u/Wanderer_of

I managed to make it 22 whole years without cutting myself. I got through my parents abuse, figuring out I'm trans, l

Going no-contact with my family, the first year of college, leaving the country, all of it without cutting myself. Tonight I got a little too drunk and let my insecurities get the best of me. I was standing outside the bar and was wondering how much the alcohol would mask the pain. I didn't fully commit. Just ran the tip of the knife across my skin. I didn't think it would be anything, just a little scrape and no harm done. Then I saw the marks. I hate that I like it. I hate that it feels good. I hate that I want more, that I want to try maybe going a little deeper. The marks feel right. They feel like they belong. At least I had the sense to put the knife in some dirty water. I knew that the autistic need to prevent infection would overpower the want to do more. Even so i keep thinking about just cleaning the knife off and trying again. If

Be called 988 before. I have plans in place, gods know I haven't been 100% stable so I know what to do if I cut just a little too deep.

TL:DR I tried cutting myself and I wish I could stop wanting more

COPY OF A POST I MADE TO TUMBLR, APOLOGIES FOR FORMATTING ERRORS IM DRUNK

I'm taking my first steps to getting top surgery, and I've been thinking a lot about my own personal feelings on it. I spent a really long time being super ashamed that I couldn't follow the "ideal" formula of taking HRT and getting perfectly natural, cis passing, or even just noticeable breast growth. That shit just didn't happen to me, and I worried about it, obsessed over it, cried myself to sleep over the feeling that I just need to do just a little more. I want to maybe see more representation of girls who maybe weren't so lucky. I think there's a lot to be said for how much I've seen of people drawing their transmasc characters with top surgery scars, but l've never seen a transfem character with a scar along the inside of her armpit, or even a hint on the underside of her breast. I think there's also a lot of societal stigma around breast enhancement and I think a lot of people carry that with them.

Apologies if this is incoherent, It's been a long day and my brain is soup.

I'm preop and my dick is, to be frank, a nuisance. I hate it and I want it gone ASAP, so I'm hoping this will maybe finally give me some atrophy while my injections take care of the rest of the body. I'm hoping that also, maybe, the fact that it's on an area with thin skin and high blood flow will make it so it enhances the effects that it would normally have. This wouldn't be a long-term thing since I only have a few patches left and I'm not planning on refilling them when I already have injections. I just want to maybe accelerate atrophy because this thing such a bother.

I'm not sure where to post this that will allow it since r/latestagecapitalism doesn't allow crossposts, so please feel free to share since I know this isn't the best place.

I have now wasted two whole days trying to find sheets that I like, and I know that my search is not over. I've come to understand that I will not be able to get my hands on something in silk or in purple, so I decided I would settle for something either pink, red, or black, in any material. I spent another full day searching and found one product. Now I lay here on my vaguely salmon 144 count cotton sheets. They feel like sandpaper. I face the knowledge that I will have to spend at least another day searching for fucking sheets as merely a shell of a broken woman. All of this because I didn't want my house to look like an ambient occlusion pass; because I wanted sheets that weren't boring.

I've just spent the past like 5 hours traveling all over Hell trying to find somewhere that sells silk sheets in colours other than landlord grey. Specifically I'm looking for either purple, pink, black, or red and I want to buy in-person since I'll need to have them by next Friday. Was wondering if anyone has any advice? Failing that, where can I buy cheap white silk sheets, and how well do they take dye?