u/_bolarpear

pagod nako.

pagod nako na lagi nalang kita iniisip.

na kahit anong gawin ko. kahit anong therapy. kahit anong self help. kahit anong distraction. wala.

baka kailangan ko na lang talaga umalis
para maging okay na din ako.

kasalanan ko din to eh. ikaw nagustuhan ko.

akala ko pwede pa rin tayo maging friends
pero wala
dedma.

ang sakit na masyado.

baka mas okay na umalis na lang talaga ako.

napapagod na ko asking na sana may halaga ako sayo.

at least enough to face me after i confessed my feelings to you

but i’ve never gotten anything; not even a rejection. wala. as in wala.

gets ko naman baka hindi mo alam magrespond. baka hindi mo alam paano iapproach to.

pero naka ilang reach out nako. naka ilang bukas pinto. wala pa din.

so baka kailangan ko na lang talaga umalis.

rest day from my graveyard shift work

currently bought a new headset na i wanna try. cant play valo cause of maintenance issues

anyone up to play tonight?

it’s been almost a week since i’ve given you my confession letter and asking you if we can talk about being friends still

but i guess i got your answer already kasi hindi ka na nagpaparamdam

in the back of my mind, i’d like to think na baka nagbu-build ka lang ng lakas ng loob or ng thoughts to talk about it

but honestly i’m done waiting and asking the what ifs. kasi if you would like me to wait, you would tell me, right?

so i guess i’ll just leave our friendship like that too.

it hurts to be silently rejected
it might make me lose my feelings,
but i also lost our friendship too.

that’s the most hurtful part.

but it’s okay. kasalanan ko naman na nagkagusto ako sayo.

hello po. currently craving for kiamoy/chamoy gummies. i used to have those as snacks nung college pako and ngayong naaalala ko siya, nagcrave ako bigla

basically gummies siya na nakababad sa kiamoy/chamoy sauce. nagcheck na ko sa local sweet shops pero wala silang ganun

anyone know saan pwede makabili? preferrably anywhere from imus to dasma

thank you!

hi engineer

after weeks of keeping things locked up in my head, trying to figure out how i feel about you

i finally wrote a letter and gave it to you

in the said letter, i told you na i’m hoping we can still be friends and if not, it’s okay too

now that i’m back at work and we finally met again after a day, i don’t know if i should keep thinking about it

but maybe i’ll just forget about it too cause you never reached back

i’m glad i still confessed to you, jona.

i’m glad you accepted the letter

thank you for allowing me to express what has been killing me inside

and if this is the last and the end of our story, then i’m happy that it ended in transparency.

if your no-respond is the respond of your rejection then i’ll gladly accept

i’ll continue working on how this feelings can fade

and i hope you never experience what i’ve felt

because you deserve to be loved back by someone who can love you more than i do

for now, i’ll leave it on where it ended,
in a quiet distance of “what do we do now”

i’ll stop hoping na you’ll reach out
kasi it hurts more knowing na you aren’t

Problem/Goal: I’m still in state of limerence for a co-worker. Almost a month naman na kaming hindi nag-uusap. Nothing is going on. The thing is, nararamdaman ko pa rin yung feelings.

Context: I (23F) have been feeling things for a co-worker (24F). We started out friends until I noticed na I’ve been feeling different. I started distancing myself na kasi even though I can’t control how I feel, i know by distancing, I can control my actions.

I don’t like feeling this way. Kapag may onting sense ako ng kilig or i notice myself looking for her, I punish myself for it para lang matuto na ko.

It doesn’t help na I keep missing her and wanting to talk to her again. As if the more na hindi kami naguusap, the more naglo-longing ako. Pero I can’t talk to her kasi I don’t know how and I don’t think I should?

Now, I’m in the state na I miss being friends with her. Wala naman akong romantic intentions kasi I know we won’t work out anyway. Pero I know I’ve ruined the friendship already and every day, every night, I just go through this heartbreak. Napapagod na ko

Previous attempts: I’ve consulted my friends and they all told me to focus on something else. I tried but it keeps coming back everytime I go to work.

I also opened up to my boss about it (bestfriend kasi sila ng boss ko) and she told me na I should stop beating myself about it and to move on kasi wala na din daw siyang interest to be friends with me after suddenly distancing myself

I thought about going to therapy for this, pero hindi ko afford sa dami ng bayarin. Yung provider naman ng company namin, next next week pa ang availability so I’m trying to look for other ways while I wait

You could want someone to be in your life so bad

And that someone to never care about you at all

It’s been a month na nilalaban ko tong feelings/thoughts ko about you. Crying myself to sleep. Struggling to control myself about it

And then I get the usual reminder na I’m no longer anything to you.

But it’s okay. Hindi naman ako galit sayo.

Ang unfair lang talaga ng mundo

hey, engineer. kanina ko pa tinititigan yung first and last chat natin. 06/24 pa. tagal na din since last usap natin.

i know we’ve talked about being okay again pero parang biglang hindi na ulit natin kilala yung isa’t isa.

sorry i had to distant myself for a long while. truth is, i’ve been having these feelings for you na i can’t control. these “limerence” na hanggang ngayon inaaral ko pa din kung ano.

i know you probably won’t see this letter
i know you probably don’t care at all

and i guess it’s stupid of me to think na this will reach out to you

and if it does, here’s what i want to say.

i’m sorry for everything.
i’m sorry for not being a good friend to you.
i miss you and being friends with you.
i miss our little conversations
i miss our going home together after work

and i hope na someday, i could tell you how i feel
and continue moving on from these feelings

and hopefully we can be okay again. to be friends again. hoping na someday in the future, pagtatawanan na lang natin to.

all of these things i wish i could tell you

maybe one conversation can change the way things are now

but who am i to hope? i’m the only one here wishing we could be friends again.

kahit gustuhin ko
kahit do-able siya sa isipan ko

i don’t think i can act casual

i could try, but then i’m scared na a part of me might want something else

so i’m just gonna leave it as it is.

okay na ko sa hanggang tingin. hanggang rinig. hanggang ngiti at kilig

and eventually it will die down

until then, i can’t act casual with you.

it sucks so bad na i developed feelings for you

we started okay and we’ve been good friends

pero ewan ko kung anong putanginang gayuma nangyari sakin at bigla na lang akong nagkagusto sayo

and it hurts so fucking bad na i had to avoid you just to surpress these feelings. and i know you’re the type of person who reciprocates the treatment when someone avoids you

and it hurts so fucking bad kasi i can’t tell you how much i miss you and us. tangina ayoko netong feelings na’to kasi i just wanna be friends again.

eh ano naman if you’re so fucking pretty in your cigarettes after sex shirt with those pretty eyes behind those glasses of yours

eh ano naman kung may butterflies ako kapag inaasar kita tapos naiinis ka in a sense na natatawa ka sakin when i do? eh ano naman kung 20x kang more attractive kapag nangiti ka

eh ano naman kasi wala naman akong balak i-pursue ka. wala naman akong balak or intention na i-pursue tong pisteng yawang feelings na to. eh ano naman kung may naka-attach na kilig friendship natin. like what the fuck let’s just be friends na lang bahala na tong tanginang kilig na to jusko

like tangina bakit ba kasi ganito? like god bakit ba talaga? i hate myself so much for feeling this way. miss na miss na kita tangina.

Like for example: if someone said something mean to you, how do you know na baka masama pala talaga ugali nila underneath or nagkamali lang siya and hindi niya napansin/alam?