u/XdinaryGaon26

⚠️BIG TW: BMI, calories (all for medical purposes)

I really need to start eating more because if I don‘t I feel like my body will give up on me soon.
For the past few months I‘ve been gradually decreasing my calories and since like 2 and a half months I‘m only eating 250-300 calories a day.
And right now my intake is probably at 220-230.
My BMI is 14.3- 14.6.
The only food/caloric drinks I eat/drink are vergetables, egg whites, sometimes a bit tofu, very rarely fruit, sugar free gums and lolipops, almond milk, matcha.
I want to start be gradually increasing my calories by 50-100 a day by firstly eating some more protein like joghurt and tofu.
Is this a safe option? I‘m really scared.
And I know this question is going to be asked: no I can‘t go to the hospital for medical supervision.

I always tell myself „Today I don‘t have the strenght for recovery, I‘ll just start tomorrow“ and I‘ve been telling myself this for MONTHS😭Like who am I fooling?
But how do I get out of this circle?
I‘m so extremely week on many days I can‘t even get out of bed. My body has given up many of its functions.
It‘s very crucial that I start now I don‘t wanna die but I keep procrastinating and making excuses

Please help me I‘m literally desperate I don‘t wanna die.
The last couple months I‘ve relapsed really bad and drastically reduced my calorie intake.
My hormone levels are non existent, I‘ve been diagnosed with osteopenia last week, my blood test never were so bad like they are right now and my thyroid is about to fail. Also, I lost my ability to poo and have to do an enema once a week, even though that doesn‘t even really work anymore. My heart is in constant pain and it‘s hard to breath.
I feel so weak that I can‘t even get out of bed forget attending school.
I don‘t know how long my body can take this anymore.
Please help me I‘m only 18 I don‘t want my life to be already over but I don‘t have any strenght left to „really“ recover.
How can I do damage control? Please help me to survive.
(Sorry for bad english it‘s not my native language)

So I‘m actively struggeling with different eating disorders since 2 and a half years, I mean my body imagine was always fucked and I always felt fat but I wasn‘t engaging in any behaviours that impacted my life to this extent.
The weird thing is, I don‘t really remember what my life was like before this shitshow started (I was 16, now 18)
Right now I‘ve deeply relapsed into anorexia: I‘m counting cals the whole day, waiting desperately for my next meal, dizzy and weak all the time, watching food videos… you already know💀My pre ed self seems like a stranger to me.
What the hell was I doing before my mind and day was consumed by food? What do „normal“ people do?
(Sorry for bad english)