How do you get out from trauma due to SA and oppression?
During 4 years, about 10 years ago i was living with my abuser. He would rape me daily, but above that, the rapes were part of a general system to tell me i was an error of nature. Not talking right. Not dressing right. Not making sex right. Not talking to the right people. Not choosing the right friends. Not washing the dishes right. Not STANDING right. Too fat (i was never overweight, i ended up anorexic). Not watching the right tv shows, not listening to the right music.
Anyway, i did make my life after i ran away from him, and thought i was legit doing better. But 2 months ago i learnt that he's in prison, likely for rape, and i was told i could press charges. Tried. Failed, and i feel like i'm just overwhelmed with trauma i can't get out of. I'm questioning my every move, every word. I'm always afraid i'm not doing things right. It makes my partner sad bc he can't do anything to help me, it makes the communication impossible as i'm afraid of him not reacting right to things i do. Even though he is adorable and very supportive, never gaslighting.
I'm going to a new therapist tomorrow after trying 4 different ones since my previous therapist left town. But therapy is going to take for ages and in the meantime, i need to be able to take care of my apartment and my 2yo without second guessing my every move.
Thank you for reading me.