u/ViciousGrass

So, it opens with my mom and I in a car. We were going to a grocery store because she *really* wants to try this “traditional Chinese dish,” which as an Appalachian Gen Xer isn’t really something I’d ever expect from her. It had a Wikipedia page and was black rice with strands of yellow egg in it. I remember it being phonetically something like /dzɤʉ̃/ or /dzɤŋ/. Oh, also while we were at Kroger, Ted Cruz was giving a speech about truancy? He looked right at me and said “If this were 10 years ago, I’d call the cops on you right now for being out of school.”

He’s not even my senator, and ostensibly we were in WV

So I wake up and try to find this dish. Mind you, prior to this dream I had no clue black rice even existed. I couldn’t find it but thought it’d be fun to try and recreate it.

It turned out really, really good

Here’s the recipe if you’re interested:
1 cup black rice (uncooked)
2 eggs
1 scallion, thinly sliced
1 tsp sesame oil
1–2 tsp soy sauce
Salt, to taste
Pinch of pepper to taste
Pinch of chili powder or flakes
Tiny pinch of ground clove

Rinse the black rice

1. Add salt and pepper
2. Dice the scallions, wait to place them in the rice until plating so they remain crunchy
3. Beat the eggs in a bowl. Add the clove and chili powder
4. In a skillet, add butter or oil if it’s not nonstick

or if it is

1. you do you lol
2. Combine the eggs and scallions with the rice, add the sesame oil and soy sauce.

Enjoy — if you ever cook this and riff on it let me know in a DM because I liked my first attempt but I think it could be better.

Still can't believe my subconscious invented a dish convincing enough that I woke up and tried googling

**TL;DR My issue isn’t knowledge or capability but it’s consistency**

Hi, my name is Lori (MTF, 25— 3 years E) In my mind, it’s simple. Calories in need to be less than calories out, reintroduce activity, and stop alcohol outright. I’m 5’ 9’’ and passing despite being +/- 10 lbs from 200 at any point, but my body isn’t who I want it to be. Unfortunately, I know I have to save myself. However, there’s been so many compounding factor over the last two-ish years; heavy PTSD-inducing trauma, a move back, and my only two relatives who have anything to do with me still misgendering and deadnaming me, etc. I’ve been trying to do this for a long time and I just can’t; hence, why I’m reach out for support. I personally could stand to lose 40-50 lbs.

As it goes, I possess the ability to restrict my calories. On good weeks, I can keep a calorie deficit of around 1200-1600 calories. However, all it takes is one “fuck it” day to really mess up my progress.

Those, pretty often come in the forms of alcohol and/or midnight snacking. Both I have tried to mitigate by counting those on the next day’s calories but what happens if the next days calories are mostly filled? That puts me in a place of either having to accept my failure for that day or continue to backtrack everything over a few day’s time to even everything out. I’ve fasted before, and I try that but it gets so demoralizing if I can’t get to at least 17 hours.

I won’t call it alcoholism, that’s such an ugly word. However, to say I have picked back up a problematic drinking habit is very apt. I’ve lived in my old undergraduate college town, which is notable for being one of the top party schools. I’ve quit it before after some unintelligent periods drinking so I don’t doubt I can do it again it’s just…hard. It’s the only thing that makes me enter into a flow state at the moment and vaguely helps me sleep. However, as of late I’ve been drinking those half-fifth (375 ml) bottles of liquor, straight, because that’s around the strength of inebriation I need to sleep. I fucking hate it. That of course is extra calories, even when it’s white liquor, and then eating as a result of being drunk.

Exercise is famous to me. I used to be exceptionally active — two black belts, tennis championship winner, and regrettably football. I hiked a lot in undergrad, and still love to conceptually but that requires one other person to be enjoyable. I went with my roommate recently and we did vaguely a 2.5 mile hike wherein I was doing more bouldering than her, same as less recently with my cousin. As it goes, for traditional fitness regimes I’m getting fouled up by them as well. When before I had my dad, a teammate, or a friend to workout with and push each other I don’t have that anyone now. That’s the issue. For a few months, I did start back to the gym. I did literal hours of incline walking, and despite Estrogen I still can competently run a mile without much preparation. It’s just my lack of motivation dooms me in the end.

I don’t know, thanks for listening to my dysphoria I guess. I want to be a skinnier girl solely because I am **exceedingly** androphillic so there’s extra pressure to fit into cis heteronormative body types and spaces.

Recently, it’s been the alcohol that’s been hard. I know taking back to the bottle has fucked me again. I just wish I could smoke weed without…being reminded of things I’d rather not.

The hope is now that I’m in law school, and getting my third degree, I can use my regained stability in life to pursue these goals passively—walking to campus, cooking food rather than eating out, etc. I just would like to get a jump on it before August.

Best,
LThK