u/Wrong-Butterfly-2433

Some background info my partner was 17 when he had a baby with a 17 year old girl . My partner is now 28 years old . They split after a year as it was a toxic relationship. Abuse was involved . I have been with my partner since the child was 2 years old , the child is 9 now. Will be 10 soon.

In the last 8 years my partner has suffered multiple false allegations from the mother of his child that he was never convicted for due to lack of evidence every time . She also has taken him to family court for multiple things domestic violence , removal of access to, removal of guardianship , maintenance ( which he always paid she just always wanted more ) etc . None of these were ever granted to her but at the same time she never gets in any sort of trouble or even receives warnings for doing this . We are 8 years together in which he never ever contacts her and is rather damaged from that relationship and just wants to see his son without risk of allegations . She has continued to stop access , to the pool I’d say my partner has seen his son for 3-4 years of his life broken up . She got him arrested and held in a cell 3 times and made go to a criminal court hearing and he was not guilty everytime ( she said he made a gun gesture out the window of his car to her and said I’m going to kill you , stated this was near a shop close to her home , he had proof to be working in another county at this time and date ) . However nothing is ever done to her she’s let away with every single thing ? It’s gone so bad his child is making allegations against him and child services got involved . That case was closed also . The child is apparently jealous of mine and his fathers relationship. I’ve been with my partner every day for 7 years we live together . I can’t possible vanish every time she decides to give access for a couple of months and then stops due to an allegation . My partner no longer feels safe .

The worst part of all is she constantly says “ daddy who “ , you’re not on the birth certificate. She also cheated during the relationship but my partner isint sure of the timeline . She stated she didn’t want him on the birth cert as she couldn’t claim state money for single parent . So he did it stupidly as a 17 year old as he didn’t want to deny her of extra income . However he’s thinking maybe the child isint his and she did cheat , and also overthinking the birth cert thing . I told him she’s playing mind games . But my partner can’t stop thinking about if someone could be capable of putting someone through a court battle lasting 8 years and all he wants is to see his son ? Could someone do this to someone they know is not the father ? If so WHY ON EARTH how could someone be so evil !

So basically I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 7 years . We are happy and in recent months have had a very active and positive sex life . He tells me I’m beautiful and amazing and sincerely acts like I’m everything he wants in this world. He also says although he can appreciate beauty nobody is the same as me to him and I’m all he needs.

He’s very good to me and gives me everything I want and need from a partner . The only issue is around 2 years ago I was suspicious around some behaviours that made me think he was masterbating behind my back. I noticed when I wasn’t home and came back he had always been using google chrome incognito and never having history on this app at all . He allows me on his phone and I regularly use safari and he never deletes his searches from here .

This caused a huge fight one day because he was like I thought you trusted me , we’ve been through this before. He cried and seemed very upset about me thinking this of him . He said he could be using it for many other things that he doesn’t want me to see that is not along those lines at all . I feel this is genuine bullshit . I don’t know why I feel this as he’s never ever gave me a reason to suspect anything . But eventually he just deleted the app because he was like seriously I’m not dealing with this .

Fast forward to last night he goes in to have a shower and do a medical procedure he has to do in a bathroom once a week. I hear YouTube , I hear him answering voice messages from friends etc . It went quiet when he was in the shower and he wasn’t listening to anything . When he got out of the bathroom and went downstairs I checked and the last app he had opened was google chrome back on his phone .

I appeared upset but wouldn’t tell him what’s wrong and said I had a headache but he was like I know somethings up . A few mins later I checked again when he left the room and boom the app is deleted . Which shows me he knows that’s what bothers me even if I didn’t say it . He knew to delete it !?

I’m afraid he is lying to me about it when I would just ask for honesty and promised not to judge or try to control him . But he always always replied “ I haven’t done that in years , why would I need to ? , I can’t believe after all of these years and me never ever giving you a reason to think so vulgar of me , you still think these weird vile things of me “ . I am aware I’m so so weird for being anxious over this but I can’t help it . I hate that he acts like he hates porn and feels terrible for the girls involved and lies and says I’m his type when he’s probably on there looking at god knows what . I understand years ago when our sex life was bad but it’s amazing now so why ? I’ve never actually had any proof never saw anything never found evidence.

I just want to know what could be the reason for downloading and deleting this one app all of the time and never having history on it . I’m trying to tell myself he’s planning an engagement as we’ve talked about it and he always says I can’t get anything past you , you do be on my phone , he could just delete the search on safari ? But because of the triggers from 2 years ago it’s hard for me to believe it’s engagement or something good . I hate that he never gives me a reason to think like this but I do .

So my partner was 17 when he had a baby with his ex partner who was also 17 at the time they split up a year after the baby was born it was very toxic and abusive relationship on her part. It took him a long time to recover from the anxiety he experienced during this relationship and he’s finally doing amazing !

She is one of these mothers that continuously takes the child off my partner , I’d say in the child’s 9 years of living my partners missed about 5 of those years. He has been in a constant custody battle with her . The court makes her hand the child over but it’s only a matter of months before she calls child services and gets my partner arrested under false allegations . The child then began to make the allegations and we haven’t seen him since . My partners in the process of getting a section 32 done as this is what usually helps in Ireland if a child is being alienated from the other parent.

The child protection case was closed to due no evidence of abuse towards the child . We only took him for 6 hours a week and she tried to say his mental health is ruined over us as he’s scared to be here etc . I agree the child’s mental health is bad for a 9 year old he says and does horrendous things , lies , schemes it’s crazy for a child of that age . However I think this is down to his other brainwashing him against us the last 7+ years . I have been with my partner 7 years ! This is still going on nothing changes , she shows up with no legal representation and my partner pays through his teeth for his and gets nowhere ? That’s Ireland for you though !

He is an excellent father when he’s allowed to actually be one. Unfortunately family courts eat up her “ struggling single mother story “ and all she seems to get is a slap on the wrist when she’s clearly just trying to create drama and has no evidence or basis for anything she says.

Anyways the part I need advice on is basically after September this year I will be coming off birth control . We’re not planning anything we’re seeing how it goes and if it happens we wouldn’t be sad or angry about it ! I’m 26 and I’m ready to move on and we were always stuck because of this other situation . However im afraid if I get pregnant the child is going to hate the baby , because of her saying and doing things like always . I’m afraid he will make allegations up about my child in the future possibly saying my child hurt him etc . If he’s able to do it to his dad he will do it to a sibling or even me eventually ?

I’m also afraid of her just being so jealous she will create more drama and my partner said if this is the case he will walk away from his son until he’s 18 because he’s spent 9 years doing this and he will not let it impact his other children if and when we have them.

Any advice would be helpful.😅