u/Weak-Telephone-239

Long story short is that I’m in the midst of a long period of life changes (daughter graduated college and is living 400 miles away; husband retired recently; ended a long friendship) and I’ve been blue and blah and I’ve stopped cooking almost entirely. And, when I do cook, it’s lackluster and downright boring.

I love to cook and I’m pretty capable in the kitchen.

What are some of your favorite recipes, things that are fun to cook, exciting, inventive? What have you done to get yourself back into the kitchen? (As I type this, I’m literally boiling a potato for dinner to have with a veg frankfurter. Nothing wrong with that dinner, but nothing exciting or inventive or engaging).

EDIT to update: Thank you all SOOO much. I now have a list of quite a few things I want to make, and I'm remembering that I've been wanting to make a roasted eggplant pita sandwich with fresh hummus.
Truth? It's not about recipes so much as admitting I've been feeling lost since the daily pattern of my cooking changed from routine family meals to mostly cooking for myself and leaving leftovers occasionally for my husband.
Your comments helped me remember how fun and exciting cooking can be. Thank you!

I think I just need to write it out, and see if anyone out there can relate. About six months ago, I ended a lengthy friendship (nearly 20 years). We'd met when our kids were little and remained friends after I moved away from the area.

I know that ending the friendship was right for me. There were no boundaries in our friendship and even though nothing specific ever happened, I slowly realized that I was constantly saying yes to talking to her even when I didn't want to. We'd talk multiple times a day and the vast majority of the time, it was me listening to her. Sometimes there were big things going on in her life, other times, it was just banalities - literally listening to what she bought at the grocery store and what time her dentist appointment was.

She drove me crazy but I felt beholdened to her because she was/is seriously ill, and I was the only the person she confided in, and so I kept saying yes.

As her illness progressed, she became more and more erratic in her lifestyle and behavior, she leaned even more on me as her one and only confidant (though she has children, a husband, siblings, and many, many other friends in her life), and I started to emotionally break down.

I have a long history of people-pleasing, anxiety, depression, and OCD. With the help and encouragement of my therapist, I stepped away from the friendship. I was honest with her about my needs, and after a few awkward discussions and exchanges, she completely stopped reaching out.

Since then, I've slowly started to recover. I was diagnosed with c-ptsd, which has helped me put the pieces together, and I see that our friendship was toxic and that she lied to me and unconsciously manipulated me (told me that I was her one and only, that she couldn't think without my help, that she needed me to talk to everyday so that she could straighten herself out, sent me expensive gifts).

I know it was the right thing to do. But still: this thought remains, and still haunts me. I ended a relationship with someone who is suffering from a terminal illness. And I feel like an asshole. No matter that I was/am ill, too. No matter that I gave her all my time and all my mental energy (to no avail! Her problems were never solved; her needs never met; she just said she needed me more and more).
Ugh. It's a crappy place I've been stuck in. Can anyone else relate?

I posted here yesterday about some issues I have with eating meat so as to not be a bother. I thank you all for your responses as they got me thinking about what my root issue is.

I wasn't clear in what I wrote: I have eaten meat purely through my own choice because I wanted to fit in, to not stand out, to not "be a bother." I did this in my own home, cooking meat for my in-laws because they are meat eaters and then eating said meat myself (which left me feeling awful both physically and emotionally).

My truth is that I avoid speaking up for myself. I subjugate myself constantly, never wanting to rock the boat or stand out in any way. Yes, I'm a people-pleaser, but I'm also a chameleon, and this has been a lifelong pattern.

I'm 53 years old and have been dabbling with being a vegetarian since I was 21. There was a two-year span of time when I was fully committed, and it felt great. This was during the pandemic, and so without any of the usual social pressures I felt to fit in/go along, it was relatively easy.

I'm writing all of this because I need to make a public declaration. It's time for me to do this! I fully and completely believe that not eating meat is the right thing for me; it's what I genuinely want to do. My competing need to never speak up has harmed me for too long.

So, here I go. I have to accept that being fully committed to being vegetarian will require me to say no, or to accept "weird" meals of only mashed potatoes and other side dishes. I need to check my hang-ups and move forward, fully committing to what I know in my bones is right.

I'm very, very new to this sub, so please forgive me if this isn't quite right. I just wanted to share where I am and what I'm planning to do. Thanks for listening.

Also - finally: I'd like to use this new commitment as a springboard into healthier eating. I know I tend to lean far too heavily on cheese and meat substitutes, and look forward to finding healthier eating so I can lose some weight, too. My issues with food are deeply rooted and I guess the point I'm making (with too many words!!) is that I want to FINALLY start doing what's right for me.

I’ve eaten a primarily vegetarian diet for five years. I still lean on fish at times, but I feel much better when I don’t eat any meat.

My issue is that I’m a life-long people-pleaser and I find myself eating meat at certain social settings because I don’t want to be a bother.

I truly want to commit to being fully vegetarian because that what aligns with my morals and values, and there is no reason not to except for my own insecurities.

If anyone has experiences to share, I’d love to hear them.

I was getting dressed this morning and pulled out my favorite pair of socks. They are pink with pretty flowers on them, and in large letters, they say: "Hi! I don't care, thanks."

Back in AA, when I first got these socks, I shared a picture with my sponsor in an attempt to be friendlier with her (I was always told I wasn't talking to my sponsor enough), and her response?

"Be careful with sarcasm. Could be a sign of relapse. Definitely sounds like you're taking your will back. You need to pray."

I'm not kidding.

How about you? The world is pretty much a dumpster fire right now, and things feel overwhelming and stressful. AA fucked so many of us over, but maybe we can heal through a bit of laughter.