u/YamPersonal3618

RIKER: Well, well. We don’t get too many green goddesses aboard the Enterprise. You must be new in this quadrant.
GAMORA: And you must be the reason everyone else avoids this quadrant.
RIKER: I assure you, I’m much more charming after a second drink.
GAMORA: That’s not a selling point, that’s a warning label.
RIKER: You know, I’ve negotiated peace with Romulans, defused plasma bombs, and even resisted Q.
GAMORA: And yet on some level your sense of manliness depends more on this challenge.
GUINAN: He’s like that. Thinks flirting is a diplomatic maneuver.
RIKER: Hey, diplomacy is about mutual benefit.
GAMORA: Where I’m from, we don’t flirt. We spar.
RIKER: I can adapt. You like Bat’leths or candlelight?
GAMORA: I like silence. You could try that.
GUINAN: She means it, Will. I haven’t heard about that much disinterest since Geordi had to listen to Data’s kiddilee joke.
RIKER: So… no chance we share a bottle of Chateau Picard and talk about the stars?
GAMORA: I am looking at one right now. It’s collapsing under its own ego.
GUINAN: Will, you might consider a tactical retreat before the supernova. 
RIKER: Fine, fine. I’ll beam out. Just wanted to make a friend. (Leaves)
GAMORA: He can make one out of his reflection. It seems to love him back.
GUINAN: He’s a jazz musician, honey. Every woman’s an improvisation.

GAMORA: I call it playing the same note on the guitar until someone smashes it into the amp.

ARCHIE: Aw, for cryin’ out loud! Who parks a tank in the middle o’ the street? (Wilson Fisk steps out, stoic.)
ARCHIE: Oh great, Andre the Giant in a tie. Hey pal, learn how to use your rearview mirror, huh? You people think you own the road!
KINGPIN: You might want to watch your tone, Mr.?
ARCHIE: Bunker. And you might wanna watch your waistline! Look at this thing, it’s longer than the Dodgers’ losing streak! 
KINGPIN: That car costs more than your home.
ARCHIE: Now you wait just a second! Nobody insults my house but me!
KINGPIN: I address disrespect when I encounter it.
ARCHIE: Oh, terrific. The attitude police. What are ya, one of them woke social workers?
KINGPIN: Mr. Bunker... I built an empire out of discipline. You live in a world of imagined grievances. You shout because you’ve never truly been heard*.*
ARCHIE: Yeah, well, I built my family outta…I built my chair outta…well, I sit in my chair!
KINGPIN: Truly, an inspiration.
ARCHIE: Don’t you start with your sarcasm, pal! You think you’re tough ‘cause you wear fancy clothes and talk pretty? I seen your type!
KINGPIN: I am my type. There’s only one. You could have simply apologized.
ARCHIE: Apologize? To you*?* You park like a dictator and expect me to grovel? Forget it! I pay taxes!
KINGPIN: And yet the city still looks like this. How unfortunate.
ARCHIE: You think talkin’ smooth makes ya smart? You’re just another big shot scarin’ people with your money!
KINGPIN: I don’t scare people, Mr. Bunker. I own them.
ARCHIE: Yeah, well, you don’t own me, pal! I ain’t afraid of some big bald guy in a soup suit!
KINGPIN: Your candor is really something. But it doesn’t fix bumpers.
ARCHIE: Oh, I’ll fix your (He never finishes. Kingpin’s hand grips Archie’s shoulder, like a vice. Archie winces, still trying to talk tough. Kingpin releases him. He smooths his cuff.)
KINGPIN: Take care of yourself, Mr. Bunker. Accidents have a way of finding people who don’t learn from the first one. (Archie looks down, realizes the Kingpin left a business card: “Wilson Fisk, Consultant.”)
ARCHIE: Yeah. Consultant my ass... probably sells fear door-to-door encyclopedias
(He gets in his car. It stalls immediately).

Catwoman: (Gotham Police Roof) You know, for a man who fights eggheads and deluded pharaohs, you kiss surprisingly well. (A loud dramatic orchestra plays from nowhere. Startled, they separate)
Batgirl: Did you hear music?
Catwoman: Music always follows me. Last week I robbed a museum and a tuba played.
(Commissioner Gordon pushes the roof door open.)
Commissioner Gordon: Batgirl! Thank heavens! Please come down to my office. And Catwoman - What are you doing here?!
Batgirl: I asked her to be here…I thought I could learn from her whip and grapple technique.
Gordon: Okay, then. Batman always says preparation comes first.
Gordon: (in his office) The Riddler has stolen the city’s supply of dehydrated soup concentrate!
Batgirl: Good lord. Why does Gotham have an emergency soup reserve?
Gordon: There was a soup shortage in 1958.
Batgirl: What happened?
Gordon: There was rioting. We don’t talk about it. Anyway, the Riddler has hidden it in a giant question mark-shaped warehouse!
Catwoman: How do you know it’s question mark-shaped?
Gordon: The blueprints were sent to the city for approval.
Catwoman: And no one thought to stop a criminal from building a giant themed warehouse?
Gordon: Chief O’Hara went. Someone told him it was a literacy charity. 
Catwoman: Gotham deserves every single thing that happens to it. 
(Batgirl and Catwoman leave)
Catwoman: How are you planning on stopping the Riddler?
Batgirl: My utility belt has Bat-Soup-Rehydration and Dehydration Tablets.
Catwoman: Of course it does.
Batgirl: Right next to the Bat-Anti-Riddle Spray.
Catwoman: Batman’s belt has all this too?
Batgirl: Batman once carried shark repellent in the Batcopter. A fortune teller told him that sharknados were a thing.

Catwoman: I should commit more normal crimes.

https://preview.redd.it/at0xld34zxzg1.jpg?width=657&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16f00aa1ef935d8f0e1f56f12ca9cb1025846a45

Catwoman: (Gotham Police Roof) You know, for a man who fights eggheads and deluded pharaohs, you kiss surprisingly well.

(A loud dramatic orchestra plays from nowhere. Startled, they separate)

Batgirl: Did you hear music?

Catwoman: In Gotham? Always. Last week I robbed a museum and a tuba played.

(The door bursts open. Commissioner Gordon rushes in, panicked.)

Commissioner Gordon: Batgirl! Thank heavens! Please come down to my office. And Catwoman - What are you doing here?!

Batgirl: I asked her to be here…I thought I could from her whip and grapple technique.

Gordon: Okay, then. Batman always says preparation comes first.

Gordon: (in his office) The Riddler has stolen the city’s supply of dehydrated soup concentrate!

Batgirl: Good lord. Why does Gotham have an emergency soup reserve?

Gordon: There was a soup shortage in 1958.

Batgirl: What happened?

Gordon: There was rioting. We don’t talk about it. Anyway, the Riddler has hidden it in a giant question mark-shaped warehouse!

Catwoman: How do you know it’s question mark-shaped?

Gordon: The blueprints were sent to the city for approval.

Batgirl: And no one thought to stop a criminal from building a giant themed warehouse?

Gordon: Chief O’Hara went. Someone told him it was a literacy charity. 

Catwoman: Gotham deserves every single thing that happens to it.

(Batgirl leaves)

Catwoman: How are you planning on stopping the Riddler?

Batgirl: My utility belt has Bat-Soup-Rehydration and Dehydration Tablets.

Catwoman: Of course it does.

Batgirl: Right next to the Bat-Anti-Riddle Spray.

Catwoman: Batman’s belt has all this too?

Batgirl: Batman once carried shark repellent in the Batcopter. A fortune teller told him that sharknados were a thing.

Catwoman: I should commit more normal crimes.

https://preview.redd.it/iuz4a3uoyxzg1.jpg?width=657&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c7bbebb148d92e57bf3bc6d79cd73ecd5b23d111

KID: Okay, just one cookie. (Loud creak from the floorboard. SMOKE BOMB. When it clears, FIREFLY is there.)
FIREFLY: You made a loud creak and stood out like a sore thumb in white pajamas. If this were a real operation, you’d be grounded.
KID: Who are you?
FIREFLY: I’m the guy who was here before you, and will be gone before anyone believes you. (Places device on jar lid).
KID: Did you just booby trap the cookies?
FIREFLY: Professional habit when it comes to high value targets. Here are some rules for future stealth acquisition. Rule 1 - never let others know your target. You walked in like you wanted a cookie.
KID: I do want a cookie.
FIREFLY: I know. I respect the objective. But your approach is compromised.  They catch you if you broadcast your target. Rule 2 - Know where to step. Old houses talk. This floorboard screams.
KID: I should have known. It always does that.
FIREFLY: Rule 3 - Always know who can see you.  
KID: Can Mom see me?
FIREFLY: Your mother has line of sight from the hallway mirror. She’s good.
FIREFLY: Rule 4 - Camouflage. (Puts dish towels over his body and appears like a giant pile of laundry).
KID: They’re towels. (Disguised as laundry, Firefly suddenly moves forward, opens the jar silently, removes a cookie, replaces it, and closes it without a sound.)
KID: Whoa…
FIREFLY: Rule 5 - Have a cover story. (Firefly is gone. The towels drop to the floor.) 
MOM: What are you doing in here? 
KID: I…um…I am not going to broadcast my target.
MOM: And why were you talking to the laundry?
KID: …camouflage?

FIREFLY (outside the home, eating a cookie): Remember, underestimate the environment, and you’ll fail the mission.  Knowing is half the battle.

(Comic strip made by an anonymous commenter on Facebook).

https://preview.redd.it/q7pana8iiczg1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6845f84d434716f5faabc1364f2f94789dcb0182

GROOT: I am Groot.
COUNSELOR TROI: I’m sensing vulnerability. The hesitation before “am”? You’re ambivalent about your identity. Very common in neglected offspring.
GUINAN: He asked for water.
TROI:  Yes, that's what Freudian analysts call regression. The neglected child returns to water as a comfort substitute.
GROOT: I am Groot.
TROI: You can feel the need for approval. The Flora Colossi raise their young communally. But imagine being a sapling who doesn’t photosynthesize fast enough. He’s always under the canopy, never getting validation.
GUINAN: You think he’s got sunlight envy?
TROI: Exactly. Excessive shadow can produce attachment disorders. Every “I am Groot” is really, “I could have been taller if someone believed in me.”
GROOT: I am Groot.
TROI: Now he’s expressing guilt. He’s internalized the idea that good seedlings don’t need roots to thrive. That’s classic early growth neglect.
GUINAN: He said the bourbon smells good.
TROI: We all crave what our caretakers withheld, Guinan. Water, light, bourbon... unconditional photosynthesis. (Groot sighs, wood creaking.)
TROI: You feel that? That’s the body remembering abandonment. He was probably left in a shallow planter. He was never repotted or told he could reach the sky.
GUINAN: He’s from a forest the size of a continent.
TROI: Which has systemic neglect. Imagine growing up surrounded by thousands of elders, and none of them saying, “You are enough wood.” (A deep, resonant tone comes from Groot.)
TROI: That sound…The inner sapling still reaching toward a sun that never looked back.
GUINAN: He asked to try the bourbon. (Guinan pours him a glass)
TROI: Progress. He’s rewriting his childhood script by nourishing himself!

GUINAN: (after both leave)  Whole galaxy full of people, and the best communicator’s the one who only says three words.