u/_SadisticMagician

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Today I had a fight with my partner or rather, I yelled while she didn’t respond, which is how it has always gone during the rare times I’ve lost my temper with her.

I’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Over time, she has said she’s become aware that she probably has a lot of autistic traits too, though she hasn’t been diagnosed.

Basically, I woke up already irritated because our cat woke up too early and came to bite me. I got up to close the bathroom door (that’s where the litter box is, and light was coming from there) and with every step from the bed to the bathroom I stepped on cat litter scattered on the floor. It’s been there for days.

That disgusting feeling sent me into a spiral of negative thoughts, which I eventually unloaded onto her during the drive to work.

I live badly. I leave clothes everywhere, I don’t clean, I let trash pile up, I struggle to get up in the morning, I lose my mind when the neighbor’s dog barks, etc. Basically the classic neurodivergent profile. The only thing I consistently do is cook. I’m the only one cooking, otherwise we would only eat frozen pizza.

I feel like an asshole, and maybe I am one. But I’d like to understand whether other diagnosed people can relate to my point of view.

We bought a house two years ago, and half of it still isn’t furnished. The second floor is basically just a worn-out peeling bed and a dresser. Everything else is empty.

The ground floor is just a random collection of furniture and unfinished projects that we neither complete nor organize. What I basically asked her is: is she genuinely okay living like this?

I pointed out the cat litter all over the house, my clothes lying around, the random furniture, the fact that we never seem interested in improving the situation, and I also pointed out that she always does the same specific tasks: washes dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the bathroom every few weeks.

IMPORTANT: I’m NOT saying she should do the things I don’t do. I’m not expecting that.

What I mean is that she focuses on the things she personally considers important, with almost obsessive routines and timing, sometimes fixating on details that feel pointless to me, like wiping soap foam off the shower flooring. Meanwhile the rest of the house is a disaster.

NOT BECAUSE I WANT HER TO DO EVERYTHING, TO BE CLEAR.

But because she seems comfortable living in the mess that I myself create. I feel awful living like this, even though I actively contribute to it. I’m fully aware that everything should be managed better.

She doesn’t seem to feel that same discomfort, and I wish she did. So what I was really asking her is whether she tolerates this lifestyle because she tolerates my shitty behavior, or because she herself is genuinely okay living in this kind of chaos.

That’s what I’m trying to understand. I can’t live according to my own standards, but she seems not to have standards of her own at all.

She seems lost in these tiny repetitive tasks, and honestly I don’t think a mentally healthy person would tolerate certain things in a partner unless they had issues themselves.

For example, we own a robot vacuum cleaner, but we never use it because the house is so chaotic that it constantly needs remapping. I’m the one with the app on my phone, so if I don’t start it, it never runs. In fact, it hasn’t run in two months.

Again: I know I’m a mess. But why is she okay with it? She never says things like, “let’s clean up”.

Basically, the house only ever gets properly cleaned when I completely snap and spend an entire day restoring everything back to normal by myself.

Explain this to me: am I the one functioning badly (of course) and just being selfish? Or does it make sense that I point out that some of these behaviors aren’t exactly normal?

I picked the game back up after several years. Back then I had gotten every achievement and done pretty much everything, including the gauntlets. I think the only thing I was missing was the Shura outfit. Did not practice that ending much.

My only save file was on NG+5 or +6, right in front of the final fight. The muscle memory was completely gone, so I decided to start a fresh save.

I gave Kuro back the charm, beat the Ogre, and rang the bell, just like I remembered being standard procedure.

I then spent the next two days getting absolutely flattened by everything in the game. I started doubting my abilities. Maybe I’m losing my prime gaming skills now that I’m getting close to 35. Eventually I beat Gyoubu, Lady Butterfly, Genichiro, and various minibosses. I finally reached Guardian Ape, and that’s when it hit me.

I had never actually done a fresh save with both debuffs active before.

So I'm not a noob after all. I was simply playing the hardest version of Sekiro possible (without self-imposed challenges like no Shinobi Prosthetic) since the first time I played it.

I raise a toast to a retirement without arthritis, so I can keep parrying future FromSoftware games and every random soulslike that comes out. May my timing never abandon me.