u/Worried_Creme190

My guru gave me a general Shakti mantra to chant along with telling me to offer meat to Kateriamman. I was doing vamachara worship as I was told. I was doing japa and worship for a few months and I did a yajna for Kateriamman, which was devotional, looking bad it was missing a few steps but i did it to invoke Kateriamman into my Trishul. I've been giving her meat and all, but I didn't receive any kavacham or purification mantra from my guru, thus all I do is I purify my room with incense smoke, with water combined with gayatru mantra at the entrance of my room, in my whole room and then altar, I also purify the food with water combined with mantras, such as Nama mantras, and her main mantra and end with a mantra of her naivedyam samarpayami. But I've experienced possessions, and when I did cleansings with lemon once, it actually worked. But ever since I started this path, my mother has been having so much bad luck, her foot and legs have been hurting so much, she has gotten minor fevers, troubles with her work assignments, and overall lack of motivation, sleeping problems, waking at random hours, and all but I've tried to help her with cleansings Also, a during this period, a picture frame of our whole family fell and broke at the edge, my sister's Venkateshswara poster fell by itself, my mother's beloved pendent fell from inside her drawer onto the ground. I've stopped doing meat offerings after my parents found out I was and told me to do visarjan of my Kateriamman trishul and so I did. But that same night, my mother dreamt of random dogs coming into our home and pooping everywhere and rolling in that poop. And also she woke up in the middle of the night and dreamt of robbers entering her room in the dark whilst she was awake. I also chatted with a siddha, who told me that I had invited Yakshinis and negative entities into my home and that my mother was suffering Mostly, but that due to my giving others advice on tantra(I gave some people generic Sadhanas), I had taken negativity upon myself, and also that the visarjan did no help since the energy is still here. What should I do?

For context I am 15 years old and was initiated by my Nana(maternal grandfather) into Kateriamman tantra.

I had set up a Goddess in my room and had been worshipping Her for a while. I was doing Her mantra japa and offering Her meat as my guru had instructed. I have diksha and shaktipatha, and after a few months of practice, I started noticing signs, experiences of possession, and a growing steadiness during my mantra japa.

Then one day my parents found out I was offering meat to Her. They got really angry and told me to immerse the idol, get rid of my malas, and stop everything related to Her worship. They said if they even heard me chanting Her name again, they would throw me out of the house.

They believe this kind of worship attracts spirits and demons, brings generational karma, and can lead to accidents, bad luck, illness, and even death. They also told me that the Goddess would eventually demand meat, blood, and flesh from me personally—including my own—and even sex, and that continuing this path could lead to possession and me harming my sister.

I don’t believe any of that. From my experience, Kateriamman has protected me and my family many times, even if my parents don’t see it that way. At the same time, when they fall sick or face problems, they sometimes ask me to pray to Her to help them. But afterward, they also mock Her, and I end up asking Her to forgive them.

This whole situation has left me feeling really broken and confused about what to do with my life. I’ve felt empty, even though I still feel like the Goddess has been trying to comfort me.

I had also made vows to Her, but because of my family situation, I had to let them go. In a moment of panic and fear, I said I was ending everything related to Kateriamman and Her worship just to keep my family safe. I now regret saying that and feel like I’ve lost the Goddess, along with all the things I used for worship.

I pushed through fear, desire, anger, and ego to keep up my sadhana, and it really hurts to feel like everything has suddenly been taken away. I don’t know how I’m supposed to continue spiritually without my shrine, malas, vows, or the ability to practice openly.

Right now I’m just trying to figure out what I should do next—both spiritually and in my personal life—without putting myself or my family in danger.

What should I do