u/Weak-Departure-4281

29F, surgical trainee

I am being forced to accept a proposal I am not interested in. My mother has been after my life this entire time, she has called over the family to our house twice so far without my consent and I was forced to sit and talk to them politely.

I have bawled my eyes but she won’t listen. I don’t know one bit about this person except his name and location. His side of the family is seems highly interested in us and despite me rebelling, my mother doesn’t care.

I am too scared of arranged settings, I have always wanted to find someone of my liking and marry at my own pace but due to my career plans, I wasn’t left w much time to explore my options.

How ELSE do I tell my own mother to understand me once. I’ve resisted her for so many years, now she’s just being ignorant and forceful.

Just too overwhelmed to think straight rn.

I lost count for the number of eye creams I have used. Please tell me an eye care routine that you SWEAR by? Or is PRP the only option?

Hello,
My sister is a final year law student and is seeking an internship at a firm. If anyone has any information or provides internships to students, please do reach out. Thank you!

I am a 29F, surgeon in training, upper class family.

A friend introduced me to a guy from Canada. I told it might not be a good match given I want to continue practicing medicine and Canada seems out of question career wise but she insisted I should give it a chance, I agreed and she scheduled a video call for the 3 of us.

Things felt smooth, there was initial attraction, he brought up getting married in July which was too quick for me but I was surprised at his good decision making and thought I would like to give this a chance. 

Our families got introduced, they got along and the excitement for a wedding grew. The bond grew, we spoke a lot, eventually he applied for a travel visa, spoke to his manager for an upcoming leave from work, planned a budget for the wedding. Our chats, though regular, were pretty playful and platonic. I have a mindset of growth and emotional stability, and I believe it really clicked with him.

Everything felt smooth until his brother decided to plant in his brain he didn’t have enough money for the wedding. (A little background, he lives in his brother’s house who’s already married with a newborn, and I would have had to move to the same house). I started feeling the distance in the bond the very moment. He told me he doesn’t have adequate money to which I gave him all possible solutions, mind you, I was never in favour of a grand wedding from the very start, and this situation I further implied that a simple Nikkah was more than enough for me, but he insisted on his brother’s disapproval. 

Anyway, He mentioned that his father and sisters living in Pakistan would like to pay us a visit (from another city) to which we agreed. 

Turns out just 3 days before their arrival, his mother, jo wese to mere calls nhe answer krte thein lkin is baat k lye she answered my call (also living in Canada w him) said they don’t know anyone in Karachi so it’d be a request for us to keep them in our house; 2 sisters, a father and a brother. 

I had never spoken with them, my mom does shariah parda, 3 days before their arrival, people unknown to us, yet my parents open heartedly decided to welcome them despite my disapproval of this arrangement. 
I spent almost 50K renovating a dysfunctional room in our house, just to make it liveable. 

After living with us 3 days, 2 nights, taking them sisters to all the places around the city and relatives they wanted to meet, in my own car as their personal chauffeur, spending another 20K on the food, serving them 4 times a day, hiring a cook because obviously my mom couldn’t have worked so much and my parents going out of their way to respect them, his father agreed to proceed w this marriage, gave me 5K and a box of meethai we took pictures. So far, no calls from Canada in these 3 days while I was serving his family, not one thank you or slight appreciation. 

Next day I message him only for him to call off the wedding out of nowhere saying bhai nhe maan rhy. :)

All of this happened over a span of just 2 months. 

This happened a while ago and I thought I had moved past it until yesterday when this topic came to light and my mother made it all sound like was my mistake they came, and I should have said no to them coming over to our house and then abandoning us, despite me initially rejecting the idea of them staying over instead of just visiting us over a dinner, she labelled it as my fault, saying ham ne to ye sab tumhare khushi k lye kia tha.

I don’t know where I stand. I am truly speechless. Now am I someone who would be labelled as having “a past”? Was this all my fault? Did I attract the wrong person? Did my fears play its role and manifest the worst outcome? I don’t know what happened. 

Everything was alright until it wasn’t. I am still left questioning the circumstances. All I was asking for was a happy married life and a mature partner. I don’t look for money, I am not materialistic, I don’t want grand gestures, yet got reduced to thinking that despite wanting the bare minimum, things still couldn’t work. Why?

What and where did things go wrong…