u/ZoeToidtheOmniscient

Ik (m48) wil duaal Hbo-V studeren want ik heb een salaris nodig om de huur te betalen, als ik het geld voor had was ik liever fulltime gaan studeren maar sommige dingen in het leven lopen niet zoals je wilt. In de maanden dat ik nu aan het solliciteren ben naar een duale leer-werkplek nemen ze je nirt aan tenzij net van school af komt of een hoge functie in bedrijfsleven hebt bekleed. Ik heb vnl uitvoerende functies gehad en mijn hbo opleiding niet afgerond, wel enorm veel certificeringen op mijn vakgebied (waar ze in de Zorg geen bal aan hebben). Ik werd wel toegelaten tot de opleiding door de hogeschool, maar solliciteren naar een duale leer-werkplek-baan was een andere uitdaging die maar niet lukte (hun reacties variererden van 'we zitten al vol' tot 'je hebt geen werkervaring in de zorg' duh!) hun advies was steeds om eerst een mbo2 of 3 opleiding te doen voordat je aan HBO begint, terwijl er horden 18jarige schoolverlaters zonder enige werkervaring aan een duale HBO -V opleiding beginnen ! (met >40% uitval in het 1e jr dat wel).

Ik vraag me af hoe andere zij-instromers in de Zorg dit traject van opleiding en werkgever zoeken hebben ervaren en wat jullie zijn tegengekomen aan obstakels ? Dit alles wordt vanuit de Hogeschool beetje schouder ophalend weggewuifd 'dat is jammer volgend jaar beter!', terwijl ik gewoon klaar ben in het bedrijfsleven te blijven werken, ik wil werk met zingeving! Het is wel iets van de laatste jaren dat je voor bv Verzorgende of Helpende Plus-opleiding zonder zorg-diploma's en/of werkervaring in de zorg mag beginnen, voor HBO-V is dat op papier ook niet nodig, maar de praktijk is het heel anders, hier moet je dan zelf achter komen en dan besluiten om lager in te stromen of stoppen en in je eigen sector blijven doormodderen. Vind ik niet erg, maar ze hadden me wel die maanden aan tijdverspilling (solliciteren op Hbo-nivo) kunnen besparen!

Een grote zorginstelling onderkend dit beeld ook voor zij-instromers, dat vele kandidaten het opgeven door deze praktische beperkingen die ze niet vooraf bekend zijn bv universitair geschoolden van wie wordt verwacht eerst op mbo 2/3 nivo opleiding te moeten doen, voor velen is dit een veel te lang traject en zit je vaak met pubers in de klas. Een flink aantal jaar geleden was dit veel erger, tegenwoordig nemen ze zij-instromers wel aan voor een mbo2-3 nivo (Helpende plus of VIG) opleiding, door de grotere tekorten zien ze nu in hoe ze zichzelf in de vingers snijden als ze de vereisten niet verlagen.

Let's say you really wanted to become a Doctor but for many reaons (personal, professional, educational etc) you couldn't handle or get into Medschool , did you then opt for something else in the medical field? Why and what major did you choose? Like an OT instead of a surgeon ? or Radiology nurse instead of Oncologist? Lab technician? My question is how many of you working in medical field right now, in the past wanted to become a doctor, but opted out for whatever reason ? what did you study instead and what job do you have now?

Me personally I wasn't smart and secure enough in my teens to even consider medschool, I knew I wouldn't survive for long bc of my learning issues (adhd, insecurity) , so I followed the herd and opted for IT, still flunked out of college but kept surviving in low lvl tech support gigs. Even now 3 decades later (m48) Medschool is out of the question as I need to make rent every month. Yet I'm done suffering through corporate jobs, despite it's perks you need genuine ambition to work for abstract goals, or else you're replacable. So retrying getting into a Nursing major in college, but why choose severe stress being spit shit and bled on over a comfy 8hr workday? Good question, just 10yrs ago I was laughed out the door trying to get in , right now there are many ways to get in due to the shortage and burnout rates.

I'm about to make a scary jump from the moderate security of a Tech job (resource planning and support) to the shaky ground of healthcare, Currently unemployed and looking for a job with more meaning. Pay is about the same, even a bit more in nursing, as I did low to midlevel stuff in Tech. I don't get any support for this choice and I feel more and more unsure, am I deluding myself ? I need some guidance !

Some history:
Three decades ago before I graduated from High school I had no clue what else to become except a doctor, or a physicist , a scientist of some sort to be sure, but considering my average grades (except A+ for math and biology) and the fact I was missing certain courses to even be eligible to apply for medschool, I chose to follow the herd at the time and study IT in college. I didnt give up, I just pivoted to a more realistic option, but I flunked out twice due to bad grades, undiagnosed ADHD and just general misery of a young teen with low selfesteem in a demanding environment. I went to work in several low lvl tech support gigs, but getting hired and fired often due to Adhd did a number on my selfworth. When I moved out to live on my own there was no room anymore for pipedreams and had to make rent, so I stayed in IT and tried to make the best of it. I was mostly surviving though and barely making targets, I got fired often, which ate away at my already flimsy selfesteem bc the corporate environment just wasn't suited for me, I was often unemployed for longer periods but what else could I do? just rinse and repeat.

Fast fwd to my Adhd diagnoses at 41, after which I could finally sustain jobs for much longer bc I knew what work adjustments I needed. I became a functional valued employee, but I wasn't happy, the work itself was engaging in the beginning, untill I got used to it.

Fast fwd to now, my last job in Tech ended badly, it was a highly commercial one and I couldn't stomach it, but considering my age and lack of diploma's I had no choice to make the best of it... and got fired again after a long time of doing well. This was a huge blow and turning point for me, I couldn't lie myself into corporate jobs again just to make rent, I needed to choose for myself instead of waiting to be chosen for any job that wanted me.

Then recently during job hunting I came across many jobs in Healthcare requiring no diplomas, mainly for elderly care in nursing homes. I spoke to some teachers of the Nursing program and they were enthusiastic to have a man with 'life experience' enter the profession, as many do switch from corporate jobs for more meaningfull work. As I still need to pay rent I opted for the work-study program. I just begun applying for elderly care jobs bc this is the 'easiest' way in the short term. I've visited a nursing home to get acquainted but for starters I would only be concerned with feeding them and do daytime activities. This is far from monitoring criitcal patients in an ICU, but I need to be realistic and start somewhere!

My friends and family though frown at this surprising switch and don't understand it, 'YOU in healthcare?' , as in are you SURE you can handle the work stress and long shifts ? ánd school? why even bother if you can make a decent paycheck in Tech ? Also at my age (49) I've been out of school for so long , it's making me question my decision. I have no

I'm not asking here to make that decision for me, as I'm well aware what I'm getting myself into. What am I missing here or refuse to see ? If my goal is to work in a hospital, is it fair to tell myself 'this is temporary' when it get's hard cleaning violent ppl buts during long shifts?

ps: 8yrs ago (just áfter Adhd diagnosis) I tried to enter Healthcare as well for the same reason, but without any relevant experience or diploma's they shut the door, asking the same question why I would give up a better paying low stress IT job for this. Also I live in Europe so education here is very affordable and work conditions arent as deplorable as in the US, pay is also reasonable.

Do you often get the feeling that you're loved but also barely tolerated by your family of origin? That they don't appreciate your truth telling about the family dysfunctions ? That they rather revel and bond in gossip about the misery and dysfunction of others ? and when you're not around do the same about you? That your own parents and siblings don't believe that you're capable of success in either career or relationships ? Where indirect communication through a jolly facade of fun and pleasentry is their jam and vulnerability is ignored ? Yet to them it's a mystery why I dislike being around them.

Do you often wonder how much of your suffering was due to your cognitive dysfunction and how much your parent's reponse to that dysfunction ? What conclusion did you come to?

And do you often blame yourself for your own trauma bc you're gaslighted so often by your family you're not sure anymore if the abuse was real ? Are these dynamics relatable ?

I often need to recheck my sanity through posts like these after visiting them to be sure I'm not being gaslit again, as isolating myself from them only backfires in strengthening their beliefs about me. Going 'no contact' is quite impossible with my family as I can't escape their guiltripping grasp, it seems like the Scapegoat needs to be kept around to prove that my parents are not at fault.

I (m48) still have this innate drive to redo college, get my bachelors have a stable career and maybe even have a family of my own, but how 'bad' is it that it's also validation seeking from a family system that never recognized you as capable person?

I had a good stable childhood on the surface, but in my culture criticizing your parents for any abuse was equal to social exclusion, parents were beyond reproach, your success equals your parents solid parenting, your failure is all your own fault. They will gaslight you till you believe your Bad your Bad you know it.... but they still love you regardless ;)

Question for the Males specifically bc as you know in the dating game women have the advantage and are innately more social. Are the men loners ? do you revel in it or deplore it? by choice or circumstance?

I'm wondering if there is a consistent pattern for us INFJ men who have inattentive ADHD (reportedly the type women have) , and I’m curious how this combo actually plays out in real life for men. What does your work and social life look like ? Are there patterns in motivation, learning style, focus, career choices and jobs ? How do your romantic relationships tend to unfold, especially around communication, emotional depth and intimacy? Do you have kids ? And socially, do you notice consistent themes in how you connect and maintain friendships? What does you ideal career/job and personal life look like?

INFJ's depth searching for patterns beauty and meaning in everything coupled with the cognitive 'impairement' of deep but scattered focus and propensity for analyzing over acting, is this familiar ? Jungian archetype The Hermit ? How to persue spiritual development and a stable material and family life ? Who of you have tried and succeeded ? is it really that hard or just learning how to deal with our specific wiring?

So far for me these things have been mutually exclusive, as regular jobs burn me out (unless I demand and get special acommodations for Adhd), but always being tethered to a 'higher calling' through spiritual practice (meditation, yoga) keeps me going. Also naturally looking at the bigger picture and seeing naming the patterns, trying to understand what I see and hear while not listening to all of what is being said, zoning out down a rabbit hole of my own. All this ofc never translated in to a concrete job description, the majors I was drawn to (psychology, history, math) were out of reach at the time being undiagnosed without medication. With 3 decades of hindsight (48 now) behind me I can say that life only makes sense if I can help and 'heal' other people in some way, to guide them closer to God.

I’m interested in hearing from adults with inattentive‑type ADHD and rejection sensitivity about how these traits have influenced your dating, long‑term relationships, and decisions around having children ? Also considering the online dating apps being heavily skewed in favour of women and the 'single mothers by choice' trend.

From personal experience and what I've seen around me and online communities is that men are more likely to remain single after multiple 'rejections', as men are expected to initiate romantic interactions, women don't have to put their selfesteem on the line in the way men do , then Adhd w comorbid Shame compound these issues. I’m wondering whether this reflects real patterns or if it varies widely from person to person regardless of where you are on the spectrum?

For those who relate to this, how did your ADHD‑PI and RSD affect forming (sexual) relationships and/or starting a family ? Different perspectives on this are welcome, I'm really curious if the current loneliness epidemic affects men and women the same way, considering women have options to have a child wo a partner (IVF, sperm bank), while men don't on account of not having a womb (..), referring again to the disturbing 'single mothers by choice' trend. If you're involuntary single and childless, how did this situation develop, by circumstance, timing, avoidance, trauma/shame or personal choice ?

ps: intentionally leaving out the combined/Hyperactive types au have more assertiveness built in and thus more likely to be succesfull at procreating ?