u/Whatdehelllohhmygod

Reposting from r/teenagers... sorry

For the past two weeks I’ve posted more on Reddit than I ever have in my life, especially to this subreddit and it has just been about this relationship I’m in.

I am 17 M and this is my first actual relationship (previously I’ve just gone out on one or two dates with girls), previously I posted on here about all of the problems me and my girlfriend (16 F) of one and a half months were having and every single comment basically told me to break up with her. I try to be as unbiased as possible but even I know that this is a pretty toxic relationship. A fuller and better story was posted on this subreddit but I’m sorry I would link it but I don’t know how. I’m going to skip past most of the problems we’ve been having and instead focus on our short-lived ‘breakup’ last week Wednesday. By the way we’ve had ’breakups’ before but they last either one night while I’m asleep and we fix it (without actually addressing any problems) when we’re both awake or they last all of 30 minutes before I apologise because she’s crying.

So anyway I had been planning to breakup with her on the weekend but she was going to her older brother’s football game and having dinner on the next day with family. In the past we’ve sometimes had arguments on special days for her (I don’t do this intentionally, they just happen either because I say something or she says something that ticks the other person off) and she gets really mad that I spoil her nights, so I did not break up with her. On Monday she had something on again and on Tuesday she had therapy which is difficult for her so I held my tongue and on Wednesday she had a photoshoot (she’s a model) so I decided to just send her the very nice breakup text I had written on Thursday.

On Tuesday night we got into a fight on call where she proceeded to compare me to her ex (we had had a very rough two weeks and the arguments kept happening). And after the initial argument had ended I changed the topic to the World Cup and asked her who she was rooting for in the semi-finals. She said Spain and then proceeded to look at the camera and say “you probably want England to win right, because all f****** (I don’t know if the subreddit will lock my post if I swear) Australians think they’re English,” I was calm but caught off-guard and told her that all of the semi-finalists were bad to me and that I wanted Croatia to get to the finals. She said “why Croatia? Croatia would get r**** by the Germany team (she’s German) and so would Australia,” and at this point I’m like why is she saying this and I try to stay calm but say that Croatia is better than Germany in today’s football and that Germany and Australia both tied to Paraguay. She gets more heated and says some pretty hurtful things (and she chose what to say to cut quite deeply) and that the Germany team was full of daddies and also some stuff about Jude Bellingham (me personally I don’t care THAT much about whether or not she has celebrity crushes but it still does twinge. And so we end the call quite angrily and she texts me that she can’t do this anymore and I tell her to just sleep on it and wait till Thursday to talk again (because she had the photoshoot on Wednesday).

On Wednesday in the early morning I don’t really remember what started things but I was going to not text her the whole day (I didn’t want to accidentally ruin her big day) but she texts me in the morning about my account and I misunderstand what she says and give a different answer (an ACTUAL honest mistake but a mistake by me nonetheless) and she says that she can’t do this anymore again. I had already had a bad start so I just sent her the breakup text (actually a really nice and kind text) and she was FUMING. Non-stop “you’re a f****** b****,” “I broke up with YOU,” “you’re worse than my ex,” (her ex cheated on her and made her suicidal and she’s still in contact with him and he makes her cry TO THIS DAY) “you should k*** yourself,” “if I do something tonight (self-harm) I’m going to blame it on you,” and many more for about 45 minutes. I’m not trying to toot my own horn but I was EXTREMELY calm and was trying to be mature about this. I think that the most I did was say “you texted me that you couldn’t do this anymore first,” and that I intended to ghost her today when she blamed me for ruining her photoshoot. I think it ends with her calming down a little and I tell her that I would fight for her any day but I can’t fight for her to love me (corny, I know) and I asked her to think if she still wanted this. For the rest of the day we didn’t text as I had to meet some family (she texted me on the train that she wanted to fix things but I was treating her like a ho by not texting her and I told her that I was just waiting for her reply). When I got home we called and we had another huge argument and she started to cry and she told me that she warned me that her mental state would get worse a few weeks ago. It clicked in my head that she did actually warn me of that and she even told me back then that if I wanted to break up with her that was the time. I felt really bad and she was crying so I started to apologise and reassure her that we can fix this and that I love her (I really rushed the relationship with her, mind you we’ve known each other for a month and a half but I feel like I really do love and care about her and it feels like I’ve known her for way longer). She cries but gets better and for the next few days we’re pretty good with minimal problems.

Over last weekend, she learnt that she got her period and she texted me “sad sad week for you,”. I love her, that was funny. But now she’s always a bit aggressive and hurtful toward me but she has major mood swings, (her mother has bpd and I think she mentioned that she’s been diagnosed with it as well). I think it may go down after her period has finished.

My main question is… does my girlfriend actually still want me? I’ve given her so many opportunities to break it off with me but it’s like she still wants this? I thought that maybe it was just for the attention I give her but I know and she knows that she could get another guy in seconds if she wanted to. I‘m not handsome but I wouldn’t say I’m ugly.

I’m very grateful for any help anybody can give me, but please don’t just say ‘break up with her bro’ as I don’t want to do this and have already heard this many times. But again I am so very grateful if you have read the entirety of my SUPER LONG post. I’m sorry if I come off as biased I have had a pretty rough morning and if there are any questions or inconsistencies in my post I will clarify. Thank you!

I would like to start by saying that I've been out with a few girls before this one but I've never had a girlfriend and am a virgin.

I have been talking to this girl for one month yes I know I may have jumped the gun and rushed things with her but I really do love her and when she wants to be sweet she can be very sweet. Ever since I met her she's been going through a very difficult part of her life and is severely depressed. At the start of our talking she would give me little tidbits of information that clued me in on how bad her life was and I wouldn't really know what to say but by the second week I would say that I was extremely supportive of her and am to this day. While we were planning our first date she hinted (even though she will say she never hinted, she did) at making out in the cinema to which I got very excited at as I've only kissed one girl before her and my teeth were closed and it lasted for a second. In the cinema on the date she actually initiated the first kiss and the next few, at one point I clumsily swooped in to kiss her and just as the movie was ending I asked for one more but she said only if we can find a private place (which we never did). During the movie we would also hold hands and glide our fingers across each others skin and at one point she put my hand on her boob and I was like what are you doing and she got really pouty and said I didn't want to touch so I said yeah sure and she took my hand and put it back, I didn't squeeze or anything my hand was just there my senses were overloaded. A week later maybe she tells me that the making out in a public space made her uncomfortable. On our second date we watched obsession in the cinema but didn't do much because she was angry at me for buying flowers for her to celebrate our one month but she was embarrassed as I did it in public and she couldn't even bring the flowers home so I returned them (this I completely take as my fault as she's said she doesn't like being the center of attention in public). A few weeks pass by and I notice some extreme changes in her personality and mood (but her mother is bipolar and I think she mentioned being bipolar too). She talks more about her ex who she was with for two years and how he cheated on her and a lot of her problems today are because of him manipulating and messing up her life (she told me once that he used her for her body and she also cries because he harasses her to this day but she's the one who keeps texting him). However I've noticed that he still has quite a hold over her. She also told me (but only because I asked, however she doesn't show any sign of regret or embarrassment when saying this) that they had sex a lot and in places like a disabled bathroom and also a karaoke room however she said that she never liked it. She also told me that she saw a guy last year while she and her ex were on break after he had cheated on her and he fingered her in a restaurant underneath a jacket. Being a virgin, I was very hurt by this. She also tells me that her she grinded on her neighbour in Germany (who she will see next month by the way but she said nothing weird will happen). These past 2 weeks have been quite quite quite hard on us and she and I argue quite a bit but I always end up apologising. Yesterday night, she said very calmly that I was a lustful man and that I could never change that. She also said very subtly and quickly 'only her ex was somebody who wanted an emotional connection, just like her'. Granted, she had a very very tough day that day and we had fought earlier and even broke up for a second before I saw her tear up and I immediately apologised and said how much she meant to me and that we'd fight for this any day but I got really hurt when she said I was lustful. The reasoning she gave was that I kept asking and getting angry about the physical things she had done with other guys while she had only ever asked me whether 'I loved another girl'. I think it is hypocritical for her to call me a lustful man but what I am even more worried and sad about is if she honestly believes that I cannot be a fit for her emotionally. Again I DO NOT want to break up with her and I do love her a lot when she is sweet and nice. I now that if I do break up with her it will get better eventually but I seriously cannot go through the eventually. I know it's a red flag that she's hung up on her ex but sometimes she can be so sweet and she also realises how her ex messed her life up.

If there are any holes in my story please point them out and I will truthfully fill up the holes, I'm sorry if this doesn't read well as Im not great at writing.