u/Zeebrio

I know this is intensely personal, but I'm having a really hard time ... I feel like I'm being pressured into making a quick decision (like within a month of my last chemo treatment, when I know I'll still be weak).

I am 58F who had implants probably 15 years ago. I have a very "athletic" frame, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made as far as self-image and feeling "proportionate."

Well, of course the girls have started drooping, and I have been nervous for an implant fail for years ... SO, now I have a 3cm tumor on the right ... THP. Surgeon feels like she can do a fairly simple lumpectomy -- less recovery ... it's probably what I *should* do ...

But they drained my implants at my pre-op last week -- so now I have comic strip droopy boobs that I know I won't feel good about long-term ...

I'm trying to balance recovery vs. reality vs. identity vs. feeing OK with my body (And it's HONESTLY ME. I'm single after a long marriage, have dated a bit, not with anyone now -- it's really all about what I SEE in the mirror vs. worrying about it for anyone else).

I don't necessarily want implants ... Although not opposed ... What I want is to reverse gravity on these droopy things that are spilling over my chest when I'm on my back.

AGAIN - I know this is VERY personal, and seeking maybe 1/3 medical advice and 2/3 HOW DID YOU FEEL WITH YOUR DECISION kinda advice ... if that makes sense? I am willing to endure a harder recovery to not regret that I didn't do what I really wanted to do ... I think I'll be disappointed with my lumpectomy and just leaving the girls to droop the rest of my life ...

SOOO appreciate this forum to read and ask and share ... I KNOW I am very fortunate for what my actual prognosis is and what I have to endure, so for that I am certainly grateful ... and sending all the love out there to everyone dealing with this illness. xoxo

I started with a 2.9 cm mass on right side, which is lumpectomy worthy.

I have implants (probably 15 years old?) that plastic surgeon drained (400cc each) --

Surgeon says lumpectomy is probably easiest option, relatively OK recovery.

I got implants SOOO many years ago, because my frame is athletic. Stocky. It was a good decision and I felt "proportionate" and happy.

So now I'm 58. Single. I don't know what to do. I KNOW that just the lumpectomy will get that cancer out. I let the plastic surgeon drain my 400cc per implant last visit .. so it's kind of a cartoon shit show ..

The lumpectomy and really nothing else is the easy route. But my self-esteem and how I feel about myself is also important (and honestly, I've thought a lot about this ... It's not for anyone but me).

I have to schedule surgery soon. There are SOOOO many journeys/paths to this decision -

If you just let nature take its course --
If you had implants -- and if so, what kind.

If I could snap my fingers, I'd want smaller, not droopy boobs, vs. the comic strip thing I'm visualizing. Aaaack!

I just posted this on Facebook because I've been sharing a little about my journey ... I thought it might be good for a smile today ... Cheers :)

***

And now a funny story. Well, not a story, but a side effect that I find humor in.

If you get queasy ... Scroll on by. It's not SUPER gross, but ...

SO ... One big chemo side effect is that it messes with ALLLL of your mucous membranes ... mouth, nose, etc. PLUS, you lose your hair (I think I have like 9 eyebrow hairs left), INCLUDING your NOSE HAIR.

Did you know how much your nose hair keeps your nose from constantly dripping? The answer is A LOT. It's like a faucet.

And, in the meantime, there's dryness, and irritation, and inflammation in your nasal membranes, so you get these massive scabby things inside your nose (OMG -- I've been calling them stalactites or stalagmites, but they're not from the top or bottom of a cave, so I just Googled whether there was a word for deposits on the SIDES of a cave ... I'm not joking -- the different types had these names: Flowstone , Draperies (or Cave Bacon) , Cave Popcorn ... among others). Lolol.

SO ... Especially at night and in the morning, it all builds up in there and makes for some COLORFUL results.

Some nose blows are just liquid --- The tissue looks like a bloody Rorschach test. But as things shift ... It is what I call "bloody shotgun snot clot." Shit flies out of my nose like a shotgun. Sometimes into the tissue. Sometimes a big glob on my hand, and most often, a chunk of sticky scab is propelled to my neck/upper chest. Which sometimes I don't notice for a bit. This has happened at least a dozen times.

This will probably only appeal to the people who like to see a good pimple popping ... But it's just so satisfying. lol. sorry, but it's kinda spectacular.

https://preview.redd.it/buqns8hmw5zg1.png?width=754&format=png&auto=webp&s=bc22cf63792341b71a3b0bbab521a90be8a0b670

Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston as she takes a closer look at how the digital age is shaping teens’ decisions around vaping, drugs, and alcohol. Through research, personal stories, and expert insight, this film explores the pressures young people face today and offers practical strategies to help families and communities support healthy choices.

Hosted by: Port Angeles Healthy Youth Coalition & Port Angeles School District

Please contact Amanda Sanders for more information:

360-809-0569; pahealthyyouth@gmail.com