Am I trippin?
Excuse the title, but I’m looking for some outside perspective.
My ex has a fiancée (I believe they recently got engaged). When I first met her, I was genuinely excited that my kids would have another adult in their lives who cared about them and looked after them when they were at their dad’s house. However, a few things have happened that have made me uncomfortable.
The first time was when she commented that my daughter is “always seeking attention.” My daughter had just turned 3 years old. That rubbed me the wrong way, but I tried not to make a big deal out of it.
Another time, after my son’s baseball game, she offered my son some chips. He said, “No thank you.” My daughter said, “I want some!” and she responded, “Of course you do.” It felt passive-aggressive to me, especially because it wasn’t the first comment she’d made about my daughter.
For context, after I ended our engagement, I struggled financially because I didn’t have a job during my relationship with my ex. Sometimes I dress my daughter in her older brother’s oversized shirts or shorts because I left everything that we had for his house and Im starting over. She thinks it’s fun and creative. They aren’t underwear, just clothes that don’t fit him anymore.
One day my daughter came back from her dad’s house wearing my son’s boxers. She has also frequently come home in clothes and shoes that are too small for her. I reached out to her father and explained that, in my culture, siblings sharing underwear is considered unhygienic, even if it’s washed. I even offered to buy extra underwear for their house if needed.
Instead of my ex responding, his girlfriend messaged me. She sent me a photo of a pile of my daughter’s underwear at their house and told me they didn’t need my help. She also explained that she had put my daughter in my son’s boxers because I sometimes send my daughter in my son’s old shirts and shorts.
I told her that concerns regarding my children should be discussed between me and their father, not through her. When I spoke with my ex, he apologized and said he didn’t know she had done that. Since then, my daughter has not come home wearing my son’s underwear again.
The latest issue is that my son recently told me she says that when children are “bad,” they are showing their “real selves.” My son is young, so I understand there could be missing context, but the comment concerned me.
When I brought it up to my ex, he said he doesn’t know what that’s about because he always sees his fiancée being very nice to the kids.
At this point, I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overthinking things or whether these incidents together paint a bigger picture. My concern is that my ex may be leaving the kids alone with her frequently, and she may be getting overwhelmed with a stepparent role she wasn’t prepared for. Sometimes it feels like my daughter, in particular, may be the target of her frustration.
Am I reading too much into this, or would these comments and incidents concern you as well?