I've had my diagnosis for 17 years (31 y.o.) and was really looking forward to connecting to people that might face the same pitfalls in daily life. But jfc all I read is just so incredibly negative? It's scaring me away lol. Is this a me problem?
Picked this flair because none of them felt right. Did my best making it into a coherent story but to be honest I just want to write and try getting it out of my system.
I'm 31 now. I was almost 4 when my parents divorced. Lived with mom, saw dad twice a month. My mom worked really hard and did a great job raising us. My mom started dating again and around when I was 8, I met my new stepfather. Mom would go on to have a relationship with him for give/take 20 years. It was nice at first but as time went on my stepfather made it clear that he didn't think of us as a family. My mom and him had an arrangement where she'd pay in full for my brother and I while splitting 50/50 for my much later born sister. Kept seeing my dad all the while obviously but never really much. Started seeing him more after middle school, and ultimately moved in with him for a few years for college. It was a bike ride away from his house so it just made sense. Living with him allowed some catching up on how little I've seen him since then. 3 years into me living there, he had a pretty shitty rebound relationship and made a couple of pretty dogshit decisions. One of them was selling the house to buy something new with her. Bitch announced to me I was to GTFO because the house was on the market and due to be sold in weeks. Completely blindsided me. Brought this up after all that business was over and done. We talked about it and he apologized. I moved on but haven't forgiven him for it yet I think. That relationship capsized and he's moved somewhere else, working his last couple years before retirement. He promised me that after he starts working half weeks we'll see each other way more and will have time to go do stuff again. I'm really looking forward to that.
His father died young, 52 if I remember correctly. After surviving throat cancer he died from a different cancer not long after. My dad's always feared dying young because of it, and I can firmly say it's traumatized him. I'm not sure how much he's talked about it with a professional, but he's given me bits about his fear of death (this was years ago) and not knowing what life would bring now that he's older than his own dad ever had the luxury of experiencing.
Today after a long day me and my partner just went straight to bed. My brain was still very much active and instead of trying to at least rest I scrolled a few reels on Insta. Then one came up with live reactions of kids seeing their dads upon coming back from deployment. My dam just broke. This was an hour ago and I'm just sobbing. So many mixed emotions were just let free. I miss my father. I wish I'd see him more. Last time I went to see him I told him I just wanted to watch tv with a couple drinks like we used to. Because the feeling that gives me does more than anything else I can imagine doing with him. I'll see him again next week, first time in months. We'll go fishing for 2 days. I don't care at all about fishing, I just want to see him do something he enjoys.
I don't understand. I hoped writing it all down would make me feel better but instead I feel worse.
Sorry this is all such a cluttered story. This is the best I could do.
Hey, I wanted to reach out and see if the (only) Higurashi cosplayer I took a picture of on Dokomi is active here. We talked a little about the fandom being dead and the Gou and Sotsu releases.
Added the picture as well. The cosplay was straight fire 🔥