u/Wander_90

Have you ever experienced being bullied or abuse by your twin? e.g. subject to long term abusive behaviours e.g turning people against you, projecting shame onto you and putting you down

I'm a:

• 30-something ethnic Chinese woman living in a part of SEA that's more conservative than other countries there. Youngest in my family by a minute to my twin
• White collar professional in one of the coveted Asian careers (e.g. engineering, doctor etc) Part of the LGBTQIA+ community but closeted for safety.

I've been feeling behind in life a lot lately.

My family of 5 - Loving but emotionally immature parents, toxic abusive twin brother and absent avoidant elder sister; is at the point in time where I'm the only one left in the nest, staying by my parents side.

Despite my efforts to contribute and be a part of the family. All the focus of the years on them, revealed the lack of reciprocity and the shadow in the place of what I was supposed to build in my 20s e.g. social network etc with all 5 of them. Scapegoated over and over again so that the scapegoating party can avoid accountability e.g. family making fun of me for being depressed as a bullied teen, parents asking me to keep the peace by taking abuse from brother, brother blaming me for being nosy to hide him trying to cheat on his LDR girlfriend and relationally aggressing me out of our peer group circles (same age)etc when I told him to be careful how he can be framed in parties.

Looking back, I can't help but feel that me being the obedient, seen-not-heard, caretaker daughter (whose needs doesn't need to be accounted for) has attracted a lot of problems from my family members who I feel pretty disappointed with.

I can't help but feel betrayed and at a loss for words with how much time I could have spent better on healthier people that didn't see me as an object they can throw blame on to avoid accountability or someone to be looked down on.

How do I overcome this feelings of betrayal and grief over the years?