u/Wide_Philosophy_8109

We broke up some time in february. And it was really not healthy. She was becoming very bitter, and I was starting to see how poorly she wanted to treat me. It felt really really good at the time. We just weren't good for eachother any more. But since then, I just haven't been able to find a new goal in life. I've been really slacking on work, and I don't really know how to make myself do anything.

BPD people are really really addicting, even if they aren't healthy for you. They have a gift for being able to see exactly what and who you are, and they idealize it. It feels like they see the absolute best possible version of you. They're also dependent on you though, and they trust you to help. All of this combines to give a really strong sense of purpose. I felt like I mattered with her. I had something I needed to work for, I felt important and needed and able to accomplish things.And now that's gone. If I slept in for a week, no one would notice. If I fail, no one will notice. If I do great at work or school or whatever, no one willnotice. None of it matters. I hate myself and don't want to see myself succeed. There's no reason for any of it anymore. I'm tired, I spend all day looking forward to sleep. I'm tired of trying. I don't feel connected to any current friends. I hung out with them last night, and I just felt third wheeled the whole time. It made me realize how much I still miss her. I don't have anyone who sees me and smiles any more.

I've been doing this a few years, but still feel like this is worth discussing. How much of each color do you get, or recommend getting? Assume nothing has multiple shades (brown and dark brown).

I think the aloha bag is generally agreed to be great, but I've never seen someone talk about the Su'mae apron. Is it any good? The pockets for rounds seem really nice.