u/Wise_Fun_

I’ve been having Long Covid with chronic fatigue syndrome for 5 years now and I’ve been having PEM, hypothyroidism, brain fog , fatigue, insomnia , memory problems and typical ME/ cfs symptoms problem with speech as well .

3 years ago I was in the severe category , but by the grace of God I got to the mild category a year ago and I could do things like going out and even dating, I’ve had two girlfriends in a year that unfortunately ended but I could get a glimpse of what life is like.

The problem is, my mother kicked me out in 2022 because she didn’t believe in my illness and I have been living with my father since then. However , my father has seen that physically I changed a lot . I lost a lot of weight compared to when I was severe and he saw me dating girls etc so he’s been thinking im fine again . The problem is , 6 months ago I took a irrational decision and I met a wonderful girl and she wanted me to marry her and I did marry her , I flew to her country the Netherlands ( im from Spain) and married her and lived with her , in her family’s house for 6 months until we divorced last month and I came back to Spain my country .

Since I came back to Spain , I was running on a lot adrenaline and I was suffering and I remember my father has been threatening me to kick me out of his house since months ago as he doesn’t fully believe im sick , so first thing I did was print my CV and go to my nearest supermarket to give it to them . However , it was the biggest mistake of my life and now I’m trapped .

I have been working since August 1 and the shifts have been heavy loaded with carrying 15kg fruit packages , etc standing 8 hours a day and it’s 6 days a week which is literally slowly killing me . My cfs has been progressively getting worse and my brain is deteriorating as well i have a lot of neurological symptoms and heavy PEM that nothing feels real anymore and I feel incredibly sick and isolated .

As I have been recovering from as well the divorce , from being 24/7 with someone who loved me to now alone with this excruciating illness I feel powerless and suicidal . On top of this , whats making me have suicidal thoughts is that on top of feeling isolated , feeling like my brain is altered , and in bad PEM, my father has told me that if I quit the job he will kick me out .

I have begged him crying my tears out , telling him I will get a sitting job or begging him if I can go back to school , he is denying , laughing to my face saying he doesn’t believe and that if I quit he will kick me out . Im at absolute loss on what to do and I don’t deserve to be going through this severe threats and painful disease on top of the isolation.

I need help urgently , i dont know how and when , but my life is going downhill so fast .

ما شاء الله تبارك الله

Regarding Talaq with my now ex wife , first time i said Talaq when in extreme anger and I wasn’t really aware of what I was doing I even intended to throw our ring to the trash, I was furious and uttered vague/weird words. I took her back in immediately and then two weeks later during an argument I sent Talaq but this time I was more aware and yes I intended to say it . Third case was two days ago during an argument well she said something of my dislike and I said very angry” talaq, talaq, talaq “ three times in a row . Islamically speaking , does it count as a real divorce now ?

What happened is , we both regret fighting and I deeply regret sending the Talaq as I was angry and immature on my part and corrected my mistakes . We had many fights recently and I exploded Allah Mustan. I’m currently on my way to my country now after the Talaqs and her father no longer wants me for his daughter although I don’t know if he has any power over this .

For context we deeply love each other , cried a lot after the Talaq and deeply want each other . We both ( me the most) was the most immature of all during fights .

BarakAllahu Feek

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I’m a Muslim convert of 4 years and I have been married with my now wife for 7 months but we have been living together now for one month and a half . I moved in countries for her and I have been living at her parents house for a month and trying to find a job and start from 0 to settle down. It’s been a stressful month as I’m in a new country , living with her family and different culture etc looking for jobs and it’s been hard on us. However , many repeated patterns have happened since then and to be honest I don’t know what to do as it’s becoming too much, here are the lists of patterns/ red flags she has been doing so far :

**Devaluation and emasculation:** Insults about my looks, race (“not white”), manhood (“be a man”), and worth (“not special, many people are reverts “ you look like a woman,” said many times attraction is 0) while I’m 6’2 foot tall and muscular she constantly told me how muscular I am in the beginning (so I know it was deliberate)

**Control and isolation:** Monitors my phone all the time, won’t let me go out alone or use the bike or my car and she even memorised my phone passcode and checked my phone while I was asleep and because of that I had to change passcode multiple times until my phone got erased and I lost everything ..

**Emotional and physical abuse:** Screaming during fights , always blame-shifting, physical aggression (hit me twice including red marks on my arms and also she steps on my foot often intentionally), also silent treatment when angry and she withdrawals when I don’t chase during fights . She can spend all day in her room after a fight and me downstairs for example if I don’t chase her etc

**Attention-seeking behaviour:** This one I would say is the biggest one because it feels like micro cheating . She openly stares at men when we go on outings watches Haaland edits on TikTok and caught her watching handsome tiktokers models etc and she also mentions other potentials she had before me (Norway guy, this kurdish guy that asked her out etc ) and also this one is weird .. her 4 year old nephew was kissing her neck and she said in front of me (“not here that turns me on”) I guess to provoke jealousy from me and get a reaction .

**Entitlement and one-sided effort:** “I deserve to be spoiled,” demands I provide/spoil her while doing nothing, expects rent to parents when I just got here and have no money as I don’t work , and also withholds intimacy many many times while making me chase her all the time to initiate intimacy. I know in islam we are the providers , but she expects me to do all the effort while she does nothing .

**Manipulation:** Religious guilt when we fight she says (“Allah will take the gift away”), meaning she’s my gift, rewriting our marriage history (she asked me first to come to her country and marry her and she then said i did it and she just wanted to help me with Islamic questions as a revert etc ( she literally texted me first to get on a Date and get to know each other and she rushed the marriage telling me to come and fly there )

The marriage was rushed after two dates and Wallah I ignored the red flags due to Islam encouraging to marry and she had very positive traits ( saliha, beauty etc ) Allah Mustan

She also has a lot of positives like she cooks for me every day and makes me coffee , she goes with me to the mosque and if I have to go to the doctor or any appointment she comes with me always and she as well before me moving in , she left everything from her country to be with me but then didn’t workout and I moved in to her country instead . When we have intimacy there’s a lot of love , and she lended money from her mom to get us the rings and the wedding which was very nice . However when she gets angry she completely changes.

Would divorce be encouraged in my case? I swear by Allah I tried to make it work had many patience and trust in Allah but I just think this marriage is not for me after one month .

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I made this post not long ago https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimLounge/s/oLxvFFEg3j about being in an abusive marriage with my now ex wife of 7 months and I finally sent Talaq three times and left the country.

The moment I was with “this is it” is when we were fighting and she said “I’m so happy you want to end this” with a bad face ( she knew I had my flight on Monday and she also when she went on my phone when i was sleeping saw it) and I was like this is it and sent three talaqs and well, then she told her father I’m a monster and painted me as the villian her father proceed to takfir me, scream at me and blame me for everything- following this I couldn’t handle and left.

At the moment I do feel the loss because as bad as she was to me we were married at the end of the day and had intimacy and also good moments specially in the beginning but I’m so relieved at the same time and feel so much peace . One thing to note is that she suddently didn’t seem to care after I sent the talaq because usually she never ever lets me leave etc . Her family were deeply against me as I don’t work etc so it might have influenced her and I’m as well a revert so I don’t know if it has something to do of her not caring but Alhamdulillah it saved me from more drama

Allahu’Allam, I’m just glad it ended .

Asalamu alaykum I’ve made a post earlier https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimLounge/s/30e9cB4z85
about the physical aggression from my wife to me , the devaluation and insults constantly at me and the fact that I’m currently living with her parents under their roof.

Things have escalated a lot and her family is sending me threats and abusing me verbally in the house and I would love to book a flight earlier to my country and send divorce to be safe as I currently feel unsafe here. I have a flight scheduled on Monday but the situation has gotten dangerous and I would like to leave as soon as possible but financially I can’t , for context I’m in the Netherland and my home country is Spain . Her family knows about my Monday flight and they have sent me threats if I plan to divorce her etc and I feel really unsafe Wallah as it’s a syrian family and I’m a Muslim convert from a different culture (European)

BarakAllahu Feek I really need help

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I’m a Muslim convert of 4 years and I have been married with my now wife for 7 months but we have been living together now for one month and a half . I moved in countries for her and I have been living at her parents house for a month and trying to find a job and start from 0 to settle down. It’s been a stressful month as I’m in a new country , living with her family and different culture etc looking for jobs and it’s been hard on us. However , many repeated patterns have happened since then and to be honest I don’t know what to do as it’s becoming too much, here are the lists of patterns/ red flags she has been doing so far :

Devaluation and emasculation: Insults about my looks, race (“not white”), manhood (“be a man”), and worth (“not special, many people are reverts “ you look like a woman,” said many times attraction is 0) while I’m 6’2 foot tall and muscular she constantly told me how muscular I am in the beginning (so I know it was deliberate)

Control and isolation: Monitors my phone all the time, won’t let me go out alone or use the bike or my car and she even memorised my phone passcode and checked my phone while I was asleep and because of that I had to change passcode multiple times until my phone got erased and I lost everything ..

Emotional and physical abuse: Screaming during fights , always blame-shifting, physical aggression (hit me twice including red marks on my arms and also she steps on my foot often intentionally), also silent treatment when angry and she withdrawals when I don’t chase during fights . She can spend all day in her room after a fight and me downstairs for example if I don’t chase her etc

Attention-seeking behaviour: This one I would say is the biggest one because it feels like micro cheating . She openly stares at men when we go on outings watches Haaland edits on TikTok and caught her watching handsome tiktokers models etc and she also mentions other potentials she had before me (Norway guy, this kurdish guy that asked her out etc ) and also this one is weird .. her 4 year old nephew was kissing her neck and she said in front of me (“not here that turns me on”) I guess to provoke jealousy from me and get a reaction .

Entitlement and one-sided effort: “I deserve to be spoiled,” demands I provide/spoil her while doing nothing, expects rent to parents when I just got here and have no money as I don’t work , and also withholds intimacy many many times while making me chase her all the time to initiate intimacy. I know in islam we are the providers , but she expects me to do all the effort while she does nothing .

Manipulation: Religious guilt when we fight she says (“Allah will take the gift away”), meaning she’s my gift, rewriting our marriage history (she asked me first to come to her country and marry her and she then said i did it and she just wanted to help me with Islamic questions as a revert etc ( she literally texted me first to get on a Date and get to know each other and she rushed the marriage telling me to come and fly there )

The marriage was rushed after two dates and Wallah I ignored the red flags due to Islam encouraging to marry and she had very positive traits ( saliha, beauty etc ) Allah Mustan

She also has a lot of positives like she cooks for me every day and makes me coffee , she goes with me to the mosque and if I have to go to the doctor or any appointment she comes with me always and she as well before me moving in , she left everything from her country to be with me but then didn’t workout and I moved in to her country instead . When we have intimacy there’s a lot of love , and she lended money from her mom to get us the rings and the wedding which was very nice . However when she gets angry she completely changes.

Would divorce be encouraged in my case? I swear by Allah I tried to make it work had many patience and trust in Allah but I just think this marriage is not for me after one month .