u/Willing_Cheek4048

I have finally escaped. He has moved out, he is getting off the lease today (he has to otherwise the landlord is involving police and that is his greatest fear so I know he will)

I installed a smart deadbolt on my bedroom door.
I am having the same deadbolt installed on both exterior doors.
We have agreed that we will handle this cordially and maturely. I only believe this because I agreed to not involve cops if he leaves me alone and respects my boundaries- and his mom is currently dying of cancer so for him, going to jail is not an option.
I genuinely believe my safety is not at risk, I'm sure a lot of people say that but I have a lot of reasons to believe this. I am also going to be installing a state of the art security system on Friday.
I have a therapist

My question is, what else do I need to do? We are either going to file for an annulment or divorce based on what we can do and we have agreed to be mature about it. I believe he can, however, I have the finances and resources he does not if that ends up being untrue.
What should I be doing as far as self care, safety, moving forward, etc.

He made me throw away all of my clothes, makeup, jewelry, all of my home decor, he made me remove all of my piercings, lashes, he made me remove my extensions, ruin my hair removing the black hair dye. As stupid as it sounds I have spent the day in bed ordering any furniture I want to replace, any decor I want, I am going to order some makeup, maybe some clip in extensions. I am an esthetician so I may order something to dye my hair back to black. I plan on going to a vintage market on Sunday for some self care and to purchase jewelry and anything else I see. I know this is materialistic but it's part of me.

Is there anything you all suggest, no matter how big or small that will help me feel like me again? I ordered all of the bedding I love because my bed used to be my comfy happy sanctuary and he stripped me of that so I'm making my bed my happy place again. It's the smallest things that stripped me of who I am. I want to do my makeup and get dressed cute and go to the market on Sunday.

I have reached out to everyone he made me cut out of my life. Everyone has been extremely supportive. I'm just curious if anyone has any ideas or any suggestions on the little and big things I can do for safety, happiness, feeling like myself again. It doesn't matter how big, little, trivial, life saving, materialistic, everything is welcome.

I need to feel like me again.

This group has been so incredibly helpful and I am so grateful for all of you

I was wondering if anyone in here happened to know of any great divorce attorneys in the Charleston, SC area or surrounding area that would represent me in Charleston.

Abuse has been involved, I have not left yet as I am making the plan to leave as this will be my third and final attempt. This time I made sure to tell my best friend what has been going on so that I hold myself accountable. We rent a home together but do not have any children together.

TIA

After I posted this morning I started making a plan to leave the relationship. I plan on ending it by end of next week. From prior conversations we have had regarding divorce - I do believe he will be willing to leave without any severe reactions. I don't know what will happen as he processes it after the fact, but I am trying to prepare for everything I need to do once I get him out. I will be staying in the home, and I will be making him leave. He cannot afford it, I can, and I have proof against him that I will use if necessary.

The point of this post is everything I need to do the second I get him out. Here's what I have so far, please let me know if you have any other suggestions.
- Change door code to front door
- Cancel all credit cards & order new ones
- Change locks on storage unit
- Let landlord know
- Let my dr know
- Install locks on all doors in home
- Install EXTREME security system on home inside and out including security panel next to bed.

ANY AND ALL suggestions are highly appreciated.

My husband and I met and moved very quickly. We met in January, moved in together immediately. Got married in March and now are renting a home together. The abuse started out very mild and hard to notice. I have never been in an abusive relationship before. He has isolated me from all of my friends and family, because "everyone is toxic". He is constantly saying rude things to me, he has treated me like a walking ATM. He needs something, sends it to me, I must order. His current obsession is a new truck. A $60,000 truck. I had originally agreed to $40k, but now it's "we'll do I not deserve a nice truck? Do you not want to be with me?" As I have been drawing out the money moving.

As for the abuse. There is a lot of all kinds. He has now busted my lip to the point I couldn't leave the house 2 times, given me a black eye, ruptured my eardrum, bruised my face from slapping and backhanding me. He has picked me up by my neck, he's picked me up out of bed when I was sick and thrown me on the ground for not being able to have sex. I am expected to have sex at least 2-3 times a day. If I do it wrong, accidentally hit him with my teeth, go to far before he's completely ready I have been hit for "cuckholding" him. He threatens to "slap me the fck off" over anything. I've been in a chronic illness flare and he called me a lazy piece of shit amongst other things. On our honeymoon he grabbed my face and twisted it. Then ripped me out of bed and dragged me across the room my by neck and threw me against the wall. Then smooshed my face against the wall and threatened to punch the wall in front of my face to "see what he can do to my face". He has told me all the different ways he could kill/have me killed. Then he says that's just hurt talking and he could never do that. He has been willing to leave the 2 times I have mentioned divorce- but then he draws me back in with guilt trips and he IS starting to work on himself and go to a psychiatrist and counselor, he has had a particularly horrible upbringing. The last time he hit me he backhanded me. Slapped me across the face, punched me in the stomach 3 times hard enough to knock the wind out of me, immediately made me stand up and be silent then punched my arms, and hit me in the face at some point because I got a black eye and bruised nose bridge. I also still can't hear out of my ear 3 weeks later and just confirmed my eardrum is busted. Oh and the absolute worst fucking part. I had 6 cats. He dumped them. He let me keep one because she was nice to him too. I cry daily in secret. The cops found out and cited him for 2 of them. I know that at least 4 are safe. I feel physically ill every single day. I should've never let that happen. But I have also had a loaded g*n pointed at my head. I feel so disgusted and distraught and heartbroken. I cry any time I know he won't notice. Before he dumped them he'd constantly talk about putting them in a box and lighting it on fire. Or shooting them. I would be scared I would wake up to one or all being dead. He made me get the one remaining cat declawed. Which I am VERY against morally. I'm trying to take as much care of her as I can as she heals.

The thing is, he states that my actions caused all of this and this isn't who he really is, just him reacting to my actions. I will list what I have done wrong.

- Within the first 2 weeks of dating I told him a man on my Snapchat was a family friend (true) forgot to mention we had hooked up years prior
- Hired my previous boudoir photographer for our wedding (everyone knew this but apparently "not the full extent"
- posed in a sexual way with my longtime hairdresser after we finished my hair for the wedding and were waiting for makeup to arrive. apparently this is cheating.
- was too friendly with his friend while he was helping us move.
- wore a shirt that had a hole in it in front of a different helper/friend but was covering myself the whole time, all 30 seconds I was out there. I threw it on because he screamed at me to get out there and usually if I didn't immediately go, he'd get pissed. This resulted in the eardrum, busted lip, bruised nose and black eye, stomach punches and much more. He said he hit his breaking point and blacked out
- wore sweatpants that were "too slutty" because they were red in front of another man.

Also worth mentioning he had severe mood swings and anger outburst. There have been countless times where he's caused a scene in public, a lot of threats, then I a
the best thing that's ever happened to him and he will die without me and he can't live without me and he wants me to have his babies and make a life with me. I know I sound so stupid but I am so torn. I love him and his mom is about to die and the empathy in me is making it impossible to walk away when he cries to me that if I leave him he will have nobody. But I also have lost myself. I'm never happy anymore, I try NOT to sleep so I can enjoy some time to myself. I look forward to him sleeping or anything because he also decided to take the summer off work and I had to as well as my health is in the dumpster, and he's with me 24/7, constantly going through my phone, I can't vent to anyone, I can't do anything without him watching my every move or accusing me of cheating.

If I can get the courage to leave, I have to be strategic as we live together and he has stated previously he would need a month to find a new place to live. I do hope and pray he can be cordial or try to be mature. If I am able to get the courage, I plan on installing multiple smart locks on the master bedroom door as well as a full blown security system inside the home that multiple trusted friends and family members have access to. I just am so lost. I've gotten the courage up twice now and ended up backing down both times. He's currently on a combo of new meds that are making him groggy but also a little volatile at times. I paid to furnish our new home but we went through his mom as she got a huge discount and I at least am waiting until that is delivered so I can make sure I have that.

I am so lost. I didn't even list every single time he's shoved or kicked or hurt me. He's never going to change, is he?