u/Wild_Growth_5666

24 years old, female to nonbinary (more transmasc).

i’ve been on t since january, so about 9-10 months. i’ve loved the bottom growth, the voice deepening, the muscle definition, flattened breasts, body hair increase,the ease of my mental health/dysphoria, and general weight redistribution. but i’ve been plagued by two big issues lately that have me in a horrible place.

i’ve never had acne on my life but it’s come hard. i was in gel for six months, planned parenthood pushed me to switch to the shot, and the shot brought on painful, deep cystic acne. i switched back to gel after a month but the damage was done. now in a few weeks ill be starting accutane, which makes me nervous about the side effects, which include my other main stressor.

my crown has been thinning like wild. i started 1mg finasteride around the time i switched to the shot, but since then it’s gotten worse. my scalp is much more visible in my crown and pictures from above are horrible. i posted to amibalding subreddit and the answer is yes.

i just don’t know what to do. i feel lost and so emotional about this. to combat it, ive even gone down to one pump of gel for a month now instead of the two pumps i’ve been doing basically since i started. i feel helpless. i only wanted more androgynous features and ended up loving t. but these two side effects have made the last few months horrible for me.

i’m a 24 NB with a cis male partner, both of us are pansexual.

after moving in with my partner and limiting/cutting contact with a lot of my family, i’ve been going through a lot of things in my mind, with a heavy focus on my gender and presentation. maybe it’s because of all the recent changes, maybe it’s being away from transphobic parents, not really sure.

anyways, i’ve been ruminating on top surgery. i’ve hated my chest since i was a teen. i literally hoped i got breast cancer so i could have a reason people understood to get rid of my chest. i wore an ace binder from 15-16 at school, then suddenly lost a lot of weight that made it so i had little to no chest, so i was alright for a while. college came and i gained weight and they’re were full force out and round, 38C tits.

i was experimenting with gender fluidity and was okay with it enough to survive (had bigger problems at the time), same for after college. now four years later, three years into a supportive loving relationship, i can’t stop thinking about how i hate my chest.

i love my chest maybe 5% of the time in a hot bikini moment, and i like how they look in certain bras, but it’s like im looking at someone else’s, not mine. i always wear a sports bra and trying to wear a binder more but it’s so uncomfortable, even though i love the look. i also get overstimulated easily.

all in all i think i want them gone. but with that comes a lot of risks. my partner is willing to be with me and try, saying he will always love and support me, though he admits (validly and honestly) that he doesn’t know if he’ll lose attraction to me because of it, and it will make him think i’m transitioning into a man, which i don’t think i want to do, i like being nonbinary and best of both worlds.

it kind of feels like everyone (partner, bff, friends, siblings) loves my chest more than i do, even with their support of what i want and need to do.

i haven’t thought of the logistics, like recommendation letters, payment, how my parents would react, or realistic healthcare coverage (still on parents plan but have access to employers plan), but these thoughts have been plaguing me more than usual.

im a 24 year old NB who uses they/them but is toying with the idea of he/they and he/him quite a bit personally and out loud with friends and partner.

i have a pretty public facing profession, that is becoming WAY more public after taking a new job a few weeks ago. in one week, our new website and social media channels will launch to the public and start getting updated daily. while this is awesome and a total career-launcher, it’s got my stomach in a twist.

with this company, i’ve been using they/them exclusively, something i’ve never done before. and with all of our promotion posts to get going, i’m using they/them to describe myself. i’ll also use it in my biography, which will be attached to everything i do on the website. the problem? my parents are extremely trans and homophobic, more so trans in my opinion.

think a christian nationalist, evangelical, narcissistic mother with a clear personality disorder who’s untreated, and a father who loves his kids with all his heart but grew up catholic, huge family, and has been warped worse over time by my mother and trump (not to absolve him of all guilt, of course). also think coming out as sexually queer as a teen and being sent to talk conversion therapy for a year with a church member that they said never happened.

i think my moms a lost cause at this point, as she’s just gotten worse over time, particularly this last year. i have a very close relationship with my dad as the oldest kid, even with our major belief differences.

the point here is, in one week, they will see that launch for my job. while my dad might not get it at first, my mom HUNTS for this kind of information to use as ammo. i’m also pretty sure she’s starting clocking me at 4 months on T. (and saw they/them in my email sign off the other day but said nothing)

what do i do? do i take it as it comes, deny it outright, or let them know? i know ive kind of already decided to blow it up by using they/them publicly, but im scared. my dad just got out of major surgery as well, and my mom is taking care of him, meaning for the first time in 20 years that might actually be getting closer from something that isn’t hate, meaning they may unite on this.