u/VelvetAstronautica

Hello! I am going to be going back to work in January and am wondering if there are any specific things people recommend for the transition from maternity leave to practicing again. What did you do/buy that was a lifesaver, what do you wish you had done differently, how did you survive?

I've seen questions like this on other major mom forums but I find a lot of it (like wearing comfy clothes like leggings) not super applicable to my career.

Edited to mention that I don't pump or nurse

Had someone tell me that I wasn't a good mom because I didn't have anxiety. Only moms who are anxious all the time are good moms apparently?!

Frankly I don't see what anxiety has to do with it. You can have no anxiety and be an incredible mom, you can have extreme anxiety and be a terrible mom, and vice versa etc so on.

Can we please as a species stop with these kinds of judgmental comments?

We are at the end of our rope. Our little one will just not stop spitting up and spitting up and spitting up. Large amounts at a time as well as frequently. She's been like this from birth to now (8 months). Starting solids has not helped. The pediatrician said it seems benign and had no solutions.

We have tried just about every formula brand on the market: sensitive tummy, lactose free, goat milk, rice starch, etc etc. We've tried different bottles, different flows, different styles of feeding (no burping, burping 100x mid bottle, upright, laying down, smaller feeds, larger feeds, etc). I am genuinely out of ideas.

She is gaining weight and is otherwise healthy but constantly being covered in barf is doing a number on our mental health.

Anyone have this experience and have any ideas we haven't thought of?

I am curious how early a baby can physically walk. My 6 month old is showing all the readiness signs of wanting to walk, but of course she is so young I really don't think she'll be able to for some time. All she wants to do is stand and walk. She fusses and fusses when sitting or laying down until we help her stand up and walk around.

How young can babies really walk? How long after the following signs did your baby start walking?

Things she can do:

- pull herself up to stand by holding our hands (we don't pull her up, she pulls herself up)

- stand while holding furniture (she doesn't really cruise)

- walk while holding our hands. She can fully support her own weight on her feet. I can hold her hands and walk around with her for a long time before she gets tired.

I am curious how early a baby can physically walk. My 6 month old is showing all the readiness signs of wanting to walk, but of course she is so young I really don't think she'll be able to for some time. All she wants to do is stand and walk. She fusses and fusses when sitting or laying down until we help her stand up and walk around.

How young can babies really walk? How long after the following signs did your baby start walking?

Things she can do:

- pull herself up to stand by holding our hands (we don't pull her up, she pulls herself up)

- stand while holding furniture (she doesn't really cruise)

- walk while holding our hands. She can fully support her own weight on her feet. I can hold her hands and walk around with her for a long time before she gets tired.

Please consider this your official invitation to the Fake Moms Club - the club for moms who "aren't real moms" because they have experiences outside the toxic Instagram perfect mom ideal. Flip the bird to the uppity motherhood gatekeepers and embrace your imposterhood.

My credentials: I've been told I'm not a real mom because I don't breastfeed.

My best friend isn't a real mom because she had an elective C section.

**Why are you a fake mom?**

[Note: this is in no way poking fun at people who are proud of having a painkiller free birth or of breastfeeding, for example. Only those who are toxic and try to gatekeep the motherhood experience by putting down other mothers].

Being an autistic mom is so fucking hard

I've never seen anyone talk about autistic parenthood. I had heard about how hard being a mom is from communities like this one, but no one prepared me for the realities of how autism makes it nearly unbearable at times.

The way that it feels like I'm swallowing red hot coals every time my routine is interrupted (which happens basically every day), being constantly physically over stimulated while being constantly mentally under stimulated, having no time to regulate, etc.

Are there any other autistic moms here? How do you deal with autism while also parenting?

Edit for clarity: I have autism, not my child.

I've never seen anyone talk about autistic parenthood. I had heard about how hard being a mom is from communities like this one, but no one prepared me for the realities of how autism makes it nearly unbearable at times.

The way that it feels like I'm swallowing red hot coals every time my routine is interrupted (which happens basically every day), being constantly physically over stimulated while being constantly mentally under stimulated, having no time to regulate, etc.

Are there any other autistic moms here? How do you deal with autism while also parenting?

I'm wondering if I'm the only one who feels this way. To be clear, I am not attacking anyone who has come here and done this because it's not against the rules and I really understand where they are coming from.

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However, I feel like so many posts in here are so inherently negative about formula feeding. I see so many where someone has come asking for permission to stop or how to stop feeling guilty or to tell them it's ok for them to formula feed. If this was a rare occasion it wouldn't bother me but it happens over and over again. Each time it feels like a rehashing or invitation to justify formula feeding and emphasizes the social stigma against formula. It's so frustrating having to read over and over how much shame people are feeling about formula feeding and how much people in the comments have to justify and give permission. It's not formula shaming per se, but it's absolutely bringing in the societal shame to this subreddit.

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I do wish to support mothers who are thinking of formula feeding and feeling guilty about it, but I would rather see a pinned megathread or something so they can all go to one place to talk about it instead of having it posted here again and again.

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I'm curious about other people's thoughts on this topic.

Are there actual benefits to sending your child to daycare versus having a live out nanny?

I personally like the control and safety of a trusted one on one nanny who can take our child to activities for socializing etc. I just worry that they will miss out on something by never going to daycare. I plan on sending her to preschool and signing her up for lots of activities, but will she really miss out by being cared for in our home?

I've realized these last few months that while I'm very happy to be a parent, what I really want is to be the father not the mother.

I'm far more interested in the stereotypical "father" parenting role than the mother one. My dream family life is working full time, paying all the bills/supporting my family financially and then spending time with my family evenings and weekends. I love my child but being on maternity leave has been hell. I miss work!

I'm very lucky in that my husband is not the stereotypical useless dad. He does a lot of childcare solo and most of the cooking and cleaning. We've always joked that he's the wife and I'm the husband because before we had a child I paid 90% of our bills and he did 90% of the house upkeep. It made way more sense financially for me to stay home because I make more on parental leave than he does working full time but I feel like I'm trapped and drowning. It's like I have little maternal drive and I've been forced into a role I never wanted. I absolutely adore my child and love spending time with her but I do NOT like being the default parent.

Anyone else looking forward to the end of their leave?

For me it was sleep training. I started researching different methods, how to do it gently, ages to start, etc when I was like 20 weeks pregnant. I had so many articles and videos saved and was going in fully prepared....

...just to have a baby that puts herself to sleep in her crib and then sleeps 9 hours without any effort on my part lmao. She started at 5 weeks!