u/Workbenched

Pasta with sauce and garlic, nothing else because I can't afford it. I preferred to spend this month's money on alcohol.

I (18M, trans) have a court term in a few days to change my sex and name on all documents.

​I am going to start university this month too, therefore I asked the council specifically to do it as a cis man. They agreed, because I sent them a 3 page letter, photos from the law files and on stating that I am going to change my sex and name.

At the same time, right after the term I will have total hysto and get a job, both influenced by this.

I've been out of job since March, when, before a surgery I had to do (which required 2mo leave), I fucked up a food order as a courier and the client ended up reporting me to live chat (told me) for using someone else's account (a woman's) to do orders. Nothing happened to me, but that day was the day I realised I can't do it any further and I had to sit through call center explaining the restaurant had bad packaging and having to show him my id and more proof of identity.

I applied for jobs a lot before it too. Whenever the caller would hear my 80Hz voice reply to "Ms [deadname]?", I would get a "sorry. This offer is not available anymore." I have a CV with barely any experience, and having to out myself guaranteed I will never get more.​

At the same time, I will live in dorms with men. I look like a man, act, and sound like one. The council decided to allow me to be in dorms with guys, and not out me. That also fails if the court takes too long to write the decision, the decision takes too long to become final (30d) and then takes too long to print. The printing part is the worst. The current timeline for the printing part is 2d-3mo. And that's if they do not ask for a second term.

In 5 days, I have the court term where that will be decided too. If the decision gets delayed, I will be out of job for too long to sustain myself. If the paperwork takes too long to produce (fuck Romania), I will not be able to be stealth at all at university.

I've been doing everything: reading the constitution, discussing with gpt since I got NO ONE who has done this in Romania what the judge might ask, finding a fancy suit to dress well, sorting my docs into chapters like the electronic file, yet still it feels like not enough.

There is no joy in my life anymore. It's only that day, which is rapidly approaching.​ For the first time in a year I have suicidal thoughts. I've been drinking daily, binging, and letting my current rent turn into a mess. There is no joy in my life at all anymore. I can't find the energy to take my pills, and supplements, to workout, to move on if this fails.

If the university/dorms has/have to out me, I will be forced to drop out. I've seen what they called me in highschool, and the uni I am at is more hands on than theoretical/scientific, which means kids from rural areas (conservatives) come to study here. Romanian conservatives can be far more violent than MAGAs, especially in this area.

If the surgeon refuses to do hysto​ until the decision settles, I will have to live for at least a few months with excruciating pain daily in my abdominal area.

If the decision is negative or gets delayed too much, I will be jobless, homeless and then eventually back in foster care assistance, which I would rather die than taste again.

And the worst part is that a corrupt judge (my city is a shithole) with a salary monthly bigger than the entire fund for my transition gets to decide for me if I am man enough to live the next 4 years.

Man this life sucks. Sad I will never get to have a chance at it.

Please advise me if you want. No transphobia, and no bullshit positivity, just actions I can do to improve my odds, or stop feeling as if in 5 days my life will change forever for the worse.

>be me

>go to therapy (just to get free total hysto)

>talk to therapist, tell her I'm a tranny

>tell her how much my grandma has abused me

>keep referring to it once a while since it has broken me

>"uh anon, have you thought that you want to be a man because you want to spite your grandma?"

>tell her I don't want to be a man, but am a man

>she tells me "oh sorry, your identification as a man is true"

>this bitch is doing everything in her power to not call me a man

Total fucking therapist death, and this lady worked in non profit organisations​

Sorry for posting again, but I have acquired money

I've been on testosterone for around 1y and 5mo (18). Content with my progress so far, but disappointed with my chin as it appears small. Wanted to ask if I'd be better off investing in my jawline or my chin.

On the other hand, I'd like tips that could improve these areas. The only things my friends view as clocky about me are my torso (on it. Gym), eyebrows (i think these are the reason why I want a browbone surgery as well lol, but​ topical minox barely helped, so I'm switching to oral this month) and chin.

Thank you guys, have a nice days