u/ZealousidealLet9130

I don’t know how long I can take this anymore. I want so badly to end this but no matter how much I ask it never goes anywhere. I’ve tried to get help multiple times for the past three years but they never go through with it. I’m so lost and i genuinely need help. I can’t help but just face the fact that if spmethgndoesnt happen soon, i WILL kill myself. I have thifnfs i want to live for but it no longer feels like enough. I can’t take this anymore, I need something to change. Please help me. I want it to end. How am I supposed to get help when they won’t help me? they see me as less, not worthy of help.

i dont know what’s wrong with me. I know I have experienced happiness before, but how do I actually KNOW. I know myself. i know I’ve been happy but when I fall back i feel as if happiness has never been a thing for me all my life. even though I know it’s not true, I have been happy, but it’s just like I can’t control it. I can’t stop feeling hopeless, and without happiness ever. wven if I tell myself that I have, it doesn’t matter. in the moment I have never felt happiness in my life, and I never will.

I’m ashamed of myself and im fuckimg worthless. I hurt everyone around me, I can’t be happy, I’m stubborn, I’m angry, and I can’t be what they want me to be. I wish I was good for them, but I’m not. I’m useless, I’m uncommitted, I won’t get anywhere becase of who I am. I try but i will always be this way. i have no one. I want to cut myself so badly but it causes more pain to the people I love and I’m scared of myself. I want to feel it so bad. i need to punish myself. I am far to selfish and worthless forthe people around me.