u/VoteForOmar

My process for getting out of limerence recently feels like it's been two steps forward, one step back.

I essentially spent all of this past weekend thinking about LO. I had fantasies involving me showing off how much better my life is without him and wanting to show him that I moved on from him.

I feel like I have moved on in some ways (I am trying to date again and I am trying to fill my life up with things to stay busy), but I feel like the fantasies are the hardest part for me to kill.

I will never see LO again. I (thank God) have no reason to ever see him ever again. But I keep having fantasies about seeing him at a wedding and just showing off how well I'm doing. I also picture scenarios where I avoid him, but we end up having a short, surface level conversation, or a scenario where he asks to talk with me (I have no idea what he would say to me, so the fantasy stops after he asks to talk with me).

It feels like part of me is waiting for him to realize he made a mistake, but there is a bigger part of me that would feel incredibly hurt if he did come back and say he made a mistake.

Like I don't even want him in a romantic way anymore, but I want him to see that I have moved on and I am doing fine without him.

I hate this so much. I want to be free of my fantasies of him and just thinking about him in general.

I have been thinking about my LO more recently as this time last year we were talking (this is about a month before he stopped initiating conversations with me last year).

4 months ago, I texted him and told him I had feelings for him and he rejected me. We then tried to be friends for a few days. I remember at one point we were talking and I texted him about something and he made a comment about something I love to do, saying something like “yeah, that’s an interesting habit you have.” And that immediately made me feel self conscious and like shit about myself.

I haven’t spoken to him since, but I was missing him, and I had to remind myself that I literally feel like shit about myself every time I talk to him. Any time in the past I’ve spoken to him, I’ve literally felt terrible about myself afterwards. And that isn’t what I want to feel in my relationships.

DAE feel this? What is the cause? Why?

I know rehashing everything makes the limerence worse, so I am going to try to not do that.

The important thing to know is that this man and I liked each other at first, but his feelings changed and he ended up not speaking to me for 7 months.

Not talking to him for so long hurt me so badly. I was torturing myself everyday by thinking about him and wondering if he was thinking about me (he wasn't).

Months into no contact, and I still can't get him off my mind. Knowing that today is Monday for him, but months into no contact for me kills me.

How am I supposed to move on? I feel like I will never have a connection like I had with him with anyone else. Even though he hurt me in not speaking to me, I know if he reached out to me again today I would work on forgiving him and try to take him back.

Does that speak to how little I think of myself? That I still love and want someone who did not think of me once? Who does not care about me or think about me at all?

I was wondering today - if I heard that he was in a relationship with someone else and saw a photo of him with someone else, would that finally help me move on? Or would I continue to be in denial and tell myself that they won't work out and it's a matter of time before him and I are together?

Even though he hurt me and doesn't car about me, I still miss him.

I want to be free of this and free my mind of him completely.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Today is the one year anniversary of me and LO meeting. It is a day that holds significant meaning for me, as I've been in self-inflicted pain since I met him. I have made myself miserable for 9 months since he slow faded me.

For me, it is the anniversary of us meeting and exactly three months since he rejected me.

For him, it is Tuesday.

I also started therapy today and began to cry when I talked about always having to earn love in my relationships - and feeling that so strongly in this relationship. I had to work to earn his affection and attention - and that is not something I want in my future relationships.

I am in pain because this relationship is not working.

I want to move on and be free of this. Being stuck in this is miserable.

I left this subreddit for a month, but his birthday just passed and he has been on my mind since.

I know I fucked this up, but I just have no idea how to fix it and keep it from happening in the future.

I met a guy last year on a school trip. We spent time together and flirted with each other. At one point, he said he wanted to pursue dating after finishing school. We live in different states. After the trip, he went back to his home state and I went to mine. Before he left, I gave him a note telling him I liked him with my phone number - he texted me and told me he felt the exact same way.

We texted for a few weeks. Suddenly, he got distant and stopped initiating conversations with me. I initiated three conversations over the course of a month. After the third time, I decided to stop initiating conversations. We then didn’t speak for 6 months.

Two months ago, I texted him to see how he was doing since finishing school. We had a brief, surface-level conversation. A week after this conversation, I texted him and directly asked if he was still interested in me romantically. He then rejected me.

Since then, I’ve gone no contact. I can’t help but feel like I drove him away. I know I was needy and starting conversations when he was just responding out of politeness. I know I caused him to pull away.

How can I resolve this within myself? How do I stop doing this in future relationships?