u/Wonderful_Data_2439

I’ve always been a clean sink, clean floors, no extra stuff on the countertops, dirty clothes in the laundry basket kind of person. My very loving husband is unfortunately the complete opposite. I genuinely think he is just wired differently and doesn’t notice visible mess the way I do.
I like to clean as I go, while he is more of a “I’ll do it later” kind of person. If I have coffee, I’ll either put the mug in the dishwasher or at least put it in the sink. He’ll leave his mug on the dining table because he plans to come back to it later. My socks usually go into the laundry basket as soon as I take them off, while his might stay on the floor for a few hours or even a few days until they eventually make it into the basket. Sometimes I get so tired of looking at them that I just pick them up myself.
I have communicated to him what feels like a thousand times that this affects my mental health. Usually, the response is either “I’ll do it in a bit” or, if I ask multiple times, “I can never do enough for you.”
It’s not that he doesn’t clean at all. He does. But honestly, it is never enough for me. I find myself constantly having to delegate, remind him, or redo things he has done because they weren’t done the way I would have done them. I know that isn’t a healthy dynamic either, so I have basically given up on asking him to do things the way I want them done.
What I’m realizing is that I need to focus on what is actually within my control, which is how I react to the mess.
Because lately, it feels like seeing a dirty dish or a dirty sock on the floor can completely ruin my mood. I can go from being completely fine to incredibly irritated and angry just because I see something out of place. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I just want to completely dissociate from everything and not deal with anyone or anything.
I don’t want to live like this.
I also don’t want to spend my life trying to get my husband to see mess the way I do. I know I can’t control how he is wired or what his natural threshold for mess is. At the same time, I don’t want to pretend that the mess doesn’t bother me because it genuinely does.
So I want to work on myself and figure out how to get to a point where I can see a sock on the floor and not immediately feel angry or overwhelmed. I want to be able to let some things go without feeling like I have to clean them immediately just so I can feel okay.
For those of you who are naturally very clean and tidy and live with someone who is much more of a “I’ll do it later” person, how did you learn to stop letting the mess affect your mood so much?
I’m specifically looking for advice on changing my own reaction to the mess, because that is the part I actually have control over.

Posting this here as anything I could find was years old and I am surprised there’s not more info about it on the internet. I got diagnosed with PUPPP at 38 weeks (currently 38+4) and it started out as just red stretch marks on the center of my belly. I thought new stretch marks coming in which is why they are itchy but oh I was so wrong. I complained about the itchyness to my OB and he mentioned PUPPPs, took one look and said yup thats it and from that day it has only gotten worse. The only thing that brings me some relief are icepacks which I can only put on for so long. I woke up at 1.30 am in deep sleep just to itch a little and that turned into me scratching my entire belly like a freaking monkey going crazy. I got an icepack which helped but made my baby move like crazy where he was punching my bladder and kicking my ribs the entire time I had it on.

My biggest fear is it spreading which it is starting to. I got stretch marks on my sides initially and they weren’t itchy or painful at all but now i can see the little bumps making their way in there too. My OB just said they cant really help just apply oil/moisturizer or hydrocortisone otc cream. My only hope was they go away asap after deliver I read some posts saying they got them postpartum?? Is anyone else going through them or has any experience with these awful rashes? Georgia heat and humidity is already driving me crazy and now this rash has taken it to another level.

I (25F) moved to the US when I was 18 for college. I married two years ago and expecting my first baby next month. I have had this realization that I am slowly turning into my mom. I have no hobbies, dont feel like meeting my friends, and all I do is work, clean, eat sleep and repeat. I absolutely love my husband and he is definitely a gem compared to most Pakistani husbands but recently I have started getting resentful towards him for not helping out more even if I have asked him cause he is either too tired or forgets. So much so that at this point I have just stopped asking him to help and just do whatever I can by myself at eight months pregnant. If he offers help, I only ask for help with the physical stuff I cant do myself. Both him and my mom tell me to not over work or get too tired (don’t bend, don’t pick up stuff from floor, etc etc) but I am like if I dont who will? It wont magically happen and get done.

I realized today how I was exactly like him when I used to live in Pakistan where my mom would ask for help from me and my sibling or expect certain things to be done but we just ignored her and said “chorain na mama kon dekh rha hai” “acha na ker rhe hain” or something similar until she would do it herself and then we would be like “uth rhe the main abhi”. We would also say ke mama kyun ker rhi hain ap thak jayengi instead of offering her help so she could get it done sooner. We would be on our phones while she cleans or organizes and now that my husband does it I just cant help but think is this a punishment from Allah where I am experiencing the same stuff that I did to my mom.

I wish I was more appreciative of all that my mom did and helped her out more. I wish I put my clothes in the closet before she did it herself. I wish I washed the dishes in the sink before she had to get up from the bed to do them. All the little things that I ignored because mama kerdenge, I wish I took accountability and did them myself. My older sister who still lives with my mom is still the same way and my mom is so used to the mental load that she has carried her entire life she cant give up. Which is what I am scared of, to be so used this that this ends up consuming me and when I grow old and look back I realize I never did anything for just myself.

Idk if this is the pregnancy hormones or just a very normal emotion but I desperately miss my mom while is about 7000 miles away from me with no visa and hence no plans on being able to meet me and my baby. It doesn’t help that she is alone and wants to meet me and the baby so bad. I was registering for my baby shower and it asked for who’s hosting and I realized for most people it’s their moms or sisters organizing their baby showers. I have friends here but its just so hard to do this without my mom