u/Worldly_Nobody_2088

So in East London we used to do a short drive to barking station and then a nice peaceful overground £18 return train journey to Southend or Westcliff for the beach, esp if travelling with an older parent who has a bit of arthritis it was nice and easy.

I was wondering if there was any such easy drive+train combo for Leicester and the beach? I understand it'd be a tad longer. Moved here two years ago, bit bored of Rutland Water during heatwaves now, I want to try going to a proper beach?

I've been a dentist for 8 years but suffer from imposter syndrome when it comes to treating family.

I also have a complicated relationship with my family after I didn't accept a forced marriage three years ago and had to move out, my family criticized me and put me down at everything.

My mum now has toothache and her upper crowns have fallen out. We've had a corporate take over so I don't even feel comfortable booking family in right now because the new rules are all over the place.

Should I still push and get her booked in? As a compromise I asked her to come register herself and then we can get her in but she hasn't come. She does do a LOT for me physically helpful sends me cooking etc. she just is horrible with her words and told me many times to stop working. I work part time because of it to make my family happy which has led to problems with bills etc

I struggle to even put it into words

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After I left my marriage when he threatened to kill our child my family pressured me to go back to him. He had previously punched and strangled me and hit our baby from when he was1.5 years so I took it seriously when he threatened that.

My family have been cruel to me since day 1 is separation, saying I cannot move out of their house would be unthinkable but

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They

- denied the abuse in my marriage (despite me telling my mum about it as it was happening over the years, she "forgot" and very much denied I'd told her)

• said this abuse they denied was also my fault and they would also choke me if they were him

- repeatedly sat me down and pressured me to go back

- told me I was sinful for leaving and upsetting my violent husband

- told me repeatedly I was a bad mother to my son and was ruining his future and his life (I have always gone above and beyond for my son, working part time making sure he's in private Islamic school, making sure he has after school extra curriculars so less screen time. He knew qaidah and the English alphabet at age 2 because I'd always be teaching him. )

- allowed my disabled drug addicted brother to hit me and my son and then lied about it when I went to relatives for help

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The worst part is my mother also went to everyone in our previously shared community and proactively badmouthed me to them. She said I was ill and hallucinating all the abuse.

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Because I'd had quite a happy childhood before marriage, I was 27 and had never dated. I entered an arranged marriage to my cousin who needed a passport thinking I was doing a good act. I had no self worth left after a really hard dental degree that didn't suit me on the advice of my brother. My university had expressed concerns that my family was forcing me to do the degree but I ignored it and persevered to please them. I barely work in the field now. I am also dark skinned for an Asian, raised in a very backwards South Asian community who told me it made me have low value in the marriage market. People ask me why I was so stupid to accept an arranged marriage to a man with no degree when I was a dentist and aalima, but due to the above I had low self esteem and accepted any rishta that came my way.

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Anyway when I came back the betrayal of my family and the isolation of the community due to my mother's and ex's badmouthing to them was too much. I moved out and got evicted. Not a single one of my 200 relatives offered me and my son a place to stay - even though there were many rooms. I will always remember this. I would have housed any one of them in the same situation. If I didn't have a child and need support I would have moved far away. For three years since I left the abuse has continued. My mother gets passive income and sends it all to my brothers while I am in the homeless system, some aunts persuaded her to help me too and she uses every excuse to not give the money 'oh you bought soap I'll cut that off' or using my card to buy 3kg meat every week and then cooking it at mine then taking it to her other children's houses. She doesn't do the same to my brothers.

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Anyway I'm really depressed with the constant insults. I can't believe everyone trusts my mother I've seen the true side of her now. My brothers have always been a bit dodgy - either unemployed, drug addicted, or immoral depending on the brother. But my mother and community I gave my life to before marriage. I gave almost my full paycheck to my family every month despite my brother being a doctor and not doing the same. I took time off during uni and a levels to look after her when she was ill. I'd constantly cook for her, her guests (she had over 3+ times a week), for my brothers who never cooked. I enjoyed all of the guests. Now I feel bad who will look after her in old age. As I am too ill now some days I can't even walk, and my brothers will never look after her despite her putting all her income and life into them now. Even now when mum went eye hospital it was me who took work off and not him, despite me really needing the work and him being very comfortable almost rent free at parents house.

I now pay all the bills at my council temporary accomodation but they come and live with me four days a week "to help with my son". So now they treat me like this in my own house that I pay the bills for - what was the point of all the years of leaving?

Last Wednesday my brother even kicked my son, he went into the gap between the bed and the wall. My mother confirmed it happened. I said if it happens again my brother will have to move out. My brother started swearing at me so much and calling me btch, cnt words I don't even say he called me and my son was screaming. What am I supposed to do?

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I've recently realized that the gold my parents gave me as a child is more valuable than I realized. My aunts and relatives have also given me quite a lot. Ive always kept it safe, it's the one thing I don't lose.

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I'm just worried now with the economy being what it is. I used to store it at my parents' house (I have cleaners etc coming to mine and they have more cameras) but I'm worried about their guests too now.

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What's the best way to store it? And if this is basically a tax free wealth/investment that is increasing in value, why are more people not using it? The only reason I don't buy more for myself is because I'm worried it'll get lost/stolen (and also I struggle with spending on nice things on myself in general).

Mods sorry if this breaks the rules I can take it down.

I sometimes get pressure from my family not to work. It comes and goes. I think one part of it is they want to see me married off to a random third cousin who needs a passport and claims to be in love with me. But luckily I have my own place and so I don't need to worry about marital pressure and can now choose my own. I think another part is I am potentially the most successful in my family despite being the only daughter, and they don't like that. It's taken some therapy to get to where I am and be able to work and spend money without guilt. FWIW my dad's super proud of me thank god but he lives far away in retirement now and the rest of the family have shown their true colours about my career (I'm a dentist).

I'm just thinking, I don't think I'm earning to my full potential. We can often lose our license to work if a patient doesn't like us, as the General Dental Council is strict on dentists and easy on patients. It's happened to a couple of people I know who made very minor mistakes and are generally good dentists. I think I need to grind hard for a bit while the going is good, and set up my retirement and assets properly.

I need a good reputable work coach, preferably someone who understands and works with South Asian women and ideally healthcare professionals although that's not a must. I don't trust going off of Instagram alone, as I tried a woman who initially presented very well, but actually had awful mental health issues and is now trying to coach and she's just giving me and them bad advice and using us as her therapy.

I posted earlier when I had a cancellation and a free weekend after two months, wondering where to find more friends who can travel or afford what I now can. (I have plenty of friends who can't afford it and don't like too many handouts... social mobility due to a suddenly high income is an interesting thing).

I got lots of lovely suggestions from here and realized I don't even have time for all this! Regardless that post motivated me to *make* time and I'm going on my first social with other female dentists that was posted on Eventbrite. I don't know them, not even the organiser, but putting myself out there. Please wish me luck