last year and we were deeply in love. We had our issues and arguments, but never gave up on each other and were able to work things through. The first time “broke up” he shared readings of the Bible with me and we reconnected stronger after. This was 5 years ago. Over the last 3 years, our relationship has grown and we also have grown as individuals a lot.

We were the happiest for 2 months after the engagement until his mother arrived and lived with him for up until recently. I never asked for a grandiose wedding and would have been the happiest with getting married in Church (he wanted to make sure it would be in Church) with close family, him and I and the priest officially joining us. His parents offered to pay everything for a larger wedding, but never paid any deposit although we had 2 potential dates in mind.

Since we are in long distance, his mom coming living with him prevented him to visit me or me visiting him as we used to do. He started communicating less and I would get frustrated with the lack of decision for the wedding. I had a bad feeling that his family was just making excuses to push the wedding off.

As time went, we argued more and more and he communicated less and less. His mother never liked our engagement pictures and always made the wedding planning about herself.

The mom just left the country and he “broke up” via text with me. I have asked to at least call and communicate as basic respect.

I am at a lost. I understand that it might not be a sin to break an engagement, but for me, even though I didn’t grow up catholic, that promise was sacred. I feel lied and manipulated into thinking there was a wedding and a future while his mom did everything she could to prevent this.

I know I should give up, but it almost feel like a voice is calling to ask me to wait??? I am so confused. I have also had a feeling last December that a voice was telling me the relationship is not good for me.

He hasn’t been going to Church and multiple times, I have had to ask him to please go together (even if I cannot take the “bread”. I really enjoyed going with him).

I want some help to help me understand the voices (I assume God?). Should I give him time to think this through more as it seems like he has been under a lot of pressure?

I know that we were no officially married, but it always seemed that we were to me. Idk how wrong this is, but almost as if God planned it for us to go through hard time, overcome, grow and be together.

“Matthew 19:4-6: Jesus quotes Genesis, emphasizing that a husband and wife are "no longer two, but one flesh," and warns against anyone separating what God has joined.”

I feel like his mother separated us and I am at a lost. He realizes that the last year has not been fair to our relationship because of her. How can he just end things over text? He still interacts with me over social media and would selectively reply to my messages, but ignore all the requests to communicate.

How can I help us and him get back to God? It almost feel like I am responsible to do so. I am very confused, because I have never felt that way (I am not religious), but I feel a calling to be together and bring him back to Church and have us talk to God.

Please help me understand

He was with me on Tuesday and told me he would be with me again on Thursday. He lied and was planning his way out. He ghosted me the entire night yesterday. Even this morning, he kept saying he would come when I asked. Lies again. He was supposed to move back in with me, but he likely just escaped back to his home country.

He has an enmeshed relationship with his parents and they never really wanted us married. He made sure to propose without them knowing because he knew that they would have never let it happen. The mom then moved to the USA to live with him for a year to “help him while he finishes up grad school”. Mind you he is 28… the enmeshment is crazy.
Our relationship has only gone down since he moved in with his mom.

His hot and cold behavior and being a bad person and treating me so cruelly has been ongoing since January.

I am not sure how I feel…. relieved?
I know I will have nights where I will overthink and spiral (I am anxious actively working on being secure), but I believe that this might allow me to find someone who truly loves and wants me.

I am confused, grieving the him that I knew was well and relieved that I don’t need to “expect” from someone so unstable anymore.

Sometimes when I can think straight, I am pretty sure that I miss more my past innocent self that could love fully without thinking about the reality of “avoidants”. That pure love I had for him somehow is dead. I am not saying that I won’t love anymore, but love feels different now (for the better or the worse, idk…)

I suspect that my fiancé’s and his mom have an enmeshed relationship.
Some red flags:
- moving for 1 year for work to live with him and take care of him (we are in our very late 20s)
- complaining that he should focus on work instead of traveling to see me (we are ldr).
- guilt tripping him if he doesn’t visit home summer AND winter (he is doing a phd in the USA and they live abroad)
- complaining whenever he travels to see them that he is not staying long enough and again guilt trips him
- always texting him when we are together to ask when he comes back to her (using his work as an excuse)
- She got sick and kept texting him how sick she was while he was visiting me
- texting him she is bored without his presence
- asking him when I am leaving when i go see him
- Expecting him to be home abroad to buffer her own relationship with her MIL
- complaining that she wasn’t part of his proposing to me
- saying we are planning to get married to soon (we have been together for 5years)

And a lot more things and details and passive agreement behaviors (mostly towards me).
I understand I can sometimes overthink as an anxious person, but his avoidance and now the link to what I understand is mother/son enmeshing relationship has really opened my eyes and helped me understand more my fiancé’s behavior towards me. I am not defending how he has been treating me, but understanding it makes me feel better equipped to communicate to him my own needs and see if we can actually build a life together.

I am curious if anyone else had/have similar experiences?

Food for thoughts 😹
I’m all for “growing together” and being patient and understanding to avoidant, but allt some point, if you keep showing that breadcrumbs will fill you up……why would they give more?