u/Weak-Telephone-239

I posted here yesterday about some issues I have with eating meat so as to not be a bother. I thank you all for your responses as they got me thinking about what my root issue is.

I wasn't clear in what I wrote: I have eaten meat purely through my own choice because I wanted to fit in, to not stand out, to not "be a bother." I did this in my own home, cooking meat for my in-laws because they are meat eaters and then eating said meat myself (which left me feeling awful both physically and emotionally).

My truth is that I avoid speaking up for myself. I subjugate myself constantly, never wanting to rock the boat or stand out in any way. Yes, I'm a people-pleaser, but I'm also a chameleon, and this has been a lifelong pattern.

I'm 53 years old and have been dabbling with being a vegetarian since I was 21. There was a two-year span of time when I was fully committed, and it felt great. This was during the pandemic, and so without any of the usual social pressures I felt to fit in/go along, it was relatively easy.

I'm writing all of this because I need to make a public declaration. It's time for me to do this! I fully and completely believe that not eating meat is the right thing for me; it's what I genuinely want to do. My competing need to never speak up has harmed me for too long.

So, here I go. I have to accept that being fully committed to being vegetarian will require me to say no, or to accept "weird" meals of only mashed potatoes and other side dishes. I need to check my hang-ups and move forward, fully committing to what I know in my bones is right.

I'm very, very new to this sub, so please forgive me if this isn't quite right. I just wanted to share where I am and what I'm planning to do. Thanks for listening.

Also - finally: I'd like to use this new commitment as a springboard into healthier eating. I know I tend to lean far too heavily on cheese and meat substitutes, and look forward to finding healthier eating so I can lose some weight, too. My issues with food are deeply rooted and I guess the point I'm making (with too many words!!) is that I want to FINALLY start doing what's right for me.

I’ve eaten a primarily vegetarian diet for five years. I still lean on fish at times, but I feel much better when I don’t eat any meat.

My issue is that I’m a life-long people-pleaser and I find myself eating meat at certain social settings because I don’t want to be a bother.

I truly want to commit to being fully vegetarian because that what aligns with my morals and values, and there is no reason not to except for my own insecurities.

If anyone has experiences to share, I’d love to hear them.

I was getting dressed this morning and pulled out my favorite pair of socks. They are pink with pretty flowers on them, and in large letters, they say: "Hi! I don't care, thanks."

Back in AA, when I first got these socks, I shared a picture with my sponsor in an attempt to be friendlier with her (I was always told I wasn't talking to my sponsor enough), and her response?

"Be careful with sarcasm. Could be a sign of relapse. Definitely sounds like you're taking your will back. You need to pray."

I'm not kidding.

How about you? The world is pretty much a dumpster fire right now, and things feel overwhelming and stressful. AA fucked so many of us over, but maybe we can heal through a bit of laughter.