u/_-ollie

this friend of mine is a gym bro. he posts on his Instagram story about achieving a low body fat, food noise, being hungry, etc. literally reposted mukbangs.

once he was talking to me about his calorie deficit, being in a cut, and losing weight. he shared with me how much weight he was losing and I felt awful because I was gaining that much and more while barely eating.

what tipped me over the edge was when he sent a body photo, I said I didn't want to comment on his body, and he said I could call him "skinnyyy 😝" in a quirky way.

I said I didn't want to talk about it all because I have a severe eating disorder. and that all of it was triggering because I've gained weight recently. I'm finding a lot of things triggering at the moment.

he did respect that and he did stop mentioning it. I then told him I hope he's okay because I was concerned. this was a few weeks ago.

yesterday he posted on his story something along the lines of "at what body fat am I worthy of love". I replied saying none because that has nothing to do with body fat.

today he randomly posted a photo of a blood pressure cuff. it was a very low bp. I replied asking if he's okay but tell me why the fuck I'm jealous???

I don't know what to do about this. of course it's my fault for being triggered. I can simply not click on his story. but I'm just... idk. I don't know how to cope.

any advice? should I talk to my friend about it again? this feels like such a non-issue.

my therapist told me I'm free to send her emails if I have any questions or things I want to share. the thing is, I'm not sure how many days after a session is it appropriate to send an email. and if I do, I'm not sure how much to share.

is a few days after a session acceptable? can I share things that I have trouble saying in-person or should I keep it all strictly for sessions?

of course this varies per therapist, but I'd appreciate any guidance on this so I don't cross any obvious therapist-client boundary that I'm not aware of!!!

I've been struggling with this shit for more than a year, long enough to know this awful behaviour THRIVES on privacy. I feel like telling my therapist will help me stop, and she'll be able to help me with it, but I don't know how to admit it. I'm ashamed of myself.

has anyone told a professional about chew/spit behaviour? if so, how did you do it and how did it go? how did you stop?

my psychologist recommended I add an Ensure to my daily intake. eithter the original or plus. I guess an original is better than none.

my mum suggested she buy them online (they're not available locally, so I have to buy them from the US...) for me, and I keep delaying telling her which type because I don't want to drink it. I've gained a lot weight over the last few months eating almost nothing, my body changed too quickly, and now adding an Ensure feels like too much.

I know I need it, and I know that adding xxx many calories a day will not harm me, but I constantly feel like something bad will happen if my intake goes up. I KNOW I'm allowed this, but I feel guilty. eating is hard, mentally and physically.

I'm also a bit worried of refeeding syndrome. and that I'd subconsciously reduce my intake in order to make up for it.

how do I tell myself that it's ok to have this? that nothing bad will happen?

my psychologist recommended I add an Ensure to my daily intake. eithter the original or plus. I guess an original is better than none.

my mum suggested she buy them online (they're not available locally, so I have to buy them from the US...) for me, and I keep delaying telling her which type because I don't want to drink it. I've gained a lot weight over the last few months eating almost nothing, my body changed too quickly, and now adding an Ensure feels like too much.

I know I need it, and I know that adding >!220 calories a day!< will not harm me, but I constantly feel like something bad will happen if my intake goes up. I KNOW I'm allowed this, but I feel guilty. eating is hard, mentally and physically.

I'm also a bit worried of refeeding syndrome. and that I'd subconsciously reduce my intake in order to make up for it.

how do I tell myself that it's ok to have this? that nothing bad will happen?

I don't know how but I gained so much weight recently although I'm barely eating. and it's not going down.

my clothes feel claustrophobic on me. I cry every time I have to change clothes, get dressed, and take a shower. I've had multiple panic attacks.

I cry after eating dinner. I don't want to eat at all anymore. I feel sick of myself.

I have a therapy appointment next week but it all feels useless. I don't want to talk, I want a new brain.

my mum has gotten a bit more worried but sometimes I struggle to understand why. I don't look emaciated anymore. she says I've gotten worse.

edit: I realised some of this comes off as pro-ana. I didn't mean that. I'm just really struggling and I don't know what to do.

is it just me or has everyone else seen an increase in the number of posts with specific weights and calories (not even spoilered either) and pro-anorexia content?

I've been in this subreddit for a long time, but only lately have I noticed this more.

I used to feel bad for leaving a "please no numbers" comment under a post without acknowledging the post itself, but I no longer feel bad. it's not hard to read the rules before posting.

I report when I can. but it's frustrating.

does anyone else feel this way?

I am not in recovery. at all. I am barely eating yet I put on some weight. no it isn't water weight or stool weight, it hasn't gone down in a month. I look bigger and my clothes are tighter.

I cry almost every day. it wasn't intentional at all. I gained weight eating less than a quarter of what humans need. I have no appetite at all yet the urge to chew/spit has gotten worse.

I gained a few kilos in just >!2 months!<. please don't hypothesise reasons for weight gain.

I try to tell myself I look better but I hate it. how do I accept this?

"oh because you're underweight" SO??? THE ACTION IS STILL THE SAME ACTION.

I need to vent. alright.

my dad started doing >!intermittent fasting!< recently. I didn't know how many hours until today and it triggered me badly. why? I don't fucking know.

my mum mentioned today at the dinner table how we need to improve food habits in our home a bit more. by that, she just means more homemade food, less processed food (we don't eat out due to religious dietary reasons but we still buy lots of processed snacks and cereals), healthier foods, and a better approach towards food in general.

that's fair, that's not restrictive at all.

but my dad LITERALLY REPLIED "well I don't eat much anymore" my mum asked "what do you mean?... you do eat" and then he mentioned how he's doing his intermittent fasting, only eating between >!2pm to 8pm!<. right so it's not okay when I do it but it's okay when you do???

and my dad ALWAYS tells me "you need to eat more often" and "you're malnourished" whenever I mention feeling physically bad about anything... even just a headache.

this was all at the dinner table. I hadn't eaten the whole day, I was looking forward to having dinner, and I couldn't finish my food. I almost started crying into my plate.

like I totally get my dad wants to lose weight (he's obese, used to be morbidly obese) and be healthier, props to him for that, but don't give me unsolicited advice if you're no longer going to follow the same.

and yeah way to go dad, mentioning at the dinner table how you don't eat much anymore in front of your anorexic daughter.

idk, am I overreacting? I feel like I am. I rarely get triggered by people saying things.

it's been so hard lately. I gained lots of weight, probably fluid retention, and I look puffy everywhere. so it's all triggered me at once I guess.